Robert Zemeckis’ Reign of Terror Is Finally At An End


Robert Zemeckis used to be one of the finest movie directors in the world.

For his work directing Back To The Future and its sequels, as well as Who Framed Roger Rabbit? the 10-year old me considered him the greatest helmsman in the history of Hollywood.

The Academy shared my high esteem after Zemeckis masterminded the epic Forrest Gump, marshalling totems from four decades of Americana into one gigantic Hanksathon that thrilled viewers and critics alike. He was named the Best Director of 1994.

Unfortunately, Zemeckis’ career soon began to turn for the worse.

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Granite, Marble, Onyx…Foreclosure

mansion

Gaze upon the stately manse of Teresa Giudice, Real Housewife of New Jersey.

Bravo’s Real Housewives “franchise” is a truly wacky collection of ladies from around the nation, and it seemed impossible back in May that the Jersey girls could outdo legends like crazy NeNe from Atlanta, trampy Gretchen from Orange County, and haughty Countess de Lesseps from NYC in terms of sheer personality and outrageousness.

Yet Teresa and her partners in crime proceeded to deliver one of the most bizarre, compelling, and hilarious reality TV runs in recent memory.

Danielle was a former coke whore and snitch who had phone sex with someone called “Gucci Model!” Caroline’s son Christopher wanted to open up a chain of strip club car washes! Dina’s husband was mysteriously absent and potentially mobbed up! There was also a boring one, but 4/5 is a pretty good track record.

Teresa was arguably the best character on the whole show, with a tiny forehead, three little daughters that she relentlessly stage-mothered, a ridiculous guido husband from the “construction” industry, a fat bankroll of cash, and newly implanted fake “bubbies.”

My favorite, though, was the absurdly large house she built for herself, which she proudly declared was composed of only “granite, marble and onyx.” This nouveau riche masterpiece would have made Louis XIV feel ashamed.

Now, in a startling turn of events, the bank is foreclosing on Teresa Giudice’s mob mansion.

Let’s take a look back at the house – and the woman – that grabbed our attention last spring and made our lives more magical, forever.

guidices

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Hot New Music Trend: Standards?!

Heading into Year Two of the Economic Apocalypse, some curious cultural trends are developing. Here’s one that really surprised me.

Funnily enough, songs first made popular during the Great Depression are burning up the charts at the dawn of the twenty-tweens.

That’s right kids. Remember when “electronica” was the hot new musical trend? When rap-rock ruled the airwaves? Or when emo was the big new thing?

Throw all that out the window, because there’s a new genre that is absolutely dominating record sales.

Standards!

Yes, the classic pop chestnuts of the Great American Songbook may be eligible for AARP, but they have once again become as popular as they were in the days when Jacob Gershowitz and Israel Baline tore up the charts while masquerading under their hep alter egos, “Geo Gershwin” and “Irv Berlin.”

Strike up the band with that fascinating rhythm! Shoo bop shoo bop, skiddily bee bop bow!!!

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