The Amanda Knox Lifetime Movie Was Terrible!

February 22, 2011 2 Comments

I haven’t been this disappointed since I watched the last episode of Lost.

The Lifetime network’s dramatization of the Amanda Knox trial had everything going for it…ripped from the headlines excitement, star power in the form of Hayden P and Marcia Gay, and Lifetime’s track record when it comes to making hilariously bad TV movies.

In case you’re not aware of the real story: Amanda Knox, an student from Seattle studying abroad in Italy, was accused and eventually convicted of the murder of her British roommate, which she allegedly committed in concert with her Italian boyfriend Raffaelle Sollecito and a drifter/drug peddler, Rudy Guede. There were international incidents galore, tons of gory details, and in the end, the young American college student was jailed for life 26 years.

After the triumph that was “The Craigslist Killer,” which took a gruesome and sad event and made it into a piece of cheesy television, the Knox movie looked like it could be the best Lifetime movie yet. It was actually really bad — boring and depressing.

While I was watching the morose and convoluted narrative, I came up with a few ways this movie could have been better. Lifetime, before you make another true-crime movie, call me. I’ll get you back on track next time.

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Incredibly, this douche is still around

November 17, 2008 Leave a Comment

Remember Brandon Davis?

The fat, greasy dude who gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “oil heir”? The gingerist who called Lohan “fire crotch”? The one-man ad campaign for the inheritance tax?


Davis (at right) and Scott Storch at Esquire magazine’s “Biggest Douches of 2008″ awards.

PAGE SIX is running a schadenfreude-inducing item on B. Dave this morning. Apparently he’s gone from Paris Hilton sidekick to useless mooch and white collar criminal…

BRANDON (“Greasy Bear”) Davis‘ well-documented cash-flow problems just got worse.

The sweaty-palmed oil heir was recently banned from a high-end underground casino in West Hollywood for abusing credit privileges and showing up “zonked out of his mind,” a source close to Davis tells Page Six.

“He would consistently show up behaving erratically and make lengthy trips to the bathroom,” says the source, an investment banker who’s a regular patron of the gambling den where the minimum buy-in is $5,000. “Finally, management told him he was no longer welcome.”

It’s just the latest in a string of credit problems for Davis, who friends say has turned into a “professional, high-end couch surfer” after reportedly being cut off by his parents.

Back in September, Page Six reported that Davis rang up $110,000 in charges on a credit card he stole from Carnegie Mellon heir Matthew Mellon, $75,000 on cards he swiped from art dealer Andy Valmorbida, and an additional $100,000 on the bookie account of a student friend.

Davis is fond of telling people he makes money by dealing art. But HollywoodInterrupted.com’s Mark Ebner reports in his upcoming tome, “Six Degrees of Paris Hilton,” that his “dealing” mainly entails buying paintings from LA galleries and then reselling them to his family at a huge mark-up.

The book also claims that Davis sells stories about his friends to the tabloids and still owes a former Vegas bookie $400,000.

Writes Ebner: “Given the financial sector’s recent precipitous fall from grace, is there any better symbol of our era than a reckless sybarite who’s addicted to borrowed money?” Davis no longer has reps and could not be reached.

He no longer has reps?!?! In Hollywoodland, that’s tantamount to having your utilities disconnected!

Attention unnamed Vegas bookie: B. Davis appears to be becoming more and more insolvent by the day, so we wouldn’t recommend patiently waiting for payment.

You COULD shake him down for money, but you’re probably just going to find some pocket change and a few coupons for Round Table Pizza.

Here’s a better idea: off this guy and sell his blubber to the Japanese!

Thanks to the pesky meddling of Hayden P. and the Whale Warriors, premium fat is selling for pretty high prices in Asian markets these days.

This land whale is worth more dead than alive.

Filed under Schadenfreude, Star Report Tagged with , , , , ,

Laura v. Cheney: WHALE WARS

November 5, 2008 1 Comment

We know most Americans would like to think of the Bush Administration as a bad dream. But they’re still in power!

And as Bush eats coconut cake, a battle is brewing.

Apparently, W’s plan to protect vast swaths of ocean from human trampling is running into stiff opposition from a junta led by who else, Dick Cheney. However, unlike in the past, Cheney is having trouble bending GWB to his will…

Laura Bush say, not so fast!

laura

The WASHINGTON POST reports:

President Bush’s vision for protecting two vast areas of the Pacific Ocean from fishing and mineral exploitation, a move that would constitute a major expansion of his environmental legacy, is running into dogged resistance both inside and outside the White House and has placed his wife and his vice president on opposite sides of the issue.

With less than three months before Bush’s term ends, his top deputies are scrambling to try to execute a plan that would shield some of the world’s most diverse underwater ecosystems. The original plan, which included four potential “marine monuments” and was well received by environmentalists, has already been scaled back.

Vice President Cheney and some officials in the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands have argued that the plan could hurt the region’s economy by barring fishing and energy exploration. First lady Laura Bush, along with a number of scientists and environmental advocates, has countered that preserving the region’s natural attributes would attract tourism and burnish the president’s record for history.

Laura Bush has asked for two briefings on the issue from White House staff members, and her aides have conferred with scientists who support the two designations.

[...]

Both regions are treasure troves of biodiversity: Kingman Reef and other islands in the central Pacific area teem with sharks and other top predators; the Mariana Trench and its nearby islands are home to several species of rare beaked whales and the Micronesian megapode — an endangered bird that uses the heat from volcanic vents to incubate its eggs — as well as to mud volcanoes, pools of boiling sulfur and the greatest microbial diversity on Earth.

Fight the power, Laura. Mrs. Galt would be proud.

Don’t just do it because it’s the right thing, do it because Hayden Pannettiere and her dolphin loving friends will blubber if you don’t.

And that blubbering will raise the tides, bringing on ECO-APOCALYPSE…

Filed under Power & Politics, Serious Business, Star Report Tagged with , ,

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