“Gossip Girl” Is Secretly A Total Failure

ggirl cast

Gossip Girl, one of the hottest and most controversial shows on TV!

This show has scandalized everyone with its ever-twisting plotlines, its admirable collection of young tail, and its off-set “showmances.”

And those names!! Those mellifluous names like “Badgley,” and “Momsen.”

The New York Times noticed, archly:

In any case, the normally tranquil block — Carnegie Hill has many needlepoint shops, boutiques with children’s clothing from France and, of course, private schools — contained a small mob scene of 11- to 15-year-old girls, particularly after 3 p.m. each day, when classes had let out. On Tuesday, they came in groups of four and five, in pairs and alone, and massed on Park Avenue and in front of the church entrance on 93rd Street, waiting to glimpse the show’s principals.

At first blush, it could be difficult to figure out who was in the show and who was merely watching the filming. Where did real life end and fiction begin?

“I totally want to see Chuck,” said 14-year-old Catherine, who appeared to be the ringleader of a group of Sacred Heart eighth graders and who was wary of sharing her full name. She meant Chuck Bass, the young roué played by Ed Westwick.

“Blake Lively is my idol,” she said, referring to the actress who plays Serena van der Woodsen. “But if Chuck walked out here, I think I’d jump him.”

Katherine Withseidelin and Hollis Alpert, who are in the eighth grade at Chapin, were there early on Tuesday afternoon. “We saw Chuck yesterday,” Miss Withseidelin said.

“Yeah, that was a big deal,” Miss Alpert said. “He sort of was just, like, walking back to his trailer. So we got pictures. This is our third time here.”

US Weekly squealed:

Apparently Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr are mixing business with pleasure.

W Magazine is reporting that the Gossip Girl co-stars were spotted kissing “definitely on the lips” in a Dallas airport on Sunday.

“Not a French kiss, but a smooch definitely,” the magazine reports. “They were being very flirty when people were not paying attention.”

The New York Post adds that “they were trying to be discreet by stealing kisses near the gate.”

The two rode coach on their way back to New York City, the Post reports, and “were kissing in the aisles, but once they sat, she read her script and he drank a Heineken.”

A rep for the stars would not comment.

Good golly!! Noticed in publications high and low.

The Gossip Girl Facebook group has 762,618 members! (For reference, CBS timeslot rival The Big Bang Theory’s group has 180,392.)

Confession time. We’ve seen this show, and found it to be as delightfully stupid as many of its primetime teen soap opera predecessors. It’s not a good show, per se, but it achieves what it sets out to do.

And some of them ladies are fine…

Blake Lively is a good as it gets, and you gotta love Meester! She was born in prison!

Google Trends reveals that GG receives press and web coverage far outstripping any of its timeslot rivals:

ggirl-googtrends

There’s only one problem with this picture.

NOBODY WATCHES GOSSIP GIRL.

Brendon from WWTDD noticed:

The media goes all crazy over Gossip Girl, and no one really has any idea why, because no one watches that boring shit. Even in the coveted 18-34 demo, where one would assume it would do well, it was behind “Cuidado con el Angel”, and an hour later almost twice as many people watched “Feugo en la Sangre”. I don’t know what the hell that is, but if it’s like all the other Mexican TV I’ve accidentally watched, it’s pure fucking madness, a talk show with a midget in a diaper chasing money and a super hot hooker with big tits and a some really fat twins on a tiny motorcycle, and then a chupacabra report, brought to you by Nestles Abuelita. Way to go Gossip Girl.

ggirl-ratings

There’s no shame in losing to 24, but to get pasted by every terrible show on network television that entire night?

That’s just weak.

You wouldn’t know how sucky this show’s ratings are from the cavalcade of coverage it has received.

Hmm, maybe this has to do with shooting your show in New York, media capital of Earth, and pitching your themes directly to the snooty, sleaze-centric audience of the media elite!

gossip girl

Despite all the press coverage, this show has a problem. It really doesn’t have that many fans.

Here’s a list of the ratings for every episode. Not one showing of this series has exceeded a 2.0 rating in the 18-49 demographic.

So, what stunt can executive producer Josh Schwartz pull to turn this baby around?

Eh, just his same old tricks from his “O.C.” days. Cheesy “hip” music and showmances.

We noticed this interesting note on a Gawker roundup of blind items:

“The old movie studio system used to match up gay stars with beards to improve their marketability. Times haven’t changed much. Two young Hollywood couples are now being employed in such a ruse. The men in each couple are gay, and the girls are the beards. All of them are aware of their roles. There’s an interesting twist coming up, though. Now that the novelty of each couple has worn off, each couple will be breaking up and swapping partners with the other to stir up controversy and to get them back on the magazine covers.”

So when Penn Badgley and Ed Westwick swap Blake Lively for Jessica Szohr, you can say you heard it here first.

Meanwhile, this show will be off the air in no time, because as scandalous and delightful as it might be, nobody is watching it.

UPDATE (12/4/10): Just as I was thinking I’d have to eat my words, everything I predicted has begun to come true!

The show’s ratings are tanking, Blake Lively is looking for the door hoping to start a movie career and dumping her showmance boyfriend Badgely, Taylor Momsen is driving directors to drink and taking a hiatus from the show. Most tellingly, the traffic to this article has fallen off completely! Everyone is 100% over this show and the fourth season just started!

I give this show five seasons, tops. It’s another O.C. and should never be mentioned in the same breath as legendary shows like the original “90210.”

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

13 Responses to “Gossip Girl” Is Secretly A Total Failure

  1. ank says:

    i watch gossip girl.
    it’s good
    so congrats for all this stuff
    thou it wasnt necessary

  2. ed says:

    thats bullshit gossip girl is awesome and the best show ever.

  3. valerie says:

    someone is jealous or really bored to pay so much attention and waste time on “putting facts together” about movie that is “delightfully stupid”.

  4. yasa says:

    love

  5. milad says:

    halet khobe azezam?

  6. GG says:

    GOSSIP GIRL IS EFFING AMAZING?
    WHAT IS THIS BULL****?
    AND THEIR MUSIC IS NOT “HIP”,
    IT’S AWESOME AND OVERLY “HIP”.
    SCREW YOU BIG BOY.

  7. PTSSGJ says:

    ummm hi, you said that Gossip Girl would be off the air in no time…. Well season three is being aired in America right now i think (I don’t live there) plus who are you kidding?
    Gossip Girl revolves around sex, drugs, relationships, popularity, secrets, surprising plot twists friendship,alcohol and sooo many other things oh and who can forget the hot guys and gorgeous girls? Now tell me…what person can’t relate to at LEAST one of those things? The directors know how to keep people interested. Sure, maybe right now it’s not so popular….but it will be i know it will.

  8. Anonymous says:

    eu

  9. Annonymous says:

    Actually, Gossip Girl is a very popular hit so I have no idea where this person gets their facts from. Just because you’re a hater, that doesn’t mean you need to lie about stuff.

    • Yo Annonymous, I think you’re confused about who is the hater here. You are.

      The facts are clearly linked throughout the column. Has Gossip Girl been canceled? No – but there’s no way this show makes it into the echelon of shows like the original Beverly Hills 90210, which ran for ten seasons. The OC did four seasons, and my money is that GG does four or five. That really isn’t that impressive.

      “A very popular hit”? You’re wrong. Look at the ratings. This show attracts a niche audience. It’s no more popular than The Jay Leno Show, a well-publicized disaster. Gossip Girl gets tons of press because it’s set in New York, and Blake Lively has great boobs. But it isn’t one-quarter the hit that a show like “The Big Bang Theory” is. And that’s a fact.

    • I should admit that calling it “a total failure” was total hyperbole. But if GG was on ABC or FOX, it would have been canceled 2 years ago.

      • P says:

        but , why is it still on air then ?
        And 90 % off all people watch GG on the internet now ? soooo perhaps you should count that in also? sorry to say it bro , but do your reachersh one more .

        xoxo Gossip girl

      • Niki says:

        I totally agree. I liked the first season but tobe honest I think they should have cut it after that, left it as an open hanging question ending!
        It would have been more memorbale and much better than what they tunred the series into. As for the pople who keep sticking up for the show – well know that I used to do it, but only because there were merits. But if you are so SUTPID as to not realize that he show IS NOT THE SAME anymroe, because none of the original writer’s crew except for 4 people are left… Now the crew is filled up with newbees who have no loyalty to fans and NO UNDERSTANDING of the characters they are writing about. Sur, they have research, but facts are not enough to write a character’s development.
        I’ll tell you that hit shows like D.Creek, Smallville etc. they stil HAVE THEIR LOYAL crew of directors and writers and producers. And I can say that the filming quality of GG hasn’t changed but that’s because the directors are STILL THE SAME! The same crew for the past 3 years.

        All the best episodes from S1 with exceptio for episode 12, were written by 4 writers that arenow long gone, the last one left after 2×18: Jessica Queller.

        no, it is in my opinion much worse than OC… Josh made the same mistakes only making them worse this time!!! This show ill be cancelled after S4! or tops a short 5th season since they are hooking up Dan and Blair – meaning the Dair fans will stick around for a few moments now thaat the Chair fans are long gone.
        They should have made Chair the next Naley, or Joey and Pacey, Ross and Rachel – and instead we got a lame version of Dylan and Kelly, despite Ed and Leighton’s potential!

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