Carly Fiorina’s Got My Vote

2010 February 9

It’s only February, but the 2010 elections are heating up fast…

In fact, ROTI has already chosen its favorite candidate of the upcoming election cycle. It’s Carly Fiorina, a California Republican who hopes to challenge longtime incumbent Senator Barbara Boxer in November. Fiorina may not be the most wise or deserving candidate out there, but she has one thing going for her that I personally find irresistible…a knack for enraging her opponents, entertaining onlookers, and setting fire to everything she touches.

What’s not to love?

Carly Fiorina first made headlines as the extraordinarily high-profile CEO of HP, and during her stint at the head of the electronics giant, she managed to turn the company’s most devoted loyalists into her mortal enemies, destroy HP’s legendary corporate culture, and ram through a massive merger that went awry. But no worries, because she scored a lucrative golden parachute!

She then became the high-profile economic spokesman for John McCain, propounding the economic ideas that carried him to victory in 2008. Oh whoops, actually flip that and reverse it. Her straw-grasping defenses of Sarah Palin were so effective, they ultimately led to the campaign dumping her altogether.

Now Carly Fiorina is running for Senate, despite the fact that she has skipped most every election she has been eligible to vote in during her lifetime. It hasn’t taken her long to electrify the Republican primary with an unbelievably stupid website and an instantly-classic viral campaign video. This lady is awesome!

One thing that even her mortal enemies have to give Carly Fiorina credit for is that she truly was a trailblazer in the world of business — one of the first women to become a power player in corporate culture.

After the former Cara Carleton Sneed (wouldn’t C.C. Sneed have made for an amazing political name?) graduated from Stanford in 1976, she worked as a secretary, assistant and temp at a number of corporations, including HP. After she joined AT&T in the early 80s, she worked her way up the corporate ladder, taking a jackhammer to the old glass ceiling and playing a critical role in AT&T’s spinoff from Lucent.

By the turn of the century, Carly Fiorina was considered one of the world’s foremost businesswomen. That’s when HP tapped her to lead the company into the new millennium. Unfortunately, what HP found out is that legendary status as a gender trailblazer does not necessarily entail the possession of top-notch corporate skills, especially when taking over a company as a complete outsider.

Fiorina’s main problem was that she busted into HP with guns blazing, hell-bent on transforming a company that had prospered for years through the “HP Way” established by its founders, Bill Hewlett and David Packard. Long before Apple Computer, Hewlett-Packard was the original tech company started in a suburban garage, and it grew into a megacorporation by obeying the following maxims:

  1. We have trust and respect for individuals.
  2. We focus on a high level of achievement and contribution.
  3. We conduct our business with uncompromising integrity.
  4. We achieve our common objectives through teamwork.
  5. We encourage flexibility and innovation.

As an informative article called “10 Reasons People Hate Carly Fiorina” on the site Business Pundit explains, Fiorina bombed at HP because she completely failed to respect any of these principles.

After the tech bubble burst, Fiorina started swinging the axe, canning 18,000 employees. Meanwhile, she was an outspoken proponent of globalizing the workforce (ie. outsourcing), and didn’t hesitate to buy herself a corporate jet so she could make her many, many speaking engagements. HP employees asked themselves, “We should trust her…why?”

Fiorina implemented a top-down management structure, shattering the collaborative processes that had served HP well for so long. While she was off launching new marketing initiatives with Gwen Stefani, her hand-picked cronies bossed around the department heads that had long been given latitude to run their own shops. Instead of pushing for innovation, she relied on market dogma and marketing platitudes. HP could have been the company to design the iPod or otherwise revolutionize the tech industry, but instead it simply milked its printer-ink profit center and hyped up its CEO.

Perhaps most insidiously, Fiorina pushed the company to crush leaks at all costs, initiating a program that ended up violating a number of federal laws, including wiretapping and “pretexting.” So much for Hewlett and Packard’s “uncompromising integrity.”

The HP Way was meaningless to Fiorina, who makes a point of trashing it to this day. In her world, the genius of a marketing executive far outweighs the technical chops of an engineer. That’s why some have called her the “Anti-Steve Jobs,” by unfavorable comparison to the brilliant engineer-marketer who has driven innovation AND business success everywhere he’s gone.

All this explains why when Fiorina made a push to acquire Compaq, one of HP’s main competitors in the personal computer market, the move was fiercely opposed by many shareholders and employees, leading to a massive public showdown that Fiorina barely managed to win.

Although it led to some short-term hemorrhaging and ultimately to Fiorina’s dismissal, the purchase of a deflated Compaq was not actually a bad move on Fiorina’s part — the key takeaway, though, is that Fiorina had so utterly failed to lead HP, and had burned so many bridges along the way, that the company’s board and employees simply did not trust her anymore. They sent her packing with a $20 million severance package and closed the book on the disastrous Fiorina Era.

Portfolio named her one of the Worst American CEOs of All Time. So naturally, her next move was to join political life.

Here’s Carly with her homeboy Johnny Mac. Ironically for someone with a reputation as a job-slasher and outsourcer, Fiorina carried the economic banner for McCain with an emphasis on job creation. But during the summer of 2008, McCain was still preaching that the US economy was basically sound and that the only real threat lay in an Obama victory. At the time, he clearly didn’t realize what a liability Carly Fiorina was to the campaign.

He found out soon enough, when Fiorina mentioned that Sarah Palin didn’t have the expertise required to run an American corporation, and then by way of clarifying her remarks, stated that NONE of the presidential or vice-presidential candidates had the chops to be a CEO. Hilariously, all this occurred in the context of Fiorina’s attempt to defend Palin from “sexist” attacks.

The fact that what Fiorina said was pretty much the truth (and besides, the government is NOT like a corporation, no matter how many candidates with private-sector careers may claim that it is) didn’t keep the McCain campaign from flipping out in rage at Fiorina’s loose talk. She was quickly shoved off of the stump and not heard from again.

As we all know, McCain went down to a huge defeat, thanks largely to his tone-deafness on economic matters.

Another brilliant success story from the life of Carly Fiorina!


For the small band of Fiorina-watchers out there (I’ve personally been entranced by her incompetence since 2001), the prospect of her challenging Babs Boxer in 2010 was electrifying.

She has not disappointed thus far, either, launching a political campaign that has caused jaws to drop and eyes to roll.

It all began with the preview/launch of her absurd campaign website, preserved and savaged by this YouTube video:

Carlyfornia Dreamin’?! It wouldn’t take a lot of effort to work up some song parody lyrics comparing her horrible website to poop and deriding it as “gay,” but that would be an unforgivable insult to the color brown and gay people — oh and by the way, Fiorina is a big fan of sexual orientation bigotry, being a staunch supporter of Proposition 8.

The LA Times busted her for skipping dozens of elections throughout her time as a California resident, and she gave some lame excuse about not feeling “connected” to politicians. The CA Democrats were only too eager to paint her as a corporate fat-cat and failed CEO, while her Republican opponents blasted her as a Juanita-come-lately in search of another powerful perch from which to preen.

But Carly’s no dope. She recently retook the offensive with a political ad so amazing, it’s gone massively viral and entranced even the most disinterested of political watchers.

Behold, the now-legendary Demon Sheep Spot!

When it comes to negative political advertising, it simply does not get better than this.

This ad has it all — intellectual dishonesty regarding government spending, comparison of the opponent to swine, amazingly damning voiceover guy, weird acronyms, and the elusive “WTF” factor. (This could only be the work of the weird and wonderful Fred Davis, who also created the Obama Celebrity spot and the King Roy ad.)

No wonder the “FCINO” ad has captivated the attention of even disinterested political watchers. I’m obliged to give a hat tip to ROTI contributor C. Dave, who first noticed this amazing spot, but since then I’ve seen it shared on Facebook, Twitter and Google Reader. It really is a masterpiece.

This version is amazing:

Then there’s this amusing Twitter page that purports to be from the Demon Sheep himself:

Carly Fiorina has done it again — taken an otherwise boring, pedestrian moment and transformed it into something combative, dramatic, and extraordinary.

As far as ROTI is concerned, she makes a superb candidate for office. If she finds a way to get elected, she’ll only continue her record of spectacular disasters and high-profile blunders. Yes, this will be unfortunate for the people of California, but think of the material she’ll bestow on our little corner of the Internets!

I guess she’s not the only one who’s “Carlyfornia dreamin’.”

Indy vs. NOLA: Museum Directors Sack Up

2010 January 28

As Super Bowl mania heats up — a two week hype-fest unlike any other — the eyes of the nation eagerly turn to the traditional Mayor’s Bet, in which each city’s executive wagers the finest edible goodness his burg has to offer.

The only problem: Indianapolis is in the Super Bowl this year. Unfortunately, the sleepy Midwestern corn-tropolis has very little to offer New Orleans, one of the best places to chow down in the world.

Indianapolis mayor Greg Ballard made his wager: “shrimp cocktail with plenty of horseradish.” Whoop de doo, like they don’t have shrimp in New Orleans?! Is that the best you can do, Indianapolis? Lame.

Probably because he was so underwhelmed by Ballard’s bet, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin (remember him?) put up a similarly boring offer of “CDs by local musicians and Mardi Gras cakes.” Seriously? I would have thrown down a Mississippi river barge loaded down with oyster po-boys and beignets, followed by an oil tanker full of Hurricane…all of which would be released for free to the Bourbon Street masses following a victory. Weak sauce, Nagin.

This is why it sucks when second-tier cities make it to national championship games: not only are the ratings limp because they don’t have that many fans, but they can’t even get the Mayor’s Bet right.

If this was New York vs. LA, you’d have all kind of cheesecake, french dip, chili dogs and corned beef sandwiches being thrown down. You know — the good stuff.

Happily, the Mayor’s Bet is not the only wager in play a week from Sunday…

Thanks to some amazing prodding by ARTSJOURNAL’s “Modern Art Notes” blogger Tyler Green, the directors of the Indianapolis Museum of Art and the New Orleans Museum of Art have thrown down masterpieces in one of the most exciting gambling showdowns the art world has ever known!

After Green encouraged the museums to get into the act via Twitter, Indy MOA director Maxwell L. Anderson (pictured above) took the bait.

Here’s the work of art that Anderson proposed to bet: Ingrid Calame’s “Tracings from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and the L.A. River.

It’s a pretty cool piece, but come on. As epic Super Bowl bet material goes, it’s the equivalent of Ray Nagin’s lame compact disc collection.

When NOMA director E. John Bullard (pictured above) heard about this wager, he responded in hilarious fashion:

“Max Anderson must not really believe the Colts can beat the Saints in the Super Bowl. Otherwise why would he bet such an insignificant work as the Ingrid Calame painting? Let’s up the ante. The New Orleans Museum of Art will bet the three-month loan of its Renoir painting, Seamstress at Window, circa 1908, which is currently in the big Renoir exhibition in Paris. What will Max wager of equal importance? Go Saints!”

His spirit mildly stirred by the trash talk of his southern colleague, Anderson replied with a diss of his own and a raised ante:

That’s rich…your original bet was the less-than-legendary Ingrid Calame, but you’re too good for Renoir?

Adding to the Indy-style lameness was that the newly proposed bet was this Jean-Valentine Morel jeweled cup:

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a masterpiece that I would kill to acquire on behalf of one of my various fantasy sports leagues. It’s got gold, emeralds, rubies, sapphires, and superb workmanship. But come on now, IMA. NOMA is throwing down a Renoir deemed worthy of touring the world and your response is this frilly French trifle?

Bullard agreed with my take. He demanded that the IMA agree to some REAL high-stakes betting, and called Anderson out via email and tweet: “I am amused that Renoir is too sweet for Indianapolis. Does this mean that those Indiana corn farmers have simpler tastes? If so why would Max offer us that gaudy Chalice — just looks like another over-elaborate Victorian tchotchke.”

Bullard added, “Sorry but we have no farm scenes or portraits of football players to send you.”

You see that, Ray Nagin? THAT’S how you call out a lame Indianapolis bet.

Having been adequately needled, Max Anderson rose to the occasion by throwing down a true masterpiece:

BOOM! This is “The Fifth Plague of Egypt” by the great English landscape painter JMW Turner. It’s one of the early works that helped the painter make his name on the London scene, and it’s definitely worthy of an epic Super Bowl gamble.

The only problem? In return, Anderson requested the NOMA’s prized Lebrun “Portrait of Marie Antoinette,” which isn’t in good enough shape to make the trip to Indy…

While NOMA had to beg off this proposal, at least it did so in amusing fashion:

As Bullard noted by email, “This great French artist is considered the father of landscape painting and was one of Turner’s great inspirations. These two paintings would look splendid hanging together in New Orleans — or miracle of miracles, in Indianapolis.”

A fair, thoughtful counteroffer — and it was accepted by Max Anderson:

So there you have it, folks.

While we really liked Deadspin’s idea (“If New Orleans wins they get Van Gogh’s good ear, and if the Colts pull it out, Dallas Clark gets to take a dump on a Cezanne”), the Turner/Claude bet gives this year’s Super Bowl a little bit of added drama that the Mayor’s Bet simply did not deliver.

Now when Pierre Garcon goes up for a grab in the end zone, he’s not just looking for six points — he’s looking to hang a Claude in the IMA.

And as Reggie Bush catches a kickoff and looks to take it to the house, he’s also got a chance to bring a Turner to NOMA!

Huge, huge hat tip to Tyler Green for sparking this curatorial rivalry. For those of you who think Twitter is lame/pointless, this major wager never would have happened without the microblogging site…so reconsider your assumptions, chump.

Hopefully this will become a proud tradition in the world of sports. Think of it now — Italy beats France in the World Cup and reclaims the Mona Lisa! The Lakers beat the Celtics and the Getty punks the MFA for a Cezanne! The Rangers beat the Cubs and the Sears Tower is relocated to Dallas! The possibilities are endless.

Son of a Millworker, Father of a Sex Tape

2010 January 25

John Edwards has been on a downward spiral for some time now. While he once seemed like the dictionary definition of a rising political star — Senator from North Carolina, 2004 Democratic Vice Presidential nominee — he is now the biggest joke in the history of smooth-talking politicians.

His attempts to become president, then vice president, then president again, ended in total defeat. His good looks and charm were turned against him and his haircut expenses became a national punchline. He got busted cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. He planted a love child in the womb of a wacky New Age video vixen and tried to get one of his sycophantic aides to take the fall. He tried to negotiate for a Cabinet post and Obama laughed in his face.

Now for the ultimate dishonor: John Edwards reportedly made a sex tape!

The story of John Edwards’ descent into total ignominy is a Vegas buffet of schadenfreude delight. What’s more, while the major media hubs completely dropped the ball on this story until it was basically undeniable, the National Enquirer was all over the story from day one. Frankly, they deserve a Pulitzer Prize for unmasking Edwards as a gross, sleazy fraud who came disturbingly close to holding a top position of power in American government.

It all started when Dick Cheney whipped his ass in their vice-presidential debate. Although Edwards was allegedly some hotshot trial lawyer, he managed to land just a few jabs against the widely-loathed VP before being pummeled to the mat and TKOed like a true Glass Joe. Even though many people disagreed with the policy positions that Cheney was defending, it didn’t matter, because he demolished Edwards’ silly arguments, leaving the slick Southerner yelping about the irrelevant issue of Cheney’s vote against MLK Day. For most of us, this was the first inkling that John Edwards wasn’t all he claimed to be.

After Kerry and Edwards lost an incredibly winnable campaign against the unpopular GWB, Edwards was undaunted. It must have been the fault of that windsurfing Francophile flipflopper, not him! So he went around building houses for Katrina victims and talking about “Two Americas” like a real Jimmy Carter. Edwards was going to run for president again, and this time he was gonna win…not even his wife’s Elizabeth’s breast cancer could take him off the path to save Americans from injustice and inequality.

That’s when he met a floozy named Rielle Hunter.

The explosive 2008-scandal tome “Game Change” (guilty pleasure excerpt via NYMAG) relays this version of their first encounter, seen through the eyes of now-disillusioned aide Josh Brumberger:

“My friends insist you’re John Edwards,” Rielle Hunter said. “I tell them no way—you’re way too handsome.”

“No, ma’am. I’m John Edwards,” the candidate replied.

“No way! I don’t believe you!”

Brumberger saw this kind of thing all the time. Women were always hitting on his boss. He and Edwards had a well-oiled system in place for dealing with these situations tactfully and politely.

“He is John Edwards,” Brumberger interjected, “and I’m sorry, but we’re in the middle of something. Thank you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hunter said, and retreated to her table.

Brumberger thought that she was trouble from the get-go. She looked like a hybrid of Stevie Nicks and Lucinda Williams, in an outfit more suitable for a Grateful Dead concert than an evening at the Regency.

A few minutes later, after Edwards departed for a dinner around the corner, Hunter came back over to Brumberger and started quizzing him about his job. “I think I can help you guys,” she said, and handed him her business card.

The inscription read, BEING IS FREE: RIELLE HUNTER—TRUTH SEEKER.

Despite his campaign staff’s growing horror, Edwards soon hired Rielle Hunter to make campaign videos about “the REAL John Edwards.”

She was eminently qualified to do this work because…well, no real reason, but we can only surmise it was due to her vast experience in media, as exemplified by her appearance on the Chuck Woolery game show LINGO.

As soon as the campaign team saw the videos that Hunter was making, they knew that the candidate was thinking with his dong, not his mindbrain…

For Baldick, the alarm bells had already started ringing when he got a look at the first webisode produced by Hunter. It was filled with so much flirty banter and overfamiliarity between her and Edwards that it made Baldick cringe. When he and his wife watched it at home in bed on Baldick’s laptop, she turned to him at once and said, Oh, my God! He’s fucking her!

The campaign staff, with the assistance of an increasingly suspicious Elizabeth Edwards, finally managed to run Hunter out of town, but not before she conceived a love child with the candidate.

At first, l’affaire Rielle was just a sidelight to the fading fortunes of the Edwards campaign. Obama rose to take the not-Hillary role he’d imagined filling, and he was left a distant third place.

As Edwards’ presidential hopes faded, the National Enquirer struck…

Nobody believed it, because it was being reported by the National Enquirer, but the story was 100% true.

Meanwhile, inside the Edwards campaign, the decision was made to pin the pregnancy on the pathetic Andrew Young, who worshiped the candidate and was tasked with whisking him around from campaign stop to campaign stop. The fact that everyone basically knew who the baby daddy was didn’t stop them from shamelessly pushing the Young angle. Edwards feigned outrage at the Enquirer’s claims, and tried to keep the wool pulled over his wife’s eyes…

Team Edwards had known that the Enquirer story was coming for some time. Fred Baron, John’s friend and finance chair, had scrambled to coordinate statements from lawyers for the candidate and Hunter denying John’s paternity, which the piece included. It also introduced a new character to the drama: Edwards’s longtime personal aide, Andrew Young, who was asserting that he was the father. The details in the article around Young’s involvement were as squirrelly as could be…the story noted, “Some insiders wonder whether Young’s paternity claim is simply a cover-up to protect his longtime pal Edwards.”

[...]

Edwards denounced the Enquirer piece vehemently to his staff. On the campaign bus, he railed at the tabloid: “How could they fucking say this? How could they do this to me? How could they do this to Elizabeth?”

Some Edwards aides believed John’s denials, thought the story was too far out to be true. But others decided to stop spinning the candidate’s disavowals to the media, so certain were they that their boss was lying. Too many of them knew that Young had talked openly about having had a vasectomy a few years back.


Please Barack, hook a brother up

The denouement of Edwards’ presidential campaign was simply laughable. Knowing he had no chance to win, he tried to peddle an endorsement to Obama or Hillary in exchange for the vice-presidential spot or a plum Cabinet post. Not surprisingly, this effort yielded little fruit. Obama reportedly said that if he was willing to cut a Cabinet-spot deal with Edwards in exchange for backing him, he didn’t deserve to be president.

Edwards ended up endorsing Obama in exchange for a speaking slot at the convention, which was later yanked away from him for making such a joke out of himself.

The National Enquirer kept up the pressure…splashing a picture of Edwards holding Hunter’s baby across its pages, trumpeting the results of a “secret DNA test,” and exposing Edwards for additional roguish deeds:

Actually, he just hit on her and got rejected

In August 2008, John Edwards admitted that he boned Rielle Hunter.

But despite declaring honesty time, he lied about being the pepaw of little Frances Quinn Hunter to ABC’s Bob Woodruff!

It wasn’t until last week that he finally confessed to seeding the truth-seeker’s womb.

It turns out that fooling the American people wasn’t as easy as John Edwards thought it was, and he blubbered, “It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me.”

But just when it seemed that the embarrassment was finally coming to an end, would-be patsy Andrew Young went animal-style on the Edwards legacy.

Elizabeth Edwards unwisely dissed Young in her book “Resilience,” writing that he was just as bad as Rielle Hunter — two sleazeballs who wanted nothing more than to soak up that Edwards goodness.

Young’s friends say…he decided that the Edwards would never set the record straight after he read Elizabeth Edwards’s description of him as a “pathetic,” grasping male mirror image of Hunter.

“They look at our lives, which from the outside, in particular, are pictures of joy and plenty, and they want it for themselves,” she wrote of Hunter and Young in “Resilience.”

“I think he wouldn’t have [decided to write his book] unless he felt just absolutely heartbroken and betrayed, which is the sentiment I get from him when I talk to him,” said Young’s friend Toben. “It took a lot, and probably Elizabeth’s book was the final stimulus for that decision.”

You’d think that Andrew Young wouldn’t have much to offer beyond, “Yeah, it’s bullshit, Edwards boned that lady, not me.” Since everyone already knows that, who cares what he has to say, right?

Well, what if he told you he found an unmarked DVD while poking around one day…and on that DVD was John Edwards getting his Rick Salomon on with Rielle?!

Take it away, Gawker!

Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains “several sex acts.” And that his aide, Andrew Young found it on an unmarked DVD.

The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards “is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says ‘whoa’. She’s behind the camera at first.”

When rumors of the affair first broke Young was so loyal to Edwards that he pretended that he was the father of Hunter’s daughter Frances Quinn, now 2. But part of Young’s disillusionment with the 2004 vice presidential candidate and 2008 candidate came one day as he went through a stack of DVDs at Rielle Hunter’s house.

It was this betrayal that prompted Young to write his tell-all book, The Politician.


Cocksmen at large

Politico gleefully piles on:

Young, with all the fury of a spurned lover, may be holding out yet another threat to his old idol, if it comes to that: an explicit videotape, two people who have seen it said, of Edwards and Hunter together.

“It’s his hole card,” said the source.

Young’s friends said they had no knowledge of the tape, which is reportedly described in his book proposal. But Young has not, to date, sold it. And another person close to Young described his motives in, reluctantly, writing the book:

“The question I would ask everybody is ‘What the hell alternative do I have’?” the person quoted Young saying. “Are you just supposed to be kicked mercilessly and never say anything yourself?”

How far we’ve come since 2004. John Edwards, once a respected presidential prospect, is now being accused of gruesome sextapery.

It’s definitely not the first time a Democratic superstar has been busted fiddling and faddling with comely help — LBJ getting busted by Lady Bird while screwing a secretary in the Oval Office comes to mind, to say nothing of Bill Clinton’s cigar chicanery — but there are several aspects that make this particular case especially gross. Elizabeth Edwards’ cancer, for one. The absurd attempt to trick the American people into thinking another man was responsible for his misdeeds. The sex tape reports, which simply boggle the mind.

Finally, there’s the ad hominem attacks against the National Enquirer, which was on the money from the beginning and never let up until Edwards’ ass was nailed to the wall.

Gawker has started a Pulitzer Prize campaign for the Enquirer, rightly noting that “If the Washington Post, or the New Orleans Times-Picayune or any paper really, had broken a story of this magnitude their Pulitzer nod would barely be in doubt. Edwards called the Enquirer, while trying to disparage its claims he was cheating and had fathered a child “tabloid trash.” That stigma is the only reason its investigative reporters will not be considered.”

Politicians, if you want to bone skanks, we don’t really care — as long as you aren’t known for public moralizing or selling yourself as a family man. But when a publication completely busts you, don’t lie to us.

And whatever you do…don’t make a sex tape.

Shocker: The Hot Babe You Met Online Is Really A Squeaky-Voiced Dude

2010 January 19
by Alpine McGregor

Today’s LA TIMES has a story about an online scam that should surprise no one.

A bunch of rich, lonely dudes surfing the internet in a quest for companionship were duped into thinking they were “involved” with a hot Guess model.

They never actually met this woman, but hours-long steamy conversations with a feminine voice on the other end of the line had them convinced. Many of them sent money and expensive gifts. In return, they received naked photos that were supposedly intended just for them.

Unfortunately, these would-be sugar daddies weren’t actually talking to the sexy 23-year old model, Bree Condon.

Their online romance was with a 24-year-old man with a high-pitched voice and a talent for Photoshopping and internet research.

This story by Harriet Ryan is simply delightful:

For would-be sugar daddies perusing SeekingMillionaire.com — “the meeting place for wealthy and beautiful singles” — there was much to like about profile #160127. “Bree” identified herself as a 23-year-old model from Newport Beach, and the accompanying photos showed an emerald-eyed beauty with a mane of silky brown hair and a wraparound smile that seemed both sexy and sweet.

“Just looking for Mr. Right,” her brief self-description read. If the pictures — one in a backless dress at a party, another in a clingy halter top — seemed somehow familiar, a quick Internet search offered an explanation: Bree Condon, 23, of Newport Beach was a successful model and aspiring actress who’d done a Guess jeans campaign and posed for Maxim magazine’s swimsuit issue.

The profile beckoned on the site for nearly two years, and some who responded soon believed they had embarked on a romantic relationship with Condon. There were no face-to-face dates, but there were intimate phone conversations, nude photos and the enticing possibility of a future with a gorgeous cover girl.

None of it was true, a fact that came to light last month when police officers, prodded by a private investigator hired by the real Condon, knocked on the door of a budget motel room in Austin, Texas. Inside, according to police, they found an iPhone that had been a gift from one suitor, a small dog paid for by another and a 24-year-old man with a very high-pitched voice.

Authorities say the man, Justin Brown, had been impersonating Condon online and on the telephone for years. A grand jury indicted him last week on a felony theft charge. He’s accused of duping a wealthy Miami Beach doctor out of about $15,000 the doctor believed he was sending to Condon. Los Angeles police also are investigating.

Not pictured: Justin Brown

It turns out that Justin Brown figured out he could basically make a living as a pseudo-Bree Condon; who knows how many other women he’s also impersonated in his travels on the Interwebs.

As the Times story points out, there was enough data about Condon easily available online – her parents’ jobs, how many siblings she has – that Brown was able to amass plenty of believable information for use in his impersonation. At the same time, Bree Condon is not so famous that the tabloids would want to report on what she was up to – allowing Brown to avoid scrutiny while he was phone-sexing sugar daddies in distant cities.

He was ultimately indicted for felony theft after coaxing $15,000 out of a Miami doctor.

One victim interviewed by the Times, Jason Carbona, a “private investor and inventor,” delivered a pretty funny quote: “You have to hand it to this kid. He stayed in character for two years.”

Usually, identity theft is perpetrated on a short-term basis: the scam is usually centered around obtaining enough information to go on a spending spree, after which the credit cards are cancelled and the scam ends. In this case, however, Brown assumed Condon’s identity as a lever to extract money, consumer electronics, and even a dog from horny dudes he tempted online.

Simply saying “I’m Bree Condon” wasn’t enough — Justin Brown had the wherewithal to turn up every bit of information on her personal life that he could, the motivation to create profiles on any number of sugar-daddy and social networking sites, and the Photoshop talents to craft fake naked candids that helped him seal the deal. According to the story, he also used social currency to trick his victims, claiming acquaintance with a “mutual friend.”

But Justin Brown’s secret weapon wasn’t his technological talents or cyber savvy — it was his startlingly girlish voice.

“I’d been talking to this person for three months,” Carbona said. “I’m telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer.”

For her part, Bree Condon was well aware of the scam, having hired a private investigator to track down Brown’s identity months before his capture. Jason Carbona “tracked her down at a film shoot in Wales” (stalker much?) and she confirmed that no, she wasn’t his online girlfriend. That’s what led Carbona to set up a sting operation which drew Justin Brown into the hands of police.

Because I am a heartless jerk, I couldn’t help but laugh when I followed a link in the Times article to this page at whosdatedwho.com:

Aww, Michael Curry…

When will lonely dudes looking for love online learn that just because someone claims to be a girl, and sends you naked pictures of an attractive woman who shouldn’t have to troll the Internet to meet strange men that will support her, and calls you on the phone with a sexy girlish voice — okay, that last one is a new wrinkle for sure — you should still remain extremely skeptical.

Chances are, unless you are the improbably-successful-with-the-ladies Marko Jaric, you are not going to be grabbing Colin Farrell’s rebounds.

This is why ROTI strongly recommends assuming everyone online is a fat, middle-aged dude living in a group home somewhere in Nebraska, until proven otherwise.

#1: “The Wire.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 15
by Alpine McGregor

In our opinion, this is the greatest television show ever made. In its scope, seriousness, ambition, performances, writing, photography, and economy of narrative, it is virtually unparalleled. This show blew through the rubble of the walls torn down by “The Sopranos” and delivered to its viewers a story that was more urgent, more complex, more heartbreaking, and more relevant than any ever told before on television.

Without question, “The Wire” was the best television show of the aughts.

David Simon spent decades writing for the Baltimore Sun, mainly on the police beat, where he ultimately managed to embed himself in the homicide department. The result was his book “Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets,” which ultimately became an excellent 90s police drama. In collaboration with Ed Burns, a former Baltimore detective and school teacher who Simon met in his Sun days, he wrote the book “The Corner,” and later adapted it into an HBO miniseries.

In 2002, Burns and Simon began working on a new, even more ambitious HBO project that would be a police procedural on the surface, but would take as its subject a topic no less weighty than the decline and fall of the American urban social compact and the corrupting power of huge American institutions, with the rippling consequences on the lives of Baltimore’s most unfortunate citizens.

In a recent and tremendously informative interview with Vice, Simon related the meaning of the show as he sees it:

It’s one thing to recognize capitalism for the powerful economic tool it is and to acknowledge that, for better or for worse, we’re stuck with it and, hey, thank God we have it. There’s not a lot else that can produce mass wealth with the dexterity that capitalism can. But to mistake it for a social framework is an incredible intellectual corruption and it’s one that the West has accepted as a given since 1980—since Reagan. Human beings—in this country in particular—are worth less and less. When capitalism triumphs unequivocally, labor is diminished. It’s a zero-sum game

I guess what I’m saying is that the overall theme was: We’ve given ourselves over to the Olympian god that is capitalism and now we’re reaping the whirlwind. This is the America that unencumbered capitalism has built. It’s the America that we deserve because we let it happen. We don’t deserve anything better. The Wire was trying to take the scales from people’s eyes and say, “This is what you’ve built. Take a look at it.” It’s an accurate portrayal of the problems inherent in American cities.

Are there other parts of those cities that are economically viable? Of course. You can climb higher up on the pyramid that is capitalism and find the upper-middle-class neighborhoods and the private schools. You can find where the money went. But The Wire was dissent because of its choice to center itself on the other America, the one that got left behind. That was the overall theme and that worked for all five seasons. So that’s the institution versus the individual.

To portray the characters in this epic narrative, Simon and Burns turned to an ensemble unlike any seen before on TV — especially in terms of racial composition. They cast C-list actor Dominic West (perhaps best known at the time as Sandy Bullock’s a-hole boyfriend in “28 Days”) in the lead role, but surrounded him with a cast of no-name actors. Many of these performers were experienced veterans, bit players in many films and television shows, but others were discovered at local stage companies, and dozens of fine performances on “The Wire” have been delivered by completely inexperienced actors cast off the street. Simon and Burns also used their extensive connections in Baltimore to haul in many memorable Baltimoreans for supporting parts  – disgraced former state police superintendent Ed Norris plays a homicide detective, former drug kingpin Little Melvin Williams plays a church deacon, and Maryland governor Robert Ehrlich has a cameo as a security guard.

You would think this unconventional approach to casting would be disastrous. In fact, it is anything but. “The Wire” has the finest and most compelling ensemble cast in television history. Dozens deep, the characters keep coming at you, season after season, grabbing your eyeballs with magnificent performances. It’s ultimately impossible to think of these actors and not see them as the characters they so memorably portrayed on the series.

The next element of “The Wire” that led it to eternal greatness is its superb writing staff. Along with Simon and Burns, the writer’s table featured Rafael Alvarez, who penned many classic episodes, Joy Lusco Kecken, a mainstay of the early seasons, and Simon’s former Sun colleague Bill Zorzi, who crafted the political storylines of the later seasons. What’s more, they recruited the eastern seaboard’s finest crime novelists to join the staff, plucking them from nearby cities like a college recruiter assembling a national champion. DC’s George Pelecanos (“The Big Blowdown”), New York’s Richard Price (“Clockers”), and Boston’s Dennis Lehane (“Mystic River”) joined the writing team and contributed greatly to the show’s layered, complex narratives and characterizations.

Moreover, the show had the look and feel of real inner-city Bodymore, Murdaland. The crew shot on locations throughout the city, thanks to the open embrace of municipal officials and the city’s residents. The aesthetic qualities of the show were enhanced by lots of well-chosen diegetic music ranging from The Pogues (in the policemen’s bar) to Young Leek (on the radios of the corner boys). A huge amount of credit for the show’s tonal brilliance has to go to producer Robert Colesberry, a Hollywood veteran who helped relative neophytes Simon and Burns navigate the ropes of a major television series. Every season until his unexpected death partway through the run of “The Wire,” Colesberry slaved over the opening credit sequence, seeking to find the perfect combination of sights and sounds to represent the show’s ethos:

The series centers on Dominic West’s portrayal of Jimmy McNulty, a headstrong, arrogant, charming Baltimore “po-lice” determined to outsmart the city’s criminals. McNulty is incensed by the murder trial of D’Angelo Barksdale (Larry Gilliard Jr.), a scion of the Barksdale criminal family who walks free thanks to bribed witnesses. McNulty, though just a lowly homicide detective, uses his relationship with Judge Phelan (Peter Gerety) to initiate an investigation of the Barksdale gang, which is being ignored by the Baltimore Police Department in their quest for arrest “stats”; the BPD is blinded by their tactics of assaulting city street corners like checkpoints in a war zone. (This clip is out of sequence, but it pretty much says it all.)

Despite the opposition of McNulty’s commander in homicide, the irascible Major William Rawls (John Doman), the department reluctantly authorizes a detail headed by Lieutenant Cedric Daniels (Lance Reddick), a rising star in the BPD who is conflicted between his wife’s ambitions for his career and his passion for solid police work. You’d think that those two concepts would work in concert, but “The Wire” effectively and repeatedly demonstrates that in the real world of Baltimore, singleminded devotion to the purported goal of your organization often hinders your ability to rise within that organization: hardcore police get stashed in the pawn shop unit for making waves in the department, drug dealers who take an enlightened approach to “the game” end up getting caught up in a senseless crossfire over ghetto territory, and newspaper editors who insist on accuracy get demoted, while the Jayson Blairs get Pulitzers.

The detail is a mishmash of odds and ends from around the department, intended to be ineffective and quickly fade away: through it, we meet many of the series’ main characters. Sonja Sohn is a revelation as Kima Greggs, Lieutenant Daniels’ protege in narcotics, who is quickly entranced by McNulty’s passion for police work, to the consternation of her longtime boss. The comedy team of inept detectives, Thomas “Herc” Hauk (Domenick Lombardozzi) and Ellis Carver (Seth Gilliam) are the unit’s footsoldiers, often left out on a roof doing surveillance. Lester Freamon (Clarke Peters) is an older detective known as a “housecat” for his years working a desk job, but it soon turns out that he’s an exceptionally competent cop who wasn’t stuck inside by choice.  Roland “Prez” Pryzbylewski (Jim True-Frost) is a son-in-law of a colonel who’s proven incompetent at almost every assignment. Rhonda Pearlman, an assistant D.A., is the detail’s legal liaison, and soon becomes McNulty’s mistress. The unit is rounded out by a peanut gallery of idiots and drunks from every dark corner of the department. Daniels manages to salvage his detail somewhat by bargaining with another commander for Leander Sydnor (Corey Parker Robinson), a promising young detective capable of doing undercover work.

McNulty often enlists the help of his homicide partner Bunk Moreland (Wendell Pierce), a foulmouthed clotheshorse who we would hire to investigate the murder of any loved one, even though he is a fictional character. He’s that awesome.

Relentlessly prodded by McNulty, the detail focuses on the principals of the powerful Barksdale gang: the intimidating Avon Barksdale (Wood Harris), his crafty second-in-command Stringer Bell (Idris Elba), and ruthless hitman Wee-Bey Brice (Hassan Johnson), as well as D’Angelo, Avon’s nephew: a young man born into the game who might not be cut out for its rigors. We watch as D’Angelo attempts to organize a “crew” of very young men in a low-rise housing project known as “the pit” — corralling the vicious Bodie Broadus (J.D. Williams), the amorous Malik “Poot” Carr (Trey Cheney), and the bright Wallace (Michael B. Jordan).

As with nearly all the sets of characters in the show, the casting of the Barksdale gang is flawless. The Julliard-trained Gilliard simply looks and sounds out of place alongside his street-wise subordinates, none of whom had much acting experience before joining the show. Meanwhile, the leading-man skills of Harris and Elba make them intimidating figures on the screen:

As the detail zeroes in on the pit crew, tapping pay phones and watching them from nearby high-rises, Kima begins to work with her confidential informant Bubbles (Andre Royo), a heroin addict who knows the streets inside and out.

Meanwhile, Omar Little (Michael K. Williams) stalks the drug dealers of the city, wielding a shotgun and whistling “The Farmer in the Dell.” It isn’t an exaggeration to say that Omar Little is one of the greatest and most original characters in the history of television: a black, gay man whose job description is “I rip and run…I robs drug dealers.” His immortal catchphrase, “Oh, indeed,” will live on forever in television lore. Here is one of the show’s most memorable scenes, in which Omar turns the tables on mob lawyer Maurice Levy (Michael Kostroff) while testifying at the trial of one of the Barksdale soldiers:

“The Wire” is a challenging show that expects its viewers to listen up and pay attention. Many people we’ve urged to watch the show have struggled through the first few episodes, finding them slow and a little boring. That’s OK – each season unfolds like a novel, setting up its characters and themes in the early episodes, thickening the plot in the middle of the season, building up to an epic conclusion late in the season, followed by a thoughtful denouement and everyone’s favorite thing, a montage. We watch as Daniels begins to ignore his career and follow his passion, even as McNulty drives him insane; under Freamon’s tutelage, Prez becomes a superb detective; Kima goes undercover on an assignment that goes horribly awry; and D’Angelo sinks deeper and deeper into the doomed world of “the game.”

By the end of season one — in which the Barksdale gang’s attempts to capture and kill Omar have dreadful consequences that ripple through all the characters’ lives — if you haven’t been hooked, then you need to stop reading this website and never come back again. Seriously.

Season Two shifts focus to the Baltimore docks, where stevedores ply a dying trade at the Patapsco Terminal — their livelihood under unrelenting attack from real estate developers and automated robot replacements. Frank Sobotka (Chris Bauer) is a union leader who has begun cutting deals with Spiros Vondas (Paul Ben-Victor), the pointman for an international smuggler known only as “the Greek.” When a shipment of prostitutes goes awry, a “can full of dead girls” ends up on the Baltimore docks and is discovered by port patrolwoman Beadie Russell (Amy Ryan). Eventually, the detail springs back into action thanks to inane departmental politics, and discovers that the docks are a highway for drugs straight into the poorest neighborhoods of Baltimore. One memorable scene has Bunk and Freamon attempting to interrogate shipmates from the boat that carried the dead girls:

In the meantime, Omar continues his relentless assault on the Barksdale gang, in an increasingly bloody and Pyrrhic war that leads to the death of one of his associates. Bunk, charged with investigating the murder, confronts Omar about the devastation that his ilk have caused the city.

There are many valid choices for “best scene of ‘The Wire’” ever, but this is our pick.

Season Three is a simply perfect piece of television filmmaking. Stringer Bell mightily tries to limit the gang’s liability by stepping back from fights over territory and supplying street dealers in concert with an alliance of Bmore drug kingpins led by the rotund Proposition Joe (Robert Chew). Avon insists upon holding corners. As Stringer takes college classes and tries to invest the gang’s money in real estate development, the detail and the pressures of the street close in on him. Avon begins a war with Marlo Stanfield (Jamie Hector), a up-and-coming dealer who refuses to back down to Stringer’s co-op or Avon’s reputation.

Robert Wisdom’s Major Bunny Colvin (seen in the second clip above) reacts to the relentless pressure to reduce crime in his district by deciding to legalize drugs, creating a free zone known as “Hamsterdam.” As the police officers under Colvin’s command struggle to deal with his change in tactics, Ellis Carver – now a DEU sergeant – begins to absorb some of Bunny’s schooling.

Meanwhile, our main man McNulty — who’s been dumped by both his wife and Rhonda Pearlman — begins to realize that he’s never going to find fulfillment through police work alone. This kick in the ass from Lester Freamon helps, of course:

Season Four is the most acclaimed of the series. It’s probably not a coincidence that most viewers and many critics didn’t really notice this show existed until the fourth season began airing. As Prez begins a new career in the Baltimore public school system, we meet some of his young charges…Namond Brice (Julito McCullum), Wee-Bey’s son who thinks himself a player in the game; Michael Lee (Tristan Wilds), a stoic, tough kid who takes care of his younger brother Bug; Randy Wagstaff (Maestro Harrell) an enterprising young orphan who cracks under pressure; and Dukie Weems (Jermaine Crawford), an intelligent boy trapped in absolute poverty.

Marlo’s crew are now the undisputed lords of West Baltimore, thanks to his ruthless instinct and the help of two deadly efficient enforcers, Chris Partlow (Gbenga Akinnagbe) and Snoop (Felicia Pearson <— seriously, read this). The Stanfield gang is beyond ruthless: they’ll kill someone if there’s a rumor that he insulted Marlo. For a long time, they baffle our friends in the police department with a nonexistent body count: we know, however, that Chris and Snoop are hiding bodies in the many decaying, abandoned houses in Baltimore’s inner city. The scene that opens Season Four, in which Snoop buys a nail gun from a home improvement store for the purpose of sealing up the vacant houses, is a classic:

A political storyline also threads through Seasons Three and Four, featuring the upstart mayoral campaign of Thomas Carcetti, a Martin O’Malley-alike who dares to dream that the age of the white mayor in Baltimore isn’t over. Through the political scenes, we find out more about the policy pressures that often undergird the problems we witness in the police department, the schools, and the neighborhoods. Carcetti is presented as a sympathetic alternative to the venal, corrupt politicians like state Rep. Clay Davis (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.), but he too is corruptible — we see him cheat on his wife and make cynical decisions to advance his political career. Still, Carcetti’s passion for public service makes him a character we want to see succeed, as in this amusing scene where his own campaign manager jokes about voting for someone else:

Season Five’s new storylines are mostly solid, though not as fascinating as those introduced earlier – we meet the staff of the Baltimore Sun, a particular interest of David Simon’s, and watch as the dickish editors chase prizes and ignore the city’s real problems. The relative dullness of the newspaper storylines are completely forgivable, however, because they are paired with developments in the ongoing narratives that bring the show to a transcendent “conclusion” (you’ll see what we mean when you watch it).

Many, many characters re-appear in the fifth season, their lives having been transformed in some way, for better or for worse. Some finally get their shit together; others come unraveled in disturbing ways. For every junkie that gets clean, another troubled kid picks up the needle. One cop hangs up his badge, and another is there to scoop it up. The criminals kill each other over money, territory, or “connects”; the cops valiantly surveil and wiretap, trying for the magic moment when you catch someone doing dirt on the wire. The game is still the game.


We just ran down a solid dozen paragraphs of recap, and still managed to skip over tons of great characters and storylines, like that of Dennis “Cutty” Wise, a cold-blooded killer whose rage and menace have been diluted by a long prison stint; Marcia Donnelly, the assistant principal of a Baltimore middle school who may not be officially in charge, but runs the school with an iron fist; Brother Mouzone, the bowtied New York hitman who loves to read Harper’s; Nick Sobotka, the young stevedore who can’t make a living in his family’s trade, and has to turn to drug dealing to support his girlfriend and young daughter; and so many more.

Anyone paying close attention to this series knows we have much love for Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle. Heed his words:

Ostensibly a cop series with a story to tell about the drug war in America’s inner city (Baltimore, in this case), “The Wire” over five seasons was really an insanely ambitious, intimately detailed historical document about institutional failure on all levels – cops, criminals, courts, politics, schools and newspapers. Dense, novelistic, painful, funny, real and transformative all at once. “The Wire” is the best television series ever made. Period.

Salon’s Laura Miller compares “The Wire” to a classical masterpiece:

“The Iliad” is only one poem from a series known as the Epic Cycle (“The Odyssey” is another; the rest are lost), full of dead heroes and the fathers (and mothers and wives and children) who mourn them. This story, too, goes on and on. Death, loss, enslavement, the ruination of all their hopes and dreams, and yet in the midst of the world’s stony realities, as inevitable as the wine darkness of the sea and the rosy fingers of dawn, there can be heroism, courage, honor. Just don’t expect things to change; all of this is part of the game, and in “The Iliad” the game is war.

The characters in “The Wire” inhabit such a world. The gods may have different names; instead of Apollo and Juno pulling the strings, it’s the bureaucracy, party politics, the free market: all equally capricious and implacable. Anyone who tries to alter the system — be it Stringer Bell aiming to turn legit businessman, Bunny Colvin experimenting with decriminalizing drugs in “Hamsterdam” or Frank Sobotka struggling to save his beloved stevedores union from its inevitable demise — will be crushed. The best they can hope for is to clean up one little corner of their world; Bunny may not be able to save the neighborhood, but at the end of Season 4, he managed to save one kid.

To thrive, you have to learn to fly low and kiss up, and if you’re unfortunate enough to be afflicted with a sense of vocation, you play it like that smooth operator, Bunk Moreland, not like that perennial troublemaker, Jimmy McNulty.

Despite the greatness of the other shows among our top ten list and honorable mentions, “The Wire” stands alone as a masterful creation of television programming that is impossible to top.

In five virtually-perfect seasons, it made us laugh and cringe, boiled our blood and drew us to the edge of our seats; sometimes we got a little dust in our eyes. It’s the greatest television show we have ever encountered. The end.

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”

#2: “The Sopranos.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 14
by Alpine McGregor


This masterful series might be the most important television show of all time: it is largely responsible for the explosion of great cable programming that includes seven of our top ten choices and marked the aughts as a magnificent television decade. It pioneered the concept of a great, award-winning drama series airing on a pay cable channel, and paved the way for dozens of terrific HBO and Showtime series that came afterward. It used the freedom of HBO to blow down the barriers traditionally restricting televised dramas, resulting in a cinematic masterpiece that holds its own against the many great films of its genre.

For all its importance to television history, however, its most vital quality is that it is tremendously well written, directed, acted and edited. For that reason, we declare “The Sopranos” the second-best television show of the aughts.

Like many of the programs on our list, “The Sopranos” grew a complex narrative out of a very simple concept: “A mobster in therapy having problems with his mother.” Creator David Chase spent years slaving away in the dungeon of television writing, but shows like “Twin Peaks” inspired him to start thinking bigger when it came to developing TV shows. He created the concept of “The Sopranos” based on his own experiences and his love of crime films, and penned a pilot script that was gritty, witty, and unlike anything on television at the time. The genius of the show is that it blended Mafia fantasy with mundane suburban reality.

While every network passed on the show without much thought, HBO president Chris Albrecht immediately saw huge promise in “The Sopranos.” He described his reaction to the pilot script to Vanity Fair:

“I said to myself, This show is about a guy who’s turning 40. He’s inherited a business from his dad. He’s trying to bring it into the modern age. He’s got all the responsibilities that go along with that. He’s got an overbearing mom that he’s still trying to get out from under. Although he loves his wife, he’s had an affair. He’s got two teenage kids, and he’s dealing with the realities of what that is. He’s anxious; he’s depressed; he starts to see a therapist because he’s searching for the meaning of his own life. I thought: The only difference between him and everybody I know is he’s the don of New Jersey. So, to me, the Mafia part was sort of the tickle for why you watched. The reason you stayed was because of the resonance and the relatability of all that other stuff.”

The show centers around stout, irascible, charismatic Jersey mob player Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) and his appealing, resourceful, and complicated wife Carmela (Edie Falco). When the series opens, he is an underboss to his good friend, Jackie Aprile, who is dying of cancer — Jackie’s wife Rosalie (Sharon Angela) and son Jackie Jr. (Jason Cerbone) provide a counterpoint to the Soprano family narrative. Tony and Carmela live a largely ordinary suburban life in New Jersey; everyday crises include getting their daughter Meadow (Jamie-Lynn Sigler) into college and keeping their son Anthony Jr. (Robert Iler) out of trouble…but Tony often deals with family crises in a manner informed by his “professional” life.

Meanwhile, Tony has to contend with his manipulative mother Livia (Nancy Marchand) and his late father’s jealous brother Junior (Dominic Chianese). Carmela’s nephew Christopher (Michael Imperioli) is Tony’s best hope for a protege, but often falls prey to impulsiveness; Christopher’s girlfriend Adriana (Drea De Matteo) is one of the series’ best characters. Tony’s sister Janice (Aida Turturro) only brings him further headaches when she appears on the scene and gets involved in tempestuous romances with his “co-workers.”

Tony’s fellow mafiosi are an assortment of terrific creations. There’s his second-in-command Silvio Dante (Springsteen guitarist Steven Van Zandt), a loyal and efficient lieutenant who runs the “Bada Bing!” strip club and does a great Michael Corleone impression. Tony’s longtime friend Sal “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero (Vincent Pastore) is a lovable fat man whose storyline quickly turns tragic. Paulie “Walnuts” Gualtieri (Tony Sirico) is a small-time gangster whose dreams of becoming something greater are held in check by his limited intelligence. Beyond these mainstays, Tony’s crew also features some fine characters over the years, including the menacing Richie Aprile (David Proval), the brash Ralphie Cifaretto (Joey Pants), the unfortunate Bobby Baccalliari (Steve Schirripa), and the closeted Vito Spatafore (Joseph Gannascoli).

Of course, the series also features Tony’s therapy sessions with Dr. Jennifer Melfi (Lorraine Bracco). Although the act of seeing a therapist to talk through your personal and professional problems is sacrilege in organized crime society, Tony defies tradition in order to cope with panic attacks that beset him throughout the series. Dr. Melfi is a sounding board for the struggles that Tony cannot voice to either of his families, but while she helps him cope with stress and trauma, she sometimes enables him to justify his murderous and criminal actions. While Tony battles his demons in Dr. Melfi’s office, we also see Dr. Melfi battling the stress of treating a sociopathic client.

The series also featured more great actors and characters than we can begin to recap here: the one-legged mistress, the constipated mobster who dies on the toilet, the New Englander who insists on getting a police report when Vito hits his car…we could go on for paragraph after paragraph, but let’s suffice it to say that even Geoffrey Chaucer would envy David Chase and company’s talent for creating a compelling ensemble.


The true focus of “The Sopranos” is not the murderous action of Mafia life, but the disintegration of the marriage between Tony and Carmela. As the SF Chronicle’s Tim Goodman aptly put it, “It cleverly fooled people into thinking that they were watching a violent story about the mob when they were really watching a married couple come undone as they dealt with each other and their extended families.”

(By the way, how awesome is that painting? Surprisingly enough, it’s the work of our favorite Sopranos actor, Paterson, New Jersey’s own Federico Castellucio.)

In order to wrap our arms around the scope of “The Sopranos,” we’ll touch on each of the six seasons, unveiling as few spoilers as possible – but let’s face it, if you’ve been alive on this Earth for the past decade, you probably know the basics.

The first season essentially sets up the series. The actors are still ironing out their accents, the wardrobe and film budgets are scant, but all the elements that made “The Sopranos” a great show are in evidence from the jumpoff. Throughout the season, Tony struggles with Uncle Junior for control of the crime family while dealing with his mother’s undermining ways. The ironic juxtaposition between Mafia life and suburban mundanity is never more clear than in the superb episode where Tony takes Meadow to visit small New England colleges, discovers that a Mafia snitch is living in witness protection in the Maine woods, and murders him in between tours of Colby and Bowdoin.

Season Two is a quantum leap forward. With “The Sopranos” an unqualified hit, HBO expanded the budget, the actors and producers got comfortable, and the show accelerated into perhaps its finest season. Tony has to contend with a federal racketeering trial for Uncle Junior, an attempted murder of Christopher, and the aggressive encroachment of Richie Aprile. A business trip to Italy yields some of the series’ most amazing visual moments and adds the badass Furio Giunta (Castellucio) to the crew. Through a variety of clues and one astonishing dream sequence, Tony discovers that one of his best friends is betraying him to the FBI and has to act on it.

By the third season, the show was a huge success — this began the era of extremely lengthy delays between seasons, drawn-out pay package negotiations for the stars, and overheated press before, during, and after each season. Despite these minor negatives, the show continued at an extraordinarily high level. The newest thorn in Tony’s side was Ralphie, who raked in money for the family when he wasn’t brutally murdering a stripper or demanding a promotion. Meanwhile, Tony takes up with luxury car saleswoman Gloria Trillo (Anabella Sciorra) who he meets at Dr. Melfi’s office; she only reinforces the issues he’s there to deal with. This season featured arguably the best episode in the history of the series, the amazing “Pine Barrens,” in which Paulie Walnuts and Christopher head to the woods of South Jersey to dump a body and end up lost, freezing, starving, and squabbling.

Interestingly, “Pine Barrens” was a useful tool to separate the two groups of “Sopranos” fans in the by-now-massive fan base: the people who thought it was boring and stupid really didn’t understand what the show was about at all, and would later be infuriated by the amazing dream sequences and audacious conclusion.

By Season Four, Tony found himself increasingly involved with New York’s Lupertazzi crime family, leading the show into interesting sidelines like Johnny “Sack” Sacramoni’s desire to revenge a fat joke made at his wife’s expense. Carmela and Tony’ s relationship continues to disintegrate, as he embarks on numerous infidelities and she begins an extended flirtation with Furio, and by season’s end they are officially separated. Tony and Ralph invest in a horse named Pie-O-My that Tony grows to love; this storyline leads to yet another astonishingly brutal murder. Adriana gets busted and begins informing to the FBI, while Christopher is drawn into an increasingly dire heroin addiction.

By season five, which viewers had to wait approximately eight years to watch, the seams of “The Sopranos” were beginning to show. New characters like Steve Buscemi’s Tony Blundetto joined the cast, but often failed to have the same impact as the brilliant creations of the early years. Nevertheless, as the season moved on, it delivered some of the series’ most memorable moments. Carmela and Tony reconcile yet again — throughout the series, he is forced to make up his shortcomings to her with bigger and bigger gifts, and this pattern culminates with her “spec house” project. Adriana’s betrayal of “the family” is discovered, with heartbreaking results. Tony gets Meadow’s college boyfriend Finn a job at one of the family’s construction sites, and Finn finds something out about Vito Spatafore that he really didn’t want to know:

Another agonizing wait was in store before Season Six could begin, and HBO then split the season into two parts, just to milk the show for all it was worth. However, David Chase and his underlings delivered some of the series’ best episodes, along with some of the worst. The season opened with a bravura set of episodes in which Tony is shot and near death: he experiences a lengthy dream sequence in which he is living a totally different life. While he returns to health, several other characters are not so lucky. Vito is outed and flees to New Hampshire for an overly-long storyline that is compelling nonetheless. Phil Leotardo takes control of the New York crew and battles Tony for supremacy. Dr. Melfi drops Tony as a client.

The ending of the show is one of the most written-about in history, and not coincidentally, it’s one of the best. An abrupt smash cut to black as the Sopranos sat down for dinner in a restaurant made people think their cable had gone out — when they realized it hadn’t, emotions ranged from baffled to enraged to delighted. We feel that David Chase’s decision to end the show without a clear resolution, opting instead for a suggestive cliffhanger that still left room for multiple interpretations, was one of the greatest moments in television history. End of discussion.

You don’t have to look far to find someone who declares “The Sopranos” God’s gift to television. Salon’s Rebecca Traister paid respect:

The fact that praise is often repeated does not make it untrue. “The Sopranos” was quite simply a fine piece of narrative, an opera on the turnpike that was simultaneously lush and spare in its depiction of American life. Tony and his buddies were many things that marked them as “other”: Italian, murderers, fat. But in all their extraordinariness they were just ordinary Americans.

From the moment it hit the airwaves, “The Sopranos” was in the pantheon, but as it aged it deepened and grew, not only matching great filmed epics line for line and shot for shot but blooming into a work of literature. It examined the evolution of the American dream with as much precision, if less economy, than Fitzgerald, and took apart the experience of American masculinity with the sometimes heavy-handed symbolism of Melville…

As a uniquely American story, “The Sopranos” had all the big themes: class, ethnicity, sexuality, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons. It ruminated both on the thickness of blood and on the unsettling ways it can thin with time; it examined the intricate steel on which marriages are built, the high costs of loyalty and even steeper price of betrayal.

So why didn’t we call this the best show of the decade? We wouldn’t fight you to the death if you disagree, but there were some minor quibbles we couldn’t ignore. First, there’s the delays that often sapped our enthusiasm for the show, but enough bitching about those. The culture that grew up around the series — actors peddling cookbooks and pasta sauce and desperately trading on their fleeting “Sopranos” fame — was lame in the extreme. While the story of Tony and Carmela only gained in emotional heft in the later seasons, the subplots and supporting characters of the fifth and sixth seasons often lacked greatness when compared to those in the earlier years. Finally, the Soprano children were not very compelling and only got more airtime as they got older: especially the dull Anthony Jr., who we couldn’t care less about.

Regardless, this series remains one of the signature works of American entertainment and one of the paramount creative masterpieces of the aughts. The story of “The Sopranos” was gripping, moving, funny, frightening, shocking, and unforgettable. If you haven’t seen it, get thee to a Netflix account immediately — prepare to be mindblown.

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”

#3: “Lost.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 12
by Alpine McGregor


It’s a show about a group of poor souls trying to get back to human civilization after their plane crashes on a remote Pacific island. No wait, it’s a story about a mysterious island inadvertently discovered by the plane-crash survivors, and the mysteries that lie within. Hang on! It’s in fact about the survivors battling against a mysterious tribe known as the Others. Hey, there are actually more plane-crash survivors than we originally knew about! OK, it’s also about this weird group called the Dharma Initiative and their ill-fated research mission to the island. Hmm, this is interesting, the plane crash survivors seem to be mightily interconnected. Wait, who the heck are the Others again? Run, the smoke monster is coming!!

All right, start over. The show is about survivor’s guilt, as seen through the experiences of the people who get off the island. No, it’s about daddy issues. Wait, is the island actually the afterlife? Is it hell? Purgatory? Whoa, this Jacob dude just showed up and now I think it’s all a battle between good and evil…or is it a showdown between free will and destiny? Holy crap, now we’re traveling through time. What the heck is going on?

It sounds confusing as hell, and it is – but awesomely so. For consistently keeping viewers glued to the screen and puzzling over what just happened for hours afterward, we declare “Lost” to be the 3rd best television show of the aughts.

The show opens in horrifying fashion: a plane traveling from Sydney to Los Angeles rips apart in midair, and the fuselage crashes on a remote island. As the survivors begin to regain their senses, it becomes clear that there are mysterious creatures or forces on the island that they must contend with. As they struggle to survive amidst the wreckage, we begin to learn more about the plane-crash victims through flashbacks to their past experiences.

Jack (Matthew Fox) is a neurosurgeon who becomes the survivors’ leader after urging them to work together to stay alive. Kate (Evangeline Lilly) is a beautiful, brave woman with a dark past. Sawyer (Josh Holloway) is an antisocial jerk who hoards supplies for himself and antagonizes the other survivors. John Locke (Terry O’Quinn) is a formerly paralyzed man who finds himself able to walk again on the island; he becomes intrigued by its power and potential and provides a faith-oriented foil to the logically-oriented Jack. Hurley (Jorge Garcia) is a upbeat, chubby dude with a history of truly bad luck. Sayid (Naveen Andrews) is a former Iraqi Republican Guard interrogator. Claire (Emilie de Ravin) is a pregnant woman about to give birth on the strange and mysterious island. Charlie (a Hobbit) is a former Oasis-like rocker addicted to heroin and seeking a fresh start.

Other characters emerge during the first season: Boone and Shannon, step-siblings with a complicated relationship; Michael Dawson, who has recently reunited with his son Walt, and tries to be a good father to him despite their complicated relationship; Jin and Sun, a Korean couple with a complicated relationship. Getting the picture? There are LOTS of complicated relationships on this show, and the web of interrelated characters only gets more tangled as the series rolls on. (Don’t worry, it’s a fascinating process.)

We soon learn that there is another group of people on the island, ominously known as “the Others.” They antagonize the survivors, infiltrating their group, abducting Claire, and generally terrorizing everyone in a bid to keep them confined to the beach. It soon emerges that the tail section of the plane also landed on the island, and we meet another group of survivors known as the “tailies,” who have also been antagonized by the Others. They discover a troubled, paranoid woman named Danielle Rousseau who claims the Others stole her child. Additionally, there is a very strange creature on the island: a “smoke monster” that appears to possess violent strength as well as some measure of intelligence.


While Jack marshals a large group of the survivors in a bid to escape the island and make it home, Locke is more interested in the mysteries of the island, particularly a strange hatch that he has discovered…

It’s difficult to describe the plot any further without indulging in serious spoilers, so we’ll simply run down some general groups of characters and plot threads:

  • We eventually meet and learn more about the Others, particularly their leader Ben Linus (Michael Emerson), his advisor Richard Alpert (Nestor Carbonell), and recent joinee and fertility specialist Juliet Burke (Elizabeth Mitchell). Their presence on the island is a long-standing one, and it’s unclear just how long the Others have been around or what exactly they are up to. After five seasons, their back story is still shrouded in mystery.
  • The Dharma Initiative is long gone by the time the “Losties” arrive on the island, but through exploration of their abandoned research facilities, flashbacks and trips back in time, we learn that they were a group of researchers devoted to saving the world by changing the parameters of an end-times equation through their work on the island. Their frequent clashes with the Others, who they call “the Hostiles,” leads to their massacre in the event known as “The Purge.” (This episode absolutely rules.)
  • Charles Widmore (Alan Dale) is a wealthy man seeking to take control of the island, bent on revenge against Ben Linus. We later learn that he was once the leader of the Others. He employs a variety of scientists (including Charlotte Lewis), mercenaries (the odious Martin Kearny), and a spiritualist (Miles Straume) in his bid to regain control over the island, and presumably, its powers.
  • Desmond Hume (Henry Ian Cusick) is in love with Widmore’s daughter, Penny; after being lost at sea, he is shipwrecked on the island. He later discovers that he has mysterious “special” powers and finds himself increasingly drawn into the mysteries surrounding the island.
  • Daniel Faraday (the totally underrated Jeremy Davies) is a physicist who is interconnected with Widmore, who funds his research, and Desmond, who he meets at various points in time and space. His mother, Eloise Hawking, is a former Other and has a complex relationship (there it is again) with Widmore.
  • Most bafflingly and intriguingly, the island is the home of a character named Jacob, who appears ageless and has extensive powers. The Others are the only ones who are aware of Jacob, and they treat him like an ultimate leader. Not only that, but Jacob has a nameless, similarly ageless nemesis bent on his destruction – they seem to have a longstanding conflict over the wisdom and consequences of luring people to the island.

The show’s producers, headed by Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, manage to juggle all these characters across five seasons, skillfully employing flashbacks and flashforwards to reveal what has happened to them, or what will happen. In the fifth season, extensive time travel begins to occur, adding additional complexity to the plot.

But let’s take a step back here: “Lost” works not because of sci-fi hocum pocum, but because we care about its dozens of well-drawn characters. Through the flashbacks, we learn about their troubled lives and emotional scars; in more lighthearted scenes, we laugh along with them even in the midst of frightening circumstances.

In the meantime, “Lost” does it all: creating a complex web of narratives, consistently changing things up with amazing plot twists and cliffhangers, and introducing one compelling new character after another. Mysteries lead to payoffs, or more often, lead to further mysteries. “Lost” was MADE for the internet age: it is the perfect topic for a wiki, with its hundreds of interconnected strands, curious screengrabbable moments, dozens of unexplained questions, and endless subtle references. (We encourage baffled viewers to check out Lostpedia.)

The show has also drawn viewers in with online puzzles and alternate reality games that allow them to decipher information about the series that otherwise remains oblique. “The Lost Experience” is a particularly good example. First, a website for the Hanso Foundation — the money behind the Dharma Initiative — appeared, and was slowly hacked by a fictional character named “Persephone.” A novel entitled “Bad Twin,” which turned up in manuscript form in the plane-crash wreckage, was published, and contained interesting tie-in elements. Then the Hanso website was shut down and a blog by “activist” Rachel Blake appeared with further information about the nefarious Hanso group. Blake herself made an appearance at the 2006 Comic Con, causing an outburst at a Lost panel and accusing the producers of covering up the truth – thus leading to the discovery of yet another website. “TLE” even manufactured a fictional brand of candy bar in the process of revealing the mystery.

Players of the game ultimately uncovered dozens of video fragments that could be pieced together to assemble this video, which explains the meaning of “The Numbers,” an early mystery of the show:

This is one reason why “Lost” is one of the decade’s greatest shows: instead of hiding from the modern technology era, by keeping spoilers under lock and key and bemoaning the prying eyes of the Internet, the show feeds the monster by continually leaking information in the most compelling ways. One can enjoy “Lost” simply by watching the weekly broadcasts, of course, but the show also caters to its most devoted fans by dispensing all manner of interactive entertainment that ties in with the plots unfolding on TV.

Time magazine said it well, when declaring “Lost” one of the best 100 shows of all time:

In a way it’s a misnomer to call Lost one of TV’s best shows—it’s a fine show on the level of character and writing, but what makes it a classic is that it’s the finest interactive game ever to appear in your living room once a week. An elaborate fractal pattern of intersecting stories concerning plane survivors on a not-quite-deserted island, a secretive international organization and a monster made of smoke, Lost only begins with the 60 minutes you see on TV. Its mysteries, clues and literary-historical allusions demand research, repeat viewing, freeze-framing and endless online discussions.

And in a medium where executives assume that viewers will flee anything that remotely challenges them, Lost proves that millions of people will support a difficult, intelligent, even frustrating story—as long as you blow the right kind of smoke at them.

“Lost” has a lot of work to do in its final season, which premieres in a few weeks. It’s quite possible that the process of explaining some of its mysteries away will be a little bit like when George Lucas ruined The Force. Still, you have to have some faith in the producers and writers after all they’ve accomplished thus far, continuing to yank the audience deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole while blowing minds on a weekly basis. Additionally, they have assembled a truly magnificent ensemble cast that is up to any challenges that might be thrown their way.

Empire Magazine called Lost the fifth-greatest show of all time, and explained:

Only time will tell whether it’s as clever as it seems, but few TV shows have gripped viewers’ imaginations like this hybrid of Swiss Family Robinson and Twin Peaks. An innovative structure in which each episode hones in on a different character, with flashbacks and flashforwards expanding their backstory, ensures the entire cast is fleshed out beyond the constraints of the primary narrative.

But aside from the host of unique and colourful characters – from earnest Jack to cocky Sawyer, noble Jin to bug-eyed Ben – it’s the epic mysteries at the core of the story that keeps us coming back. What powers does the island have? What’s that polar bear doing in the tropics? And how come Hurley never loses weight despite being marooned on an island?

So many mysteries, so many questions. So many great episodes, baffling cliffhangers and amazing reveals. Regardless of the show’s ultimate payoff, the seasons of “Lost” that graced television screens during the aughts were simply masterful. Here’s hoping they finish strong and cement the series’ place as one of the best of all time.

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”

#4: “American Idol.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 11
by Alpine McGregor

Okay, before you unsubscribe, at least hear us out.

In a media age characterized by the rise of reality and interactivity, when Andy Warhol’s famous dictum about 15 minutes of fame has never seemed more valid, there is no show more emblematic of the times. This series has repeatedly proven its ability to discover and promote star-level talent — and not just in terms of its contestants. Through the genius machinations of its producers, it manages to engage and entertain tens of millions of people across a variety of demographic groups on a weekly basis. It features one of the most memorable TV villains of the decade, an antagonist who’s not afraid to rip apart the dreams of young men and women and then laugh in their faces.

Most importantly, it has consistently fed the American people’s (delusional?) belief that anyone can be a star and that everyone’s opinion matters. No overview of the decade in television is complete without a hat tip to its influence and success, and if you think this show is lame, either you have never really watched a season, or you’re just an insufferable snob.

We deem “American Idol” the 4th best television show of the aughts: it consistently lived up to its billing, entertained millions, fueled a rich and varied Internet subculture, and never stopped evolving.

It’s easy to forget, now that “AI” is an unparalleled ratings juggernaut that warrants major news headlines when it makes an offseason lineup change: the show began its life on American television as a summer replacement show in 2002, just another US spinoff of a European (in this case, British) reality concept. By that September, its finale pulled down 50 million viewers, and a hugely successful franchise was born. The irony is that the first season’s contestant talent was, with one notable exception, fairly mediocre. “AI” didn’t become a huge hit because it struck an untapped gold mine of vocal greatness — it became a huge hit because it is flawlessly composed and executed, like a classic pop song.

“AI” didn’t invent the idea of a talent-search-themed reality show; it merely perfected it. Sure, plenty of future stars like Christina Aguilera and Uncle Joey appeared on “Star Search,” but they were effectively lost among the millions of contestants who strutted across the stage in a long series of forgettable episodes. The genius of “AI” is that it weaves multiple narratives about its young contestants, deftly manipulating each thread in episode after episode, slowly bringing the favorites to the fore before crowning a champion in a compelling finale broadcast — and all the while encouraging the target audience to think (a) “Hey, that could be ME up there!” and (b) “Where’s my cell phone, my vote truly counts!”


Each season starts out at the regional auditions, where the future Idols compete alongside delusional, talentless idiots. Every future finalist is lost in a vast sea of hopefuls (above, Denver’s football stadium is seen packed with Idol tryouts). These early episodes largely feature tonedeaf freaks being ripped apart by the judges, particularly the cruel Simon Cowell (more on him later). When a contestant with actual talent pops up in the midst of this mediocrity, it’s like a bolt from the blue. We see the people who will later go on to battle for the crown as ordinary schmoes, accompanied by their moms at the audition, thrilled by the chance to escape their boring hometowns and head for a once-in-a-lifetime shot at fame in glamorous Hollywood! (Never mind that Hollywood proper is actually a pretty gross, slummy place.) The narratives that will carry us through the season begin in these humble moments, when the nascent Idol is just a kid with a dream from Nowheresville, USA.

By the way, that almost perfectly describes the backstory of the show’s host, Ryan Seacrest, when the show premiered in 2002. Not only was Seacrest a no-name back then, he actually shared hosting duties with the soon-to-be-a-trivia-answer Brian Dunkleman. We’ve heard many people bemoan the ubiquity of Seacrest, who hosts the nation’s most popular television show, a widely-syndicated morning radio show, the legendary American Top 40 weekend radio countdown, and the highest-profile New Year’s Eve special. It’s our observation that most of the people who “hate” Seacrest are merely evidencing a knee-jerk reaction against anything that’s widely popular in American culture, and have never actually watched or listened to anything he’s done for more than five minutes.

NOBODY in show business works harder than Ryan Seacrest – check out this interview with Jimmy Kimmel in which he explains that every day of his life is governed by a remorseless minute-by-minute schedule. Seacrest is preternaturally comfortable in front of the camera or microphone, and has a natural talent for sympathetically interviewing everyone from weirdos to superstars. In the context of Idol, he masterfully delivers voting results to maximize suspense, while nobly defending contestants from Simon’s wrath. When the list of megastars launched by “AI” is drawn up, Seacrest’s name should be at the top of the list.

Anyway, one of the amazing things about “AI” is its ability to draw in different groups of people by presenting compelling contestants geared to their collective preferences. This skillful collage of appeal is the reason why “American Idol” is so successful. Take the recently-concluded Season 8 as an example. This competition featured the coastal-friendly, barely-closeted Adam Lambert; Southern tween-bait charmer Kris Allen; punky Latina rocker Allison Iraheta; insufferable Christian widower and blue-eyed soulster Danny Gokey; urban/R&B wannabe Lil Rounds; Buble-lite midwesterner Matt Giraud; oil-rig-workin’ country boy Michael Sarver; attractive-but-untalented tattoo-sleeved babe Megan Joy; Indian-American a cappella preppie Anoop Desai; and legally-blind piano man Scott McIntyre. Only the naive viewer would think that “AI” simply selects the best singers and goes from there — instead, the show is carefully calibrated to present a series of appealing characters that will draw different kinds of viewers in and inspire all of them to pick up their phones. For savvy TV viewers, it’s a joy to watch the producers craft these narratives and set up showdowns between the different sectors of their audience.

If you take in a season of “AI,” you are pretty much guaranteed to see the rise of a no-name singer who will eventually become a giant star. At the very least, you’re assured of seeing some interesting personalities. Let’s recap the outstanding characters from the first eight seasons of the show:

  1. The winner, Kelly Clarkson, became a major star; she would go on to record one of the best pop singles of the decade and become the female version of Meat Loaf: great pipes, but a little scary to behold. Honorable mention to Justin Guarini, Kelly’s co-star in the unintentional-comedy classic film, “From Justin to Kelly.”
  2. The two finalists, Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken, have both gone on to successful careers in the music business. Ruben, the winner, has largely faded from mainstream attention, but his albums continue to have great success on the R&B charts. Clay is a weirdo but his albums sell surprisingly well, probably because he anticipated the return to popularity of “standards”. Both have also launched musical theater careers.
  3. Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson was one of the finalists, although criminally under-appreciated on the show. Winner Fantasia is still around, kicking off a new VH1 reality show in 2010. We’d be remiss to ignore rejectee William Hung, whose immortal performance of “She Bangs” will live forever on YouTube.
  4. Carrie Underwood, ever heard of her? Carrie opened up the country genre for a show that had previously only focused on R&B and pop, and became the biggest star the show has yet produced. Here’s an awesome song by the lovely Carrie, and here’s another. Honorable mention to Constantine Maroulis, who ended up starring in “Rock of Ages” on Broadway, romancing socialites and the actresses who play them on TV.
  5. Taylor Hicks was a forgettable winner, but runner-up Katharine McPhee has gone on to a decent music/movie crossover career. The most significant contestant was probably Chris Daughtry, who has forged decent (albeit cheesy) modern rock success with his eponymous band: another genre conquered by Idol contestants.
  6. Winner Jordin Sparks has been tearing up the charts lately, including a hugely successful collab with Chris Brown. (Interestingly, she is the only non-Southerner to win the competition thus far.)
  7. It’s still too early to tell if winner David Cook will achieve sustained success in the music biz, but runner-up David Archuleta remains a massive tween sensation.
  8. Kris Allen might have won but he seems like the poor man’s John Mayer to us (if he doesn’t hit it big, we’ll be the first to crow that Simon was right and he should have hidden his wife). The huge breakout star is of course Adam Lambert, who transformed the season with his epic performances and went on to scandalize the nation by facehumping a dude on a live TV broadcast.

Part of the reason why the nation embraces so many “AI” stars after the season’s last broadcast is that we’ve watched them audition, fight through the pack of finalists to be noticed, perform great one week and lousy the next, push themselves and expand their repertoire, appear in some truly stupid Ford commercials, appeal for votes again and again, stand up to receive criticism and praise from the panel of judges, and conclude their season with victory, or more likely, disappointment. The sympathetic response this process provokes has helped many former “Idol” finalists get a toehold in the music industry.

The judge panel is a huge element of the show’s success, which makes their recent lineup changes all the more troubling with regard to future years. However, for the first seven seasons, “AI” featured a three-judge panel that set the bar for all other reality competitions to follow. “Idol” established a judge-panel template that all competitors would be wise to imitate: the soft-touch nice judge, the relaxed and cool (but sometimes critical) judge, and the asshole mean judge who speaks the truth every single time.

Paula Abdul was the “mom” of the show, showering even mediocre contestants with praise (and in one case, taking up with contestant Corey Clark and helping him advance in the competition). While she grew more and more incoherent as the decade went on, ultimately leading to her ouster, Paula at her best was an integral part of “AI.” When a contestant had just been savaged by Simon, Paula was always there to soothe his bruised ego. It definitely remains to be seen how well the show will hold up in her absence: the jury is still out on Kara DioGuardi, but they’re definitely leaning towards conviction. (Ellen DeGeneres is pretty awesome, but can she really be the next Paula? We will find out; but that’s twenty-tweens business, and we’re talking aughts here.)

At one time, for instance the 1990s, Randy Jackson’s claim to fame — session bassist who became a spandex-wearing member of late-stage Journey — would have been grounds for disdain, but there was nothing lame about ironic Journey-related fame in the aughts. Randy was the pivot between Paula and Simon, providing a swing vote; he would usually preface his remarks by saying “for you” or “for me” a thousand times, before proclaiming that a performance was either “pitchy” or “HOT!”.

The clip above (click through, it’s worth it) is a classic example of Simon Cowell at work. He is basically a heartless S.O.B. who is completely unafraid to say what he thinks and hurt people’s feelings. Consequently, he also has by far the most credibility of any “AI” judge. He’s also become one of the most compelling villains on television in a long, long time. Entire regions of the country have exploded in outrage after Simon savages their favorite contestant’s latest performance on live TV. Simon Cowell is the judge that critical viewers love because he speaks the truth, while fans of particular contestants love to hate him for the same reason. Even when Simon has clearly chosen a favorite, he’s still ready and willing to let them know when they mail in a performance.

So many reality talent shows have fallen short of the high standard set by “AI” because they either fail to realize the importance of having a “Simon,” or because the judges they select are too chickenshit to tell the contestants how mediocre most of them are. A great example of this is the recent, forgettable NBC show “The Sing Off,” which featured Ben Folds, a Boy II Men and the main Pussycat Doll as judges — basically, two Randys and a more coherent Paula. It was often excruciating to watch because nobody would man up and tell a crappy group that their performance was terrible.

There’s one more element of “AI” that must be mentioned: its interactivity has fueled an Internet subculture that most densely-plotted dramas would die for. The most obvious example of this is Vote for the Worst – a website that identifies the weakest contestants on “Idol” and then rallies Internet jerks to keep them in the competition. Yes, “AI” is so successful, it’s actually spawned a subculture of people who ostensibly hate it, yet completely play into its hands by following along and voting.

For those who actually like to see the bad performers voted off and the good performers stay, there’s amazing ancillary material like EW’s Idolatry blog and videos: they are absolutely essential viewing for any Idol-head.

“AI” gets so little critical love that we had to seek out the wisdom of Brett McCracken at his blog, “The Search,” to find someone who agreed with us about this show’s place in the aughts pantheon. He makes some excellent points:

This is the show that has dominated the decade in ratings and reality TV trends. After Idol came all the other dancing, performing, talent shows. But Idol’s contribution was also to the emerging landscape of “convergence” television in general—perfecting the art of audience interactivity, product placement, and trans-media storytelling (a live show, a concert tour, single available on iTunes, etc).

It’s not Citizen Kane or anything, but it’s a ridiculously well-oiled machine of moneymaking pop entertainment. And I applaud that.

To recap: “American Idol” is a perennial ratings uber-champion that achieves its success not by boiling its product down to an unoriginal, easily-digestible pablum, but by creating a diverse, interesting, evolving product that pulls people in from all walks of life and convinces them to get involved. Its panel of judges set the standard by which all other reality competitions will be … judged. It bills itself as the search for the next great American singing talent, and it has indeed unearthed a good dozen pop stars. It is the most popular television show in America because it is one of the most deftly crafted television programs of all time. Like its principal sponsor Coca-Cola, it’s ubiquitous not only because it is relentlessly marketed and sold, but also because it’s freaking delicious.

If you still disagree, that’s certainly your right — but try watching an entire season before you dismiss it. You might just be surprised at how addictive and fun “AI” can be.

(UPDATE: You’d better hurry, because this is reportedly Simon’s final season.)

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”

#5: “Arrested Development.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 8
by Alpine McGregor

Without a doubt, the funniest television series of the decade: a show that rewards first-time viewers with a variety of gigglesome characters and situations, but that’s so skillfully composed that it only gets better with repeated viewings. At times, the subtle references — to the actors’ past careers, future events in the series, and trends in the culture at large — are almost overwhelming, but they are always held in check by the series’ devotion to straight-up comedy. This show is so awesome, it even makes puns seem cool.

For genius comedy that tickles your cerebrum and busts your gut, we name “Arrested Development” the 5th best television show of the aughts.

Ron Howard, the ultimate Hollywood veteran and renowned pimp, came up with the idea for a highly-scripted, heavily-rehearsed sitcom that would be shot by handheld cameras like a reality show. He started discussions on the theme at his development shop, Imagine Entertainment. Screenwriter Mitchell Hurwitz, an alum of Georgetown and The Golden Girls, seized upon the idea of chronicling the fall of a “riches-to-rags” family, inspired by the 2001 economic collapse and the failure of large corporations like Enron.

“Arrested Development” tells the tale of the Bluth family, McMansion developers who have run afoul of national and international law through the various shady dealings of the patriarch, George Bluth Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor). The series opens with George Sr. being arrested by the SEC for fraud and corruption, forcing his son Michael (Jason Bateman) to take the reins of the sinking ship that is the Bluth Company. Throughout the series, Michael struggles to keep the company and the family afloat, as the rest of the characters behave in selfish and absurd ways that constantly undermine his efforts. Howard narrates the series, interjecting great commentary along the way.

Unlike some of the other series for which we’ve penned profiles in greatness this week, “Arrested Development” is featured in a wide variety of YouTube clips for our collective enjoyment. Thank God, because we’re running out of ways to say “This TV show rules” and it’s much easier to just show you:

Jason Bateman resurrected his once-proud TV career with a masterful performance in “Arrested Development.” In a show filled with ridiculous clowns, it’s not easy to play such an effective straight man, but Bateman is an inspiration. Michael is seemingly the only Bluth concerned with keeping the family and company out of trouble, but he is also naive to think that he can corral his family or contain their deleterious effect on the business. Nonetheless, he soldiers on throughout the series, even though he’s surrounded by lunatics — even his parents, played by Tambor and Jessica Walter, are selfish jerks. The many scenes in which his family mocks him with the “chicken dance” illustrate this point nicely (sorry for the subpar video, but this clip is great):

This series is packed full of great characters, but it is very difficult to top Will Arnett’s performance as Gob, the idiotic eldest brother. Gob (his name is short for George Oscar Bluth Jr. and pronounced like the Biblical character, though often mispronounced in the show) is an arrogant womanizing dolt who thinks of himself as  a master magician. When he isn’t riding a Segway emblazoned with his initials or performing with the Hot Cops male stripper group, Gob is staging absurd “illusions” and making an ass out of himself.

Youngest brother Buster, memorably portrayed by Tony Hale of “Mr. Roboto” Volkswagen commercial fame (referenced in the series, of course), is the clearest case of “arrested development” in the bunch. He clings to his controlling mother Lucille and behaves like a helpless child. After his hand is bitten off by a “loose seal,” he wears a hook or a prosthetic hand — but in this memorable moment of rebellion against Lucille, he puts on Gob’s ventriloquist dummy Franklin.

Portia di Rossi plays Lindsay, the boys’ sister, a shallow dimwit whose only interests lie in promoting various silly causes and courting marginally-available men. Her husband, Tobias Funke, is played brilliantly by David Cross — if Gob is the funniest character on the show, Tobias is a close second. For instance, he is a “never nude” who has a psychological aversion to being completely naked, and sports a pair of cutoff jean shorts at ALL times. Tobias spends most of the series as a struggling actor who often obliviously spouts gay double entendres, but as he explains in this clip, he once had a prestigious professional career:

“Arrested Development” also featured the breakout of Michael Cera as George Michael, the son of Jason Bateman’s character. (Three “Michael”s in a sentence violates the ROTI style guide.) George Michael is a docile lad who specializes in painfully awkward moments. He’s in love with his cousin Maeby (Alia Shawkat), the daughter of Lindsay and Tobias; George Michael spends most of the show in anguish over his forbidden passion. It’s unlikely that any television comedy has riffed so memorably on incest jokes to the extent that “Arrested Development” did. Here’s one very funny example:

Another great element of “Arrested Development” is its deep roster of excellent guest stars. Longtime Ron Howard associate Henry Winkler played the family lawyer Barry Zuckerkorn, until he was fired and replaced by Scott Baio as Bob Loblaw (author of “Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog”). Carl Weathers plays himself in a very funny series of appearances in which he mentors Tobias. Zach Braff did a two-episode stint as a never-nude Joe Francis-alike. Ed Begley Jr. plays Tambor’s rival Stan Sitwell. Veteran LA newsman John Beard often appears as himself on the series.

Not convinced yet? OK, peep these names: Charlize Theron, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Amy Poehler, Dave Thomas, Jeff Garlin, James Lipton, and Justine Bateman all turn in great performances. Most memorably, Liza Minnelli is awesome as Lucille Austero:

The show’s writers showed a particular knack for coming up with funny catch phrases — usually, catch phrases in a sitcom are the mark of laziness and lameness, but “Arrested Development” managed to pull off some pretty great ones. One classic is “Douche chill,” a phrase Tobias utters to describe the unpleasant sensation of watching someone humiliate themselves:

To get a sense of how sweet this show is, if you haven’t already, here’s a recap of the episode entitled “Pier Pressure,” adapted from its Wikipedia page, with some subplots excised:

Michael is disappointed in George Michael’s A-minus on a math test. Lindsay says that Michael puts too much pressure on George Michael and is as bad as their father, George Sr., who used a one-armed former employee named J. Walter Weatherman to scare his children into learning what he considered valuable life lessons.

Michael overhears George Michael berate himself as he struggles with a math problem and realizes that maybe he is pushing him too hard and tells him to take some time off and relax. George Michael grows bored, though, and decides to go back to work in the family’s banana stand, where he is confronted by his uncle Buster. Buster tells George Michael that his girlfriend Lucille Austero’s vertigo is acting up, and by trying to fight it without medicine, she’s experiencing some nausea; he wants George Michael to buy pot for Lucille.

Shyly walking around the docks looking to buy pot for Buster, George Michael doesn’t find G.O.B. on the yacht and leaves a note asking if he can buy him some pot. G.O.B. does so, but tells Michael about it first. Michael quizzes his son, who nervously denies all knowledge of nefarious acts. Michael knows that George Michael is lying to him and reconvenes with G.O.B. – who is now smoking the pot he bought – to ask what he should do, when he decides to teach his son a lesson like his father used to teach them. Michael visits his father to get access to the one-armed man so he can teach his own son a lesson. But George Sr. refuses, telling Michael that his lessons were wrong, and that Michael should just talk to his son. With G.O.B.’s help, Michael hires some Hot Cops to stage a fake drug bust.

Later that night, George Michael boards the yacht and G.O.B. flashes the lights. Quickly, two men appear with a bag of pot and George Michael reluctantly completes the deal. That’s when the Hot Cops – plus one “construction worker” spring into action – cranking some music and dancing around. Michael appears and tells George Michael a lesson has been instilled. But Buster, deciding to stand up for himself, comes forward and admits that the weed was for him, not George Michael. Michael, upset with Buster, tells him to take George Michael home.

Just as they leave, though, two real drug dealers, having seen G.O.B.’s light flashing, come forward with a supply of weed looking to make a deal. But before G.O.B. can explain, a police boat comes up, flashing its lights. The dealers, thinking they were set up, pull out their guns, and Michael and G.O.B. become trapped in the middle of a gun battle. The brothers are terrified, until one of the dealers loses an arm, and they look up to see the face of J. Walter Weatherman. Michael realized that, once again, his father had taught him an elaborate lesson – not to teach his son lessons.

Michael tells George Michael that he should have told him what was going on, and that he should always feel comfortable to be honest with him, to which George Michael responds by admitting to having a crush on Maeby. Michael, however, does not believe him.

Paste Magazine named “Arrested Development” the best show of the decade, and here’s why:

Mitch Hurwitz’ sitcom about a “wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together” debuted six weeks after Two and a Half Men, but never gathered the audience to keep the show alive. Still, Hurwitz packed a whole lot of awesome into three short seasons. How much awesome? Well, there was the chicken dance, for starters. And Franklin’s “It’s Not Easy Being White.” There was Ron Howard’s spot-on narration, and Tobias Funke’s Blue Man ambitions. There was Mrs. Featherbottom and Charlize Theron as Rita, Michael Bluth’s mentally challenged love interest. Not since Seinfeld has a comic storyline been so perfectly constructed, with every loose thread tying so perfectly into the next act: The Oedipal Buster spiting his mother Lucille by dating her friend Lucille, and eventually losing his hand to a hungry loose seal; George Michael crushing on his cousin only to have the house cave in when they finally kiss; the “Save Our Bluths” campaign trying to simultaneously rescue the family and rescue the show from cancellation.

Arrested Development took self-referencing postmodernism to an absurdist extreme, jumping shark after shark, but that was the point. They even brought on the original shark-jumper—Henry Winkler—as the family lawyer. And when he was replaced, naturally, it was by Scott Baio. Each of the Bluth family members was among the best characters on television, and Jason Bateman played a brilliant straight man to them all. The show was canned three years ago. Meanwhile, Two and a Half Men is still trotting out new episodes. What the hell is wrong with you, America?

Although we knocked some shows to the honorable-mention list for brevity, “Arrested Development” did more in its three perfect seasons than many sitcoms did in a decade or more. Simply put, this was the funniest show of the decade, startling in its originality, screencraft and talent roster.

Although the rumored movie makes us a bit apprehensive — TV show movies don’t often go well — let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth. If this team of masterminds comes together again to create anything from a movie to a telephone book, we will be first in line to enjoy it.

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”

#6: “Mad Men.” [TV Aughtrospective]

2010 January 7
by Alpine McGregor

One of the very best shows on television for the past few years: a gorgeously-shot drama about advertising executives and the women who love them. Its depiction of early-60s life is startling…sexism, racism, hardcore smoking everywhere from the bedroom to the office to the plane, daytime drinking and infidelity. Its flawless art direction, terrific ensemble cast, and engaging scripts have made it a pleasure to watch through three superb seasons.

Although this show definitely seems to be trending upward, based on its body of work so far we dub “Mad Men” the 6th best show of the aughts.

Creator Matthew Weiner was slaving away for the Ted Danson sitcom “Becker” back in 2000. In his spare time, he crafted a spec script for a show called “Mad Men.” Although David Chase read the script and loved it, and brought Weiner aboard to write and produce for “The Sopranos,” most networks deemed the script unfilmable because of the amount of pure vice onscreen. That’s when the glorious spirit of the aughts kicked in. At a time when every basic cable channel started developing its own original shows for prestige and profit, AMC decided to get on board. With so many good shows cluttering the channel guide, they needed a series that would be distinctive, and they found that quality in “Mad Men.”

The series stars the magnetic Jon Hamm as Don Draper, dreamboat creative director for Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency with a dark secret (he’s an identity thief). His colleagues include John Slattery as the womanizing scoundrel Roger Sterling Jr., a man who was born into the advertising business, but maybe not born to do it. Vincent Kartheiser is an ideal annoyance as Pete Campbell, Don’s underling and sometime nemesis. Elisabeth Moss has delivered a breakout performance as Peggy Olson, the secretary-turned-ace copywriter. Most of the office characters (Bert Cooper, Lane Pryce, Sal, Kinsey) are engaging, and provide a great sounding board for the major players to bounce off of. Last but definitely not least, Christina Hendricks may have changed the world with her performance as Joan, the greatest office manager of all time.

Outside the office, “Mad Men” stars January Jones as Don’s wife Peggy Draper, who is a prototypical subject of the Feminine Mystique, and who begins to suspect that her husband is not what he seems. (Not coincidentally, Betty Friedan blamed advertising.) Alison Brie is fantastic as Pete’s wife Trudy…she guides him well on the path of life and rocks tremendous hats. Peyton List turns heads as Jane Siegel, Don’s secretary and then as Jane Sterling, Roger’s wife.

The best thing about this show is the way it looks: the actors are magnificently cast to type and the costumes, sets, props – everything is basically perfect. If you’re the kind of person who goes nuts over set design, you need to check out Natasha Vargas-Cooper’s “The Footnotes of Mad Men” blog.

“Mad Men” features studly dudes…well, one studly dude at least, but he’s studly enough to carry the show…and many intelligent and curvaceous ladies. Add in the fact that they’re ripping through Lucky Strikes like there’s no tomorrow while swigging a drink at 2 PM in an office meeting and it’s both astounding and gorgeous.

Sadly, we can’t embed the following video to strengthen our case for why Mad Men rules because AMC irrationally thinks this will hurt their business, so you’ll have to click through to see it. Don Draper’s pitches are a true highlight of this show, and this Kodak Carousel pitch is a gem.

Even the opening credits of this show are awesome, set to the sweet track “A Beautiful Mine” by RJD2. (Again, you have to click through.)

The show takes us back to the 1960s before “The Sixties” of baby boomer legend, a time when the vestiges of old society still clung on, but with fingernails that were beginning to slip from the windowsill. We see all kinds of foolishness go down — a client flips out because Peter Campbell suggests they sell TVs to black people, the Sterling Cooper crew mocks the soon-to-be iconic Volkswagen Beetle campaign, Sal Romano lives a secret, closeted life out of fear that to do otherwise would cost him his job.  Apparently, this is some kind of ingenious commentary on modern society. According to Weiner’s mentor David Chase, “It was lively and it had something new to say. Here was someone who had written a story about advertising in the 1960s, and was looking at recent American history through that prism.”

Others feel differently, though, and ROTI is somewhat inclined to agree. What does “Mad Men” really tell us about society in 2010, except that “thank god we’re not all racist sexist homophobe smokers anymore!” Especially since we still sort of are, and if THAT is supposed to be the point, that’s weak. Here’s Mark Greif in the London Review of Books:

We watch and know better about male chauvinism, homophobia, anti-semitism, workplace harassment, housewives’ depression, nutrition and smoking. We wait for the show’s advertising men or their secretaries and wives to make another gaffe for us to snigger over. ‘Have we ever hired any Jews?’ – ‘Not on my watch.’ ‘Try not to be overwhelmed by all this technology; it looks complicated, but the men who designed it made it simple enough for a woman to use.’ It’s only a short further wait until a pregnant mother inhales a tumbler of whisky and lights up a Chesterfield; or a heart attack victim complains that he can’t understand what happened: ‘All these years I thought it would be the ulcer. Did everything they told me. Drank the cream, ate the butter. And I get hit by a coronary.’ We’re meant to save a little snort, too, for the ad agency’s closeted gay art director as he dismisses psychological research: ‘We’re supposed to believe that people are living one way, and secretly thinking the exact opposite? . . . Ridiculous!’ – a line delivered with a limp-wristed wave. Mad Men is currently said to be the best and ‘smartest’ show on American TV. We’re doomed.

Although we enjoy Greif’s well-crafted smackdown, Mad Men is definitely one of the best shows going on television right now, and if being doomed means watching sweet TV, then doom our asses.

The elements that Grief identifies are there, of course, and it’s doubtful that they do little more than titillate. Yet his criticism does nothing to dismiss the many great qualities about Mad Men: the actors, the situations, the costumes, the sets, the minute details that they always get right.

AND! The plot twists! (Be warned, this is not for the squeamish when it comes to blood or mild spoilers.)

We’ll give the last word to the excellent TV critic Tim Goodman of the SF Chronicle, who named “Mad Men” the third best show of the 2000s:

The best series still in production (followed closely by AMC stablemate “Breaking Bad”), this drama about the existential angst of an early 1960s ad man, Don Draper, has exemplary writing and acting that is intimate, reflective, funny and shaded, and it boasts the most memorable premise and look in ages.

It carries the torch of greatness into the next decade.

“Mad Men” does not seem to be slowing down as it heads for a fourth season on AMC. The conclusion to the third season was daring, thrilling, and game-changing. “Mad Men” could be setting itself up for an epic run of good television. Stay tuned.

TV Aughtrospective:
Introduction and Runners-Up
#10: “Six Feet Under.”
#9: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
#8: “The Daily Show.”
#7: “South Park.”
#6: “Mad Men.”
#5: “Arrested Development.”
#4: “American Idol.”
#3: “Lost.”
#2: “The Sopranos.”
#1: “The Wire.”