April 23, 2012 Leave a comment
The (Lowell, MA) Sun is a venerable daily broadsheet serving the city of Lowell, northwest of Boston; its presses started running in 1878. Jack Kerouac once wrote for the paper as a sportswriter. But today, the most entertaining commentary published in its pages is in a regular feature called “Back Talk.”
Back Talk is created from messages recorded on an anonymous call-in line or submitted anonymously through the Internet. Anecdotally, the contributors are generally cranky senior citizens from Lowell and nearby towns who have had it UP TO HERE with the shenanigans they see going on around the city.
ROTI has been monitoring “Back Talk” for some time now, collecting the entries that best encapsulate the amusing material found therein. Enjoy this treasury of complaints about welfare recipients, the Red Sox, President Obama, local elected officials, inconsiderate neighbors, and other topics that enrage elderly citizens of Lowell.
NOT A DUMPSTER: I have a mattress and a TV in front of my house on Canada Street. Someone else decided to put out a bunch of shelves, too. How dare you. I’ll get your plate next time.
FOWL MOOD: Why do these large chain markets that do rotisserie chickens make them look sick? They’re always grayish.
RETIRING PITCHER: Tim Wakefield was so popular with the Sox, they named a city after him: Timbuktu.
PRIVACY POINT: Remind people to cover their bathroom windows because there are several families on Gilmore Street witnessing your use of your bathroom. We’d like it to stop.
SEEING IT ALL: The presidential candidates want to show they look like the rest of us. They showed us the blue jeans, now show us the tattoo and flip-flops.
NOT CUTTING IT: I was just wondering — could the Gillette Co. send a bunch of razor blades down to the Red Sox in Fort Myers?
LOW-BALLING VARITEK: The Red Sox can do a little more with Jason Varitek; couldn’t they have offered him something else? It’s insulting, especially to be a person like him.
PALIN BY COMPARISION: Last time gas prices got this high, Sarah Palin said we should drill. Yet, this past week, Obama says we should check the air pressure in our tires. Something tells me Palin is looking smarter on this one.
CONFUSION IN CHIEF: Every day there is more bad news with this president. He’s either enforcing contraception, apologizing, not allowing the pipeline to go through, allowing abortions. I wake up and wonder what he will do today. Let’s elect Romney and get this over with.
WELFARE ISN’T FAIR: I am so tired of paying high taxes on everything. People on welfare are the ones that make out good, they don’t have to worry about anything.
CRIME WITHOUT TIME: Why is there always a double standard for women? If I was a woman, I’d steal all sorts of things. You’ll never go to prison.
SHARP DEPARTURE: What happened to the youth today? Back in the day if there was an argument, you’d settle it using your fists. Now everyone uses a knife!
TV DRAMA: Why is Comcast taking off SoapNet and replacing it with another Disney channel? Can’t you leave us something to watch at night?
GUTTER POLITICS: It’s a sad day in Chelmsford politics when people who put out a sign to support their candidate get their house toiletpapered. It has now stooped to a new low.