Yale Law women vs. prissy potty puddles

Forgive us for another bathroom-related post, but this item was irresistible.

Recently, the brain power of some of America’s smartest young women – the female students at Yale Law School – has been trained like a laser beam on a crucial issue: toilet seats spattered with water… or worse.

One lawyer-to-be might well have taken the nom de plume Wilhelmina Lloyd Garrison, for boldly standing up to oppose seat splashin’, and making it clear that SHE WILL BE HEARD. This genius of bathroom etiquette debate scores bonus points by coining a passel of hilarious new words and phrases, including “peesplatter,” “splurts and splishes,” and in a landmark blend of alliteration and bathroom humor, “prissy potty puddles.”

From: [Redacted]
Date: Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 2:50 PM
Subject: [TheWall] Prissy YLS Women

Dear Prissy Chicks of YLS,

WHY do you squat over the toilet seat and splatter it with pee instead of just sitting on it like everybody else – or at least cleaning up after yourself? I just went to the ladies room downstairs by the ATM and two of those friggin toilets were liberally spritzed, thanks to your selfish carelessness.

Consider:

1. Yes, toilet seats at our school come into contact with the asses and thighs of many many people. But your ass and thighs are not alone in this world!!! Would it kill you to put your naked buttcheeks on the toilet seat, anyway? It’s not like you’re going to be eating off them! By squatting above the toilet seat and cattily spraying everywhere, you force sensible women to deal with your uric carnage. You either make that toilet unusable, or make the braver women wipe off your peepee.

2. There are solutions to this problem that do not involve forcing others to deal with your yellow droplets all over the toilet seat:

a)Sit on the toilet seat like a grownup.

b)If there are no toilet seat covers, construct a makeshift one out of toilet paper. This should appeal to your excessively prissy nature without forcing you to directly sit your prissy tushie on the toilet seat.

c)If none of the above work, make a huge wad of TP after you’ve splattered on the toilet and wipe it off. Your hand will not come into contact with the peesplatter, which, I might add, came out of you in the first place. Even if it does, you can wash your hands right afterward.

3. And what is wrong with your bladder that it splurts and splishes everywhere
like that? You might want to get that looked at.

You might not want to sit on the toilet seat, but *nobody* wants their bum and thighs to be dampened by your prissy potty puddles.

Really now,
[Redacted]

Needless to say, such a bold and uncompromising stance immediately drew plaudits and criticism. Some objected to the poster’s language (“I, for one, did not appreciate your vulgar comments. I find them incorrect, repulsive and completely inappropriate”); some vehemently argued that the splashy-splashy was the result of “spitting toilets,” not poorly-aiming women; and others were quick to blame the common wretches who ruin everything (“I will point out, however, that the specific bathrooms you are speaking of do not require keytag access and so are the only ones accessible to non-YLS students”).

And in the most completely unsurprising development in the history of developments, the conversation soon degenerated into a muddle of academic-speak:

From: [redacted]
Date: Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 9:44 AM

As much as I do not like to fall into the trap of the public – private spheres, that is, as if certain issues must be kept in private, especially when relating to women and god forbid, their bodies, I do think that the original email was quite offensive. It is not offensive because it deals with women’s bodies in the public sphere. It is offensive because it is quite pornographic and invasive to my private sphere of both my body and email account. As much as women’s bodies are not an embarrassing secret that should be confined into the domains of “clinicalities”, these graphic and pornographic expressions do nothing but mocking us as women.

“Private sphere of both my body and email account”?!?!?!?!!?

Let’s just say this redacted responder, despite her obvious command of the academic-blather genre, couldn’t coin a phrase as genius as “uric carnage” on her best day.

Read the whole email thread at the ABOVE THE LAW “legal tabloid.”

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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