Carly Fiorina’s Got My Vote

It’s only February, but the 2010 elections are heating up fast…

In fact, ROTI has already chosen its favorite candidate of the upcoming election cycle. It’s Carly Fiorina, a California Republican who hopes to challenge longtime incumbent Senator Barbara Boxer in November. Fiorina may not be the most wise or deserving candidate out there, but she has one thing going for her that I personally find irresistible…a knack for enraging her opponents, entertaining onlookers, and setting fire to everything she touches.

What’s not to love?

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John Edwards: Son of a Millworker, Father of a Sex Tape

John Edwards has been on a downward spiral for some time now. While he once seemed like the dictionary definition of a rising political star — Senator from North Carolina, 2004 Democratic Vice Presidential nominee — he is now the biggest joke in the history of smooth-talking politicians.

His attempts to become president, then vice president, then president again, ended in total defeat. His good looks and charm were turned against him and his haircut expenses became a national punchline. He got busted cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. He planted a love child in the womb of a wacky New Age video vixen and tried to get one of his sycophantic aides to take the fall. He tried to negotiate for a Cabinet post and Obama laughed in his face.

Now for the ultimate dishonor: John Edwards reportedly made a sex tape!

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Vladimir Putin Masterminded the Climatology Scandal!

Hippies everywhere are in agony: the skeptics of anthropogenic global warming have loaded their rhetorical quivers with stolen emails from the East Anglia Climate Research Unit.

Many are calling the email evidence “Climate-gate,” but I think people who affix “-gate” to every scandal are part of a scandalous confederacy of dunces that I like to call Watergate-was-not-a-scandal-involving-water-you-idiots!-gate.

The now-notorious emails don’t prove that anthropogenic (human-caused) global warming is a hoax, as some have asserted; but they are extremely bad publicity for the climate-change lobby on the eve of an epic summit in Copenhagen.

With the global economy in shambles, the appetite for a tax on carbon (don’t give me this “cap and trade is a free market” nonsense) has waned in the United States; meanwhile, rising powers like China and India are loath to arrest their growing fossil fuel consumption.

But one country stands to benefit not only from maintaining the global energy status quo, but potentially from global warming itself: Russia, a major purveyor of fossil fuels that would be able to unlock vast fuel deposits in the Arctic Circle if ice melting trends continue apace.

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