One character who has become more important in the ongoing second season is Shae, the prostitute friend of Tyrion Lannister portayed by Turkish German actress Sibel Kekilli.

Kekilli is a highly respected actress in Germany, and has bagged two Lolas (the German equivalent of the Oscars) for her film work in that country.

But in a huge scandal that exploded in 2004, just as Kekilli was rising to fame, it was revealed that she previously made twelve hardcore porno movies under the name Dilara!

I may or may not have viewed one of these films strictly in the name of research, and suffice it to say, it was not tame by any stretch.

In other words, Kekilli’s convincing performance as a sex worker in Game of Thrones isn’t much of a stretch for this experienced actress. And it’s the latest triumph in a career that’s quickly turning her porn past into not much more than a footnote…

Although her parents apparently excommunicated her when they found out about her dirty doings, I think “Dilara” Kekilli’s backstory is actually kinda cool. I think every HBO show should have an actor with porn experience on it (James Deen would be perfect for Girls).

Besides, she’s not the only HBO star with a surprising past life.

For some time now, Major Beans and I have been tracking the amusing and bizarre careers that HBO actors had BEFORE they headlined shows like Game of Thrones, Extras, and Flight of the Conchords. Here are the best finds we’ve uncovered.

This is probably the revelation that made me laugh the hardest.

Did you know that Ricky Gervais, creator of the original The Office along with HBO shows like Extras and Life’s Too Short, began his entertainment career in an 80s synthpop group called Seona Dancing?

Here’s an incredible video of Gervais performing live in a vividly belted white jumpsuit, making a game attempt at smoldering in New Romantic fashion.

Seona Dancing released two singles and pretty much flopped in the UK, so the group broke up and Gervais moved on to DJing and music managing, including serving as the manager of Suede early in their career. He finally wound up at XFM London, where he teamed up with Stephen Merchant, and with his help, launched the TV career that continues to this day.

But a funny thing happened with Seona Dancing’s single, “More to Lose,” in the meantime — an incredible tale uncovered by Allmusic. In 1985, a Filipino radio station, DWRT-FM, picked up the single and started playing it, and the song became a massive hit in the Phillipines!

DWRT-FM was extremely elusive about the identity of its new smash, which it called either “Medium” by Fade or “Fade” by Medium, depending on the day. DWRT even recorded its own station identification over the track so rival stations couldn’t play the song, and all the while it became a bigger and bigger cultural force. By the time the other stations figured it out (Shazam would have been helpful, but it wasn’t invented for another 25 years), “More to Lose” was a certified uberjam in Manila.

As Allmusic’s Michael Sutton explains:

In one part of the world, Seona Dancing’s “More to Lose” became an ’80s anthem as ubiquitous as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” but with the eternal hipster cool of Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart.” Its opening piano riff — conveying the sound of falling teardrops — became the soundtrack of countless high-school dances in Manila, Philippines during the ’80s and even beyond.

So there you have it. Before he gained fame as a master purveyor of cringe-inducing comedy, Ricky Gervais wrote and sang the one of the most essential 80s hits in Phillipine history.

Here’s the studio edition of “More to Lose,” along with a simply amazing 80s Gervais publicity photo.

And Ricky Gervais isn’t the only HBO star with a mildly embarrassing musical act in his past…

Game of Thrones features actor Jerome Flynn as Bronn, the amoral, conniving “sellsword” with a manner so base, you’d never expect that the real guy is part of one of Britain’s cheesiest musical combos.

Flynn spent several years as a leading actor on the long-running drama Soldier Soldier, and in one particular episode, he and castmate Robson Green were called upon to sing “Unchained Melody.” The viewers went apeshit and demanded the track for further listening (again, it’s unfortunate that the iTunes Store was not yet invented). Robson & Jerome were launched into a new career as cheese-pop crooners.

Here’s their soul-free performance of the Righteous Brothers classic on Top of the Pops:

Robson & Jerome have scored two #1 albums in the UK, covering such tracks as “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted,” “Up On the Roof,” and “Little Latin Lupe Lu.” A questionable taste level alert has been issued for the entirety of Knifecrime Island.

So the next time Bronn does something dastardly on G of T, just imagine him singing those incredibly dorky harmonies…

Let’s conclude with my favorite item.

Flight of the Conchords fans know Bret McKenzie as the slighter, non-bespectacled member of the dynamic duo of Kiwi comic-songsmiths. Since the show’s run ended, he won an Academy Award for writing the song “Man or Muppet” from the recent film The Muppets.

But before Bret McKenzie became famous for his songwriting skills, he gained worldwide renown for being a hot elf.

Back in 2001, Bret McKenzie was a little-known actor living in New Zealand, although the Conchords were starting to gain some traction in their native land and had appeared on TV a few times.

At that time, the production of the epic Lord of the Rings trilogy was basically taking over the country and tons of Kiwis played a part in the effort. McKenzie and his father Peter were no exception, with the elder McKenzie playing the role of elf-king Elendil in a flashback sequence, and Bret portraying a member of the Rivendell elven coterie in such scenes as The Council of Elrond.

This scene is known internets-wide for spawning the “One does not simply…” meme, but was also the birth of the legend of FIGWIT. 

As the story goes, LOTR superfan Iris Hadad was sitting at home watching The Fellowship of the Ring when the sight of one gorgeous elf took her breath away. It was right at the moment when Frodo steps forward to take the ring, selflessly sacrificing himself to the cause, and Hadad exclaimed, “Frodo is great — who is THAT?!!” at the sight of Bret McKenzie in full elven getup. The expression quickly became an acronym and as appreciation of this tasty elf spread throughout the many Tolkien websites and forums, the name Figwit was born. The website FigwitLives.net was created to document all things Figwit and a worldwide army of superfans sprang up.

In all seriousness, this is 100% true.

It’s especially funny because Bret McKenzie is on screen for all of a few seconds in this scene. Blink and you’ll miss Figwit.

Nevertheless, Figwit-love grew into a legitimate phenomenon, as demonstrated by this DOCUMENTARY on the subject! The best part is when the Conchords head to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and try to drum up support for their act on the street — one random woman couldn’t care less about the Conchords but stops dead in her tracks when she realizes she’s talking to the famous Figwit. (6:21 in the clip below)

 The Figwit phenomenon became so massive that McKenzie was brought back for The Two Towers and given a speaking role for the scene in which Arwen is headed for the Grey Havens and has a vision of her future kid with Viggo, who is so adorbs that she peaces out and heads back to her man despite the protestations of Figwit:

Great work, Figwit. Elrond gives you ONE MISSION and you blow it.

Since gaining worldwide fame as Figwit the elf, McKenzie has proven his talent in the fields of songwriting and acting, and now has an Oscar statuette on his mantel. That’s why it’s time for him to return to elven form in The Hobbit!

It’s true. Bret McKenzie will appear in his largest role yet in the LOTR universe, although this time, he will be playing the character Lindir, who apparently has a rap battle with Bilbo Baggins or something like that.

You’d better watch out, Bilbo…you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

Please inform ROTI immediately if you know of any additional crazy past fame of HBO stars, as our investigation is ongoing.

New podcast is up!

In this episode, Alpine and Alison discuss Jon Hamm’s dating advice to teen girls, the wonderful tweets of Samuel L. Jackson, and our collective love for the Mayor of Newark, Cory Booker — a social media master and passionate defender of civil rights. Plus, we reveal what Hole drummer Patty Schemel will do for $30.

Simply click this link to listen instantly: Episode 5.mp3

Even better, right click and select “open in new tab” so you can keep checking out the links!

Other options:

• Right click the link above to download the mp3 file to your desktop.

• Follow the instructions on this post to add the feed to your iTunes or other podcast client for automatic downloading in the future.

• For the RSS savvy, our podcast feed is: http://fortnightontheinternets.libsyn.com/rss 

Become a Liker! Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

We’re continuing our tradition of leaking out the topics on our @FOTIpod Twitter account the night before the show is posted, so you can check out all the sites and links before you hear the discussion, if being fully-informed is your thing. Regardless, you’ll find all the info you need right here in this post.

To the links! The tweets we posted last night are below — plus bonus links.

In honor of Mother's Day, we begin our show with this musical performance from Mr. T. ow.ly/aW45Q #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Report Card

Report Card Item No. 1: Jon Hamm gives love advice to teen girls, and it's somehow non-creepy, darewesay great. ow.ly/aW3Yp #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Plus, grown men Paul Rudd and BJ Novak also field question from teen girls! Not as cool as Hamm, though…

Report Card Item No. 2: @meganamram channels the spirits of Ayn Rand and Ann Landers to create "Ayn Randers." ow.ly/aW4dQ #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Spoiler alert, this isn’t my favorite thing Amram has ever done.

THIS is:

Report Card Item No. 3: Harvard baseball team dances to "Call Me Maybe." Plus, Alison defends car jam videos. ow.ly/aW4jw #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

And as long as we’re on the subject of car jams, here’s the clip we mentioned from Nicki Bluhm and the Gramblers car-jamming on Hall and Oates. Keyboard guy behind the shotgun is definitely my favorite Grambler.

Musical Guest

This episode features music from @FortLean, a great new Brooklyn band. NYers, check 'em out in Prospect Park on Saturday at noonish!—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Fort Lean is a great new band from Brooklyn. Check out their EP and new single here, or on Spotify. Buy that shiz! A small investment in your future happiness is wise, don’t you agree?

ALSO — Brooklyn peeps, and I know you are out there, they’re playing The Great GoogaMooga on Saturday. 12:15 pm in Prospect Park, be there or be hungry/sad.

Internet Challenge Surprise

Alpine's Internet Challenge Surprise: "STOP BEGGIN, MUTHUGHPHOUKKA!" The amazing tweets of @SamuelLJackson. ow.ly/aW4qI #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Here’s more on the Sam Jackson/A.O. Scott feud.

Plus, my favorite Sam tweet thus far:

Whole lotta first born retweet needin', lyin' on ya dick Muthughpfuccahz out there tonite! STOP BEGGIN!!!—
Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) April 15, 2012

Yes, it’s real. Verified account, mouthahhfuuka!

Alison's Internet Challenge Surprise: A chance to have her hero, drummer @PattySchemel, walk her dog Billy Joel. ow.ly/aW4Bb #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Cory Booker: Mayor of the Internet

Mayor of the Internet: The social media savvy and inspired politics of Newark's @CoryBooker, going viral defending marriage equality. #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Here’s the video referenced above:

Plus, Cory Booker and Conan squash their beef:

Wayback Machine

Wayback Machine: The forerunner to all social networks, Makeout Club, now making a comeback. Hipsters only. ow.ly/aW4V4 #FOTI5—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 16, 2012

Here’s the surprising history of Makeoutclub, courtesy of Wikipedia. Do you have what it takes to be FOTI’s official infiltrator of this hipsters-only club? Obviously I don’t since I tweeted it out as two words not one! My membership application is clearly pre-denied already.

For so many more great gems that we just couldn’t fit into the show, check out our Facebook page and become a Liker!

And as always — let us know if you have any issues downloading the episode. Thanks!

Theme song by Snowplows.
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.
Special thanks to Talya Elitzer and Mick Management for musical assistance!

Inspired by our look at the “Back Talk” section of the Lowell (MA) Sun, frequent contributor Vicious Rumors returns with a sampling of amusingly banal items from the police log of his hometown, Maynard, Massachusetts. 

My investigation of the past four months of the Maynard Beacon-Villager (which also covers neighboring Stow) did not disappoint. Below are 23 of the best entries between January 1st and the most current issue of the newspaper. I’ve found that the style of writing has changed since the days when I used to follow along in print; back then, the sentences were written more fluidly, and names of those arrested were not withheld. But now the log seems to be published in the same shorthand that it was initially recorded in, which can make for some awkward and confusing sentences. I therefore cleaned up and edited where applicable. Also, specific officers are usually referred to as “S3″ or “S12″; I just changed the S to Officer to make it clearer.

Stow – Monday, Jan. 2, 1:41 p.m. Walk-in reporting that while on his deck New Year’s Eve, he observed a red and orange disc-like object which he could not identify fly over Stow towards Maynard. He was wondering if anyone reported seeing it. Officer 3 advised.

Stow – Thursday, Jan. 5, 1:57 a.m. Caller on No Name Road states there is a group of kids outside and one of them is her son. Officer 12 checked the house and surrounding area.

Maynard – Sunday, Jan. 8, 3:38 p.m. Acton Police reports they received call regarding kids doing bong hits in a motor vehicle, heading toward Maynard. Officers checking area.

Stow - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 8:43 p.m. Caller on No Name Road reports the neighbors are spying on her. Officer 10 advised son.

Maynard – Saturday. Jan. 14, 7:01 p.m. Caller on Roosevelt Street reports four orbs circling each other in the northeast sky. Car 36 responding to speak with caller. No orbs or UFOs, just high-powered lights, maybe from MCI Concord.

Stow – Friday, Jan. 20, 9:32 a.m. Caller reporting seeing a UFO last Saturday night. She is going to call the weather service to see if they received any reports. No reports of UFO sightings to police station for that night.

Maynard – Sunday, Jan. 22, 4:54 p.m. Caller on Crane Avenue reporting a bad smell coming from the manhole near the end of her driveway. Car 12 responding. No smell on the street, but a slight smell near subject’s home, likely from bathroom vent, not manhole.

Stow – Saturday, Jan. 28, 1 p.m. Stow Recreation reports someone over the past couple of nights went out in the park, drank beers, and threw traffic cones and mats on the ice rink at Stow Community Park. No damage done, but patrols will continue to check.

Stow – Monday, Jan. 30, 4:32 p.m. Walk-in reporting two old tents in the woods of the Town Forest. Officer 7 and Officer 3 walking in woods to try and locate.

Maynard - Monday, Jan. 30, 4:34 p.m. Caller on Summer Street reporting neighbor throwing dog feces in his yard. Car 11 assisting.

Stow – Tuesday, Jan. 31, 9:20 a.m. Party into station requesting information on local ski lodges. Party advised she was looking for Stowe, Vermont, not Stow, Massachusetts. She was told of the great local orchards and golf courses.

Maynard – Saturday, Feb. 11, 6:12 p.m. Subject came into the station reporting large group of young kids got into a motor vehicle and stuffed one of the kids in the trunk of the vehicle. Vehicle located at residence.

Maynard - Friday, March 9, 4:41 p.m. Caller on Main Street reports male party out front smoking who “stole” a bottle of Tide last Saturday and stated he wanted to be arrested. States the subject appears to be agitated and is yelling. Cars 32 and 30 responding.

Maynard – Tuesday, March 13, 7:15 p.m. Reporting party states his wife is not following custody agreement; this is an ongoing issue. Officers determined neither party lives in or has a connection with Maynard. Subject reports he just figured he’d stop in since Maynard Police was on his way to a meeting. Also states that he already reported to Hudson, Clinton and Stow. Advised to notify proper town.

Stow – Saturday, March 17, 12:03 p.m. Caller on Johnston Way reports receiving a call from Cragin from Jamaica at xxx-xxx-6437, reporting that he is the IRS trying to give money to her. Officer 10 spoke to caller and traced number to Jamaica. Officer 10 left message for Cragin and advised caller to contact the unlawful call center.

Stow – Monday, April 2, 10:31 a.m. Caller reporting someone cut three branches off his dogwood tree and left them on the ground. Officer 3 speaking with caller.

Maynard – Tuesday, April 3, 2:18 p.m. Baby locked in house on Maybury Road. Fire responding; opened door.

Maynard – Wednesday, April 4, 12:09 p.m. Caller on Harriman Court reports a female in a gray pick-up keeps parking and going into the house on High Street. Would like to have it checked it; looks suspicious. Subject spoken to; she is training her dog.

Stow – Friday, April 6, 10:20 a.m. Caller on West Acton Road reports an unknown black car pulled into his driveway and two people got out and banged on his door. They then left. Caller got plate of vehicle. Officer 6 contacted owner of vehicle. People in vehicle were Jehovah Witnesses. Reporting party was notified.

Stow – Saturday, April 7, 11:03 a.m. Caller reporting a deceased turkey in the back yard of his neighbors. Referred to animal control officer.

Maynard – Monday, April 9, 9:12 a.m. Resident on Concord Street Circle reports she believes someone entered her apartment yesterday and stole some toilet paper. Officer notified.

Maynard – Tuesday, April 10, 1:37 a.m. “One Love” tagged in gold with pink hearts on side of building facing abandoned railroad tracks on Acton Street. Unknown time frame; logging for future reference.

Maynard – Thursday, April 19, 4:03 p.m. Caller on Patti Lane reported an item put in her mailbox leaked on her mail (some type of prank). Party spoken too. Fart bags not dangerous.

Vicious Rumors lives in Los Angeles but will always call Maynard home.

New podcast is up!

In this episode, Alpine and Alison investigate the power of Youtube to make everyone cry and find out about the worst hotel in the world. Plus, our special guest Jeni Sue joins us to discuss California’s famous music festival turned Instagram fashion show, Coachella. With music from Sydney Wayser. Definitely our best edition yet!

Click this link to listen: Episode 4.mp3

Other options: Right click the link above to download the mp3 file, or follow the instructions on this post to add the feed to your iTunes or other podcast client for automatic downloading in the future.

For the RSS savvy, our podcast feed is: http://fortnightontheinternets.libsyn.com/rss 

Become a Liker! Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

We’re continuing our tradition of leaking out the topics on our @FOTIpod Twitter account the night before the show is posted, so you can check out all the sites and links before you hear the discussion, if being fully-informed is your thing. Regardless, you’ll find all the info you need right here in this post.

To the links! The tweets we posted last night are below — plus bonus links.

Report Card

Internet Report Card #1: Project Good Cry, a Youtube plugin and website cataloging the most weep-inducing clips ow.ly/aDoRW #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

Here’s the clip that reduced Alison to a salty puddle — “Last Minutes with ODEN.”

Internet Report Card #2: The brilliantly hyperbolic Craigslist ad for a broken-down 1995 teal Pontiac Grand Am. ow.ly/aDpPg #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

And of course, the incredible ad itself — click through to view full-size.

Jalopnik reported today that the two guys have hooked up with a friendly high-school shop teacher who will take a shot at fixing this majestic ride.

Internet Report Card #3: The tragic tale of Friendzone Johnny. ow.ly/aDq0l #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

For a wide variety of Friendzone Johnny images, check out Quickmeme.

Musical Guest

Photo by Shervin Lainez: shervinfoto.com

This episode will feature music from the extremely talented @sydneywayser! Check out her music at sydneywayser.com or on Spotify! #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

We are super psyched to have tunes from Sydney Wayser, a NYC-based singer-songwriter who makes great music with crunchy harmonies, and a pleasantly ethereal vibe.

The tracks we featured on this episode are “Wake Up,” “Dirty Work,” and “Potions,” but there are plenty of other tasty tracks on her album that you’re sure to enjoy.

Listen to — and pick up for super cheap — her great new album, Bell Choir Coast! Do this now.

_

Internet Challenge Surprise

Alpine's Internet Challenge Surprise: This astounding review of a David Lynchian hotel in Santiago, Chile. ow.ly/aDqR2 #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

This photo of Espana Hotel is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Alison's Internet Challenge Surprise:Fictional character birthdays! Alison thisclose to being b-day BFF w/Kevin Arnold. ow.ly/aDTY7—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 02, 2012

Never before have I wished that my birthday was January 5th…UNTIL NOW.

Guest Appearance: Jeni Sue

This ep features our first-ever guest appearance! We're joined by the brilliant @jenisue to recap the clusterfuck that is #Coachella. #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

Our first-ever guest segment is a massive victory. Make sure you are following Jeni Sue on Twitter and staying close to The 5×5 so you’ll be ready whenever it returns.

Mashable’s look at Music Festivals: Then and Now.

In case you somehow missed it, here’s the Tupac hologram.

The Coachella All-Dead Music Festival:

Created by aux.tv

Alison's dramatic read of this tweet made my fortnight: RT @rihanna @MTV Yikes…. @rihanna ran out of fucks to give #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

Plus, Rihanna’s amazing Instagram feed, @badgalriri.

One of the Coachella-scene fashion blogs @jenisue loves to hate: ow.ly/aDs0f #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

SURE it’s about the music.

Shout out to our Likers!

We conclude with listener submissions, like this evidence of a horrifying new social media trend: ow.ly/aDs5A #FOTI4—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) May 01, 2012

Thanks to John, loyal FOTI Liker, for sending in this photographic evidence.

For so many more great gems that we just couldn’t fit into the show, check out our Facebook page and become a Liker!

And as always — let us know if you have any issues downloading the episode. Thanks!

Theme song by Snowplows.
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.
Special thanks to Emily White and WhiteSmith Entertainment! 

Well, that went by fast. The time for another This Month in GIF is upon us!

As usual, C. Dave shone the GIF beacon into the night sky, alerting ROTI headquarters to mobilize our strike teams, and effortlessly provided an ammunition dump of animated images. Our GIF team has a lot of new sites to draw from these days, and this month we’re especially thankful for the genius of What Should We Call Me (hat tip to Alison of FOTI fame for that discovery) and its many imitators (I particularly like this one from Philips Exeter Academy, thanks Nils Coq au Vin).

Wondering what makes a GIF cut the mustard for TMI status? Seamless (or at least decent) looping, solid image quality, sheer hilarity and/or a “wow” factor are all potentially critical aspects of a top GIF. But when the time comes to make the final cut, I consult my beloved GIF consultant Lady McGregor — and using highly sensitive scientific equipment, tally up her responses to each nominee on a ten-point whoa-to-meh scale.

And that’s how a GIF from Save the Last Dance ended up at the top of this page. (“It’s really not a big deal.” “Oh I think it is.”)

Who’s excited for GIF time?

Jules Winnfield sucks at Guess Who.

What’s Got Into That Hat?

Huh, Obama always struck me as a longboard guy.

The Masters of Awkwardness

I never thought I’d say this, but there’s one Spielberg movie that needs more kids in it.

Better Luck Next Time: A Haiku of Failure

Skeletor at Work: A Flip Flop Fly Ballin’ / Getty Images collab.

Angels fans watching 2012 Pujols trying to hit a Rivera cutter.

I Admire Her Ho-nesty

Magic is Real…Here’s Proof

Get it, Rudy!!!

Michelle Tanner’s “Bitch What?” GIF of the Month

Disgusted Disick

Fight or flight time…I’d choose flight.

WHOA, Fat Betty!

Something something, Kate Upton’s boobs.

The (Lowell, MA) Sun is a venerable daily broadsheet serving the city of Lowell, northwest of Boston; its presses started running in 1878. Jack Kerouac once wrote for the paper as a sportswriter. But today, the most entertaining commentary published in its pages is in a regular feature called “Back Talk.”

Back Talk is created from messages recorded on an anonymous call-in line or submitted anonymously through the Internet. Anecdotally, the contributors are generally cranky senior citizens from Lowell and nearby towns who have had it UP TO HERE with the shenanigans they see going on around the city.

ROTI has been monitoring “Back Talk” for some time now, collecting the entries that best encapsulate the amusing material found therein. Enjoy this treasury of complaints about welfare recipients, the Red Sox, President Obama, local elected officials, inconsiderate neighbors, and other topics that enrage elderly citizens of Lowell.

NOT A DUMPSTER: I have a mattress and a TV in front of my house on Canada Street. Someone else decided to put out a bunch of shelves, too. How dare you. I’ll get your plate next time.

FOWL MOOD: Why do these large chain markets that do rotisserie chickens make them look sick? They’re always grayish.

RETIRING PITCHER: Tim Wakefield was so popular with the Sox, they named a city after him: Timbuktu.

PRIVACY POINT: Remind people to cover their bathroom windows because there are several families on Gilmore Street witnessing your use of your bathroom. We’d like it to stop.

SEEING IT ALL: The presidential candidates want to show they look like the rest of us. They showed us the blue jeans, now show us the tattoo and flip-flops.

NOT CUTTING IT: I was just wondering — could the Gillette Co. send a bunch of razor blades down to the Red Sox in Fort Myers?

Ugh, shave that DISGRACE on your face!

LOW-BALLING VARITEK: The Red Sox can do a little more with Jason Varitek; couldn’t they have offered him something else? It’s insulting, especially to be a person like him.

PALIN BY COMPARISION: Last time gas prices got this high, Sarah Palin said we should drill. Yet, this past week, Obama says we should check the air pressure in our tires. Something tells me Palin is looking smarter on this one.

CONFUSION IN CHIEF: Every day there is more bad news with this president. He’s either enforcing contraception, apologizing, not allowing the pipeline to go through, allowing abortions. I wake up and wonder what he will do today. Let’s elect Romney and get this over with.

WELFARE ISN’T FAIR: I am so tired of paying high taxes on everything. People on welfare are the ones that make out good, they don’t have to worry about anything.

CRIME WITHOUT TIME: Why is there always a double standard for women? If I was a woman, I’d steal all sorts of things. You’ll never go to prison.

SHARP DEPARTURE: What happened to the youth today? Back in the day if there was an argument, you’d settle it using your fists. Now every­one uses a knife!

TV DRAMA: Why is Comcast taking off SoapNet and replacing it with another Disney channel? Can’t you leave us something to watch at night?

GUTTER POLITICS: It’s a sad day in Chelmsford politics when people who put out a sign to support their candi­date get their house toilet­papered. It has now stooped to a new low.

EMPTY WHITE HOUSE: I am very sad to say that I no longer have a president. I cannot believe where he sticks his nose.

Image by The Looking Spoon

TRIAL AND ERROR: I hope we find out who the female juror was on the Mattapan trial; what a moron.

SPRING CLEANUP: I hope the people of Groton come together to pick up the dis­gusting trash on Route 119. It’s starting to get out of con­trol. — Dunstable

BROAD BRUSH: What is the media’s goal with this Zimmerman case — to prove he is a racist? Big deal. It doesn’t mean every other white person is.

CRUISER OR A CAB?: It’s 7 a.m. on a Sunday. A police cruiser pulls up in front of housing on Market Street and picks up a woman, her child and a baby carriage. Since when are we a taxicab? Does the city have to pay for that, too?

INAPPROPRIATE: The Hunger Games is completely inappropriate for young children. The idea of children hunting and killing other children for entertainment is frightening.

YOUNG SLACKERS: Someone should tell these young boys to pull their pants up and be polite, hold the door for other folks behind you.

WRONG APPROACH: Shame on the Buddhists; it was wrong the way they’ve been approaching this whole ordeal.

HUNGER PANGS: I saw The Hunger Games over the weekend. I have never seen such a horrible, terrible movie in my life.

WALKING TARGET: Any parent who lets their kids go out with a hoodie is asking for an “X” to be placed on their kid.

Marked for death, AM I RIGHT?!

SLIME DECISION: Is Market Basket going to stop using the pink slime in their hamburg? Many people would like an answer.

TV NONSENSE: Are you paying attention to all of these TV commercials? None of them make sense. What is the logic?

IMAGE CONSCIOUS: The wrong image of the mayor was shown on March 27. No elected official should be seen in the paper smoking a cigar in front of shelves stocked with alcohol.

FRAUD SQUAD: EBT cards are out of control. I see people with them and they drive BMWs and Mercedes! They need to get stricter!

SHIFTING GROUND: The governor really needs to think and do this stand your ground law. People can come into your house with guns to kill and rape you, but yet you can’t defend yourself?

HAD ENOUGH: I get kids on the doorstep all the time for their “causes.” These teachers are so greedy they should be ashamed!

Special thanks goes out to the Sun staffers who have to weed through the Back Talk submissions on a daily basis. I can’t even imagine what DOESN’T make the cut — and I have it from a good source that Lowell teens love to call this hotline and leave prank call messages. The Sun paper’s hard work and dedication rewards us daily with the delight that is Back Talk.

For more, much more, check out the Back Talk home page.

New podcast is up! In this episode, Alpine and Alison discuss the viral sensation Texts from Hillary; explain the Facebook $1B buy of Instagram in about ten minutes; and ask the eternal question, “Who Said It? James Joyce or Kool Keith?”

Click this link to listen: Episode 3.mp3

Other options: Right click the link above to download the mp3 file, or follow the instructions on this post to add the feed to your iTunes or other podcast client for automatic downloading in the future.

For the RSS savvy, our podcast feed is: http://fortnightontheinternets.libsyn.com/rss 

Become a Liker! Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

A new thing we’re trying out is to leak out the discussion topics the night before the podcast drops on our Twitter feed, for those folks that like to have all the sites in mind before they hear the discussion!

To the links! The tweets we posted last night are below — plus bonus links.

First, in honor of our recent fealty sacrifice to Washington DC, enjoy this picture Alison snapped while using TurboTax http://t.co/XC01pXol—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 17, 2012

Thanks to @Turbotax for making this a favorite tweet!

Report Card

Internet Report Card #1. TEXTS FROM HILLARY. A meme that began with a wire photo LOLs the USA's top diplomat. ow.ly/alIv4 #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Here are the original photos from from Reuters and Time…

And as a gift from the Internet gods to prove how vital our podcast is, one of the Texts from Hillary guys just got hired by Buzzfeed (whose hiring spree was discussed at length in our last episode). WE CAN HAZ PRESCIENCE.

Internet Report Card #2: A NYer runs a 10K back home in SC and ends up becoming Ridiculously Photogenic Guy. ow.ly/alIG4 #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Plus, Zeddie Little’s awkward interview with Robin Roberts on GMA.

Internet Report Card #3: This spammy FB app amused Alpine while Alison crashed her browser trying to install it. ow.ly/i/zvc5 #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Here’s an example of this absurd app:

Our Musical Guest

This episode features music from Ben Cameron and his Nashville band: ow.ly/alKC7 Check him out on Twitter @bthekidc—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Buy Ben’s self-titled album from iTunes. Do this now.

(And as always, you can buy our theme song by Snowplows plus a bonus track for two bits.)

photo by Adrien Broom

-
Internet Challenge Surprise

Alison's Internet Challenge Surprise: The amazing spec movie posters created by Pascal Witaszek. ow.ly/alLec #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Be sure to check out Pascal Witaszek’s website for more great posters of ingenious, fictional movies!

Alpine's Internet Challenge Surprise: Who said it, James Joyce or Kool Keith? An ingenious quiz by @hudsonhongo. ow.ly/alLts #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

Click to play. For more genius items, check out Hudson Hongo’s blog.

The Billion Dollar App

We're excited to announce something very big: Instagram + Facebook bit.ly/Hslpv2—
Instagram (@instagram) April 09, 2012

In case you hadn’t heard, Facebook bought Instagram for $1B USD, sending shock waves through the Internet. We did our best to hit all aspects of this deal comprehensible to the layman in a concise fashion. Hopefully it’ll help you understand how an app nobody knew about two years ago is worth a billion bucks!

Some good resources to help you understand this deal: A good article on Instagram from the NY Times. An informative discussion thread on Quora. And for fun, the Game of Thrones Instagram tumblr.

Wayback Machine

Wayback Machine: Alison revisits an old favorite still going strong, Craigslist TV. ow.ly/alPE9 #FOTI3—
Alpine & Alison (@FOTIpod) April 18, 2012

For so many more great gems that we just couldn’t fit into the show, check out our Facebook page and become a Liker!

And as always — let us know if you have any issues downloading the episode. Thanks!

Boston-area liquor chain Sav-Mor Spirits (also known as Sav-Mor Liquors) has four locations in Somerville, Cambridge and Medford.

According to their Facebook page,

Sav-Mor Spirits, a responsible provider of alcoholic beverages, has been family owned and operated for more than 40 years. We offer over 600 types of craft beer, wines from nearly every country, and a tremendous selection of spirits, all at the best prices. If there is one thing that distinguishes Sav-Mor, it’s our commitment to customer service, providing an atmosphere that makes it easy to purchase — and to return time and time again. We’re rightfully proud of the long-term relationships we’ve formed with customers and the communities we serve.

Fair enough, but if there’s another thing that distinguishes Sav-Mor, it’s their amazing sign postings. The giant sign that stands beside McGrath Highway is especially known for its funny messages, but other stores have been known to strike comedically from time to time.

I shop at their stores all the time — in addition to good prices and selection, they do cool things like posting stickers that describe each type of beer and its qualities — and I’ve been thinking for a while that the Sav-Mor Signs needed to be chronicled…

Thanks to the company’s social media presence, that dream is a reality! A number of classic signs have been immortalized on Zuckerberg’s servers.

Therefore I’m pleased to present to you this slide show: The Signs of Sav-Mor.

Fortnight on the Internets returns with our second episode!

In this episode, Alpine and Alison discuss the sadness behind March Madness, the magic of Peter Pan’s Home Page, the growing ambitions of Buzzfeed.com, and a video of a young Nine Inch Nails performing on Dance Party USA.

Ways to listen to this podcast:

• “Like” our Facebook page — podcasts will be posted there and are listenable with a single click. Also, follow us on Twitter, where all links (to podcasts and other great stuff) will be crossposted.

• Left-click here to stream through your browser.

• Right-click here and select “Save link as…” to download an MP3 file for later listening on your computer, music player or smartphone.

• To subscribe to the podcast, simply add this feed to your podcast client software:
  http://fortnightontheinternets.libsyn.com/rss

If you use iTunes to organize podcasts, you can add the RSS feed above by clicking Advanced->Subscribe to Podcast… and copy-pasting/typing it into the box that appears (we are not yet listed in the iTunes directory). Click here for a visual of where to find that menu option.

Special thanks to Turquoise Jeep Records for giving us permission to use their amazing music on this podcast. Keep the Jeep Ridin’ and follow them on Twitter! Their brilliant work includes “Why I Gotta Wait,” “Sex Syrup,” and “Lemme Smang It,” which was discussed in detail in an earlier ROTI post.

Flynt Flossy, known across the nation. Smash and bang is his favorite combination.

As always, thanks to Snowplows for the kickass theme. Buy that rad track plus a dope B-side for pocket change!

Links for this episode:

Report Card

A small child channels the anguish of March Madness when he weeps about the impending graduation of his favorite player.

Georgetown introduces its new puppy mascot — and reminds Alison of the cruel march of time.

What’s your Mad Men dating style? Not weird enough of a question for you? Well then, how about your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dating style?

The Composites — literary characters brought to life with creepy police sketch software…

Screenshots of Despair, a website that meditates upon the loneliness and alienation of social media.

Nine Inch Nails performs on Dance Party USA, circa 1991.

Internet Challenge Surprise!

Alpine: Girls are Pretty

Alison: What Should We Call Me

Buzzfeed.com Makes Its Move

Here’s an article about the ambitions of Buzzfeed to take on HuffPo/Newsbeast/Gawker that details some of the site’s big-name hires. Has Buzzfeed hired anyone new today?

But if you prefer the site’s more traditional content, here’s 25 celebrities that look like mattresses.

Time Machine

Pixyland.org, also known as Peter Pan’s Home Page. The webzone of one Randy Constan, which has to be seen to be believed. Mock if you will, but the man fearlessly used the Internet to transcend society’s jibes, find his Tinkerbell and have a fairy tale wedding…

Also, I tracked down an archive of Vicious Rumors’ old Geocities site featuring the character Mitch Hardy.

If you have any problems getting a working feed or stream of the podcast, hit us up — by email via the “Contact Us” link at the top of this page, or with a Facebook or Twitter comment.

Thanks for listening!

We’ve been focused on crafting audio delights lately, but fear not — we will never neglect our mission to find and curate the best GIFs to ensure your happiness!

Carrying us this month is our GIFLord, C. Dave, and we also received a timely GIFtip from our pal DBuu.

As usual, we drew from the many GIF aggregators out there, plus message boards from some of our favorite sites, such as Get Off My Internets and Casual Hoya.

Three…two…one…Animate!

(If anything hangs, click through to view)

Forum Gems

Alison isn’t the only one who suspects Jason Russell is hiding something.

Coffee is good…

Shaq’s Trip

Flip, Flip, Flipadelphia

Dinklage dominating

Who Wants Breakfast??

I surrender!

Valerie, you bitch!!

Psssssh…!

White Butler loves Bonny Bear.

Cuthbert Digs In

Squeeeeeeee!!!!

Whoops

Comic Timing =

Soft-Serve Santorum.

Opportunistic Doghump

Jousting GIFs never end well for the participants

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!