Recently, news outlets including The Nation reported that eminent African-American scholar Michael Eric Dyson has been teaching a seminar on Jay-Z’s “art and craft” at Georgetown University.

Unsurprisingly, the class is a huge hit, with over 140 students enrolled.

While this number is cited by Dyson as evidence of the seminar’s success, it raises the question of how effective this class really is for the students taking it, as opposed to an occasion for Dyson to hear himself talk while TAs handle all the actual discussion groups…

Wouldn’t it be a more successful undertaking for everyone involved if the class size was pared down to the point that each student could expect to interact with the brilliant Dyson, and to work out their ideas in freewheeling discussions? That’s kind of tough to pull off with a group that’s four times larger than the average Georgetown class.

Dyson’s fellow Georgetown scholar, Kelley Wickham-Crowley, faced a similar quandary when she taught a class on “The Lord of the Rings” several years ago. (It was actually a sneaky way to get people to sign up for a medieval literature course with a side dish of Tolkien, but that was forgivable because it was a really GOOD medieval literature course.) Needless to say, students perusing the course catalog jumped when they saw a course based on such a compelling pop-cultural topic and the signups were off the charts. But to avoid holding the class in a cavernous lecture hall, Wickham-Crowley greeted the class on Day One with a test to ensure they had read and remembered “The Lord of the Rings.” Everyone who failed the test was kicked out. Brilliant!

Since Michael Eric Dyson is a busy guy, ROTI created this test to help him out. It’s a simple 15-question examination; get fewer than 10 questions right and you’re outta there! Administering this bad boy would separate the true Jay-Z scholars-in-training from the dumb-asses who just wanted to get 3 credits for a class about a rapper.

Let’s begin! Answers are at the bottom of this post.

1. According to the song “December 4th,” Jay-Z was concieved when his parents, Gloria Carter and Adnes Reeves, made sweet love under what kind of tree?
a) Weeping Willow
b) Oak
c) Sycamore
d) Dollar Tree

2. Jay-Z is fond of relating his experiences selling drugs in his youth. What drug did he primarily sell?
a) Marijuana
b) Ludes
c) Country Time Lemonade spiked with roofies
d) Crack cocaine

3. One of Shawn Carter’s early mentors in the rap game was also the inspiration for his rap name. This rapper was:
a) Jaydee
b) Jaz-O
c) Jay-A
d) Jonathan Safran Foer

4. Jay-Z’s first album is considered a classic of the “mafioso rap” genre. The name of this album is:
a) Reasonable Doubt
b) Treasonable Trout
c) Squeezably Stout
d) LeGarrette Blount

5. What does the lyric “Fo shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA”  mean?
a) In all seriousness, homie, I used to sell drugs in Virginia.
b) It is a true fact that my nephew played basketball for the University of Virginia.
c) Believe it or not, I invented an IV drip known as a “nizzle” that was utilized in many Veterans Administration hospitals.
d) Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

6. What terrible rapper got a huge career break when he was featured on Jay-Z’s “Can I Get A…”? Some of us are still having trouble forgiving Jay for helping make this person popular.
a) Will Smith
b) Chet Haze
c) Sean “Puffy” Combs
d) Ja Rule

7. Jay-Z was indicted by a grand jury in 2000 for a violent crime against record executive Lance “Un” Rivera, an incident he addressed at length in his book Decoded. What was the crime and why did Jay perpetrate it?
a) He shot Un with a sniper rifle from a helicopter hovering overhead, later explaining that “Man is the most dangerous game.”
b) He stabbed Un with a knife in a crowded nightclub for bootlegging his records.
c) He kicked Un in the nuts with extreme prejudice because Un refused to pay up on a bet.
d) He strangled Un half to death because Un made fun of Foxy Brown’s hearing loss.

8. Unlike many MCs, Jay-Z steadfastly refuses to compose his rhymes with pen and paper. What technique does Jay-Z use to create his verses?
a) He has himself mesmerized by Hypnotist to the Stars Kevin Stone and creates the rhymes from his subconscious.
b) He sparks a blunt in the studio and lets the genius flow naturally.
c) He creates verses in his mind and memorizes them without writing them down.
d) All of his lyrics are actually ghostwritten by Asher Roth.

9. Jay-Z was famously involved in a feud with Nas, which led to the song “Ether,” a takedown of Jay-Z sometimes considered the greatest dis track ever recorded. Which of the following insults did Nas NOT lob at Jay?
a) “You a fan, a phony, a fake, a pussy, a Stan; I’ll still whip your ass, you’re 36 in a karate class?! You Tae-Bo ho!”
b) “You went from gangsta, to Islam, to the dick of Das EFX!”
c) “Eminem murdered you on your own shit!”
d) “How much of Biggie’s rhymes goin’ to come out your fat lips?”

10. The Jay-Z/Nas beef was finally squashed for what reason?
a) Jay-Z relented after Nas had his feelings hurt real bad when Jay revealed to the world that he had sex with Nas’ baby mama, stating in a song that “I skeeted in your Jeep…left condoms on your baby seat.”
b) Jay-Z had Nas killed, and the person who now claims to be Nas is actually a clone created in a lab by Jay-Z.
c) Jay-Z’s mom heard one of Jay-Z’s Nas-disses on the radio and was so ashamed of her son that she called him up, gave him a stinging lecture, and forced him to apologize to Nas.
d) Beyonce begged Jay-Z to stop fighting, lest Nas’ alleged claim that she has bad breath make its way into rhyme.

11. According to the new album Watch the Throne, what is Jay-Z’s complaint about the MOMA?
a) $20 for admission is outrageous.
b) Insufficient representation of black women.
c) Les Demoiselles d’Avignon are ugly.
d) His video for “99 Problems” has been neglected by the Department of Film.

12. Jay-Z is now well-known as a mogul, with a variety of high-profile investments. Which of the following does Jay-Z NOT own a stake in?
a) The upscale sports bar 40-40 Club
b) Rocawear clothing line
c) The New Jersey Nets
d) Qream, the liqueur for women

13. Jay-Z has drawn some ire from rap purists by repeatedly calling himself “best rapper alive,” when they feel he is merely the most successful, and name others the best. What did Jay have to say to these curmudgeons on the Kanye West posse cut “So Appalled”?
a) “But when I say I’m the best, I don’t say it out my ass. I say that with all my stats.”
b) “We can talk, but money talks, so talk more bucks.”
c) “Niggas fantasize about the shit that I do daily. Like these rappers rap about the shit I do really.”
d) “Moral victories is for minor league coaches.”

14. What producer merged Jay-Z’s Black Album and the Beatles’ White Album to create the Grey Album — both a great record and a flashpoint for copyright issues in the Internet age?
a) Dr. Luke
b) Danger Mouse
c) Phil Spector
d) Kanye West

15. It has been asserted that Jay-Z is either in a Satanic cult, or at the very least has actively propagated Masonic/cult symbology through his actions, videos, and clothing lines. Is there anything to this rumor? TRUE or FALSE.

Answer Key (10 correct answers or more represents a passing grade)

1. C – Doubtful this is literally true, just an occasion to flip sycamore into “more sicker.”
2. D – “Somehow the rap game remind me of the crack game.”
3. B – This Jaz-O video is so embarrassing, it took Jay-Z years to live his participation down.
4. A – Reasonable Doubt is a classic. Worth a listen!
5. A – Or as BIG put it, “They heard about the pounds you got down in Georgetown, and they heard you got half of Virginia locked down.”
6. D – Ja Rule was bad enough to begin with, then he decided to sing his own hooks…
7. B – I accuse Jay-Z with the Knife in the Nightclub.
8. C – Writing verses in your head takes serious skill. I can’t even write a blog post in my head.
9. B – That line is from “The Bitch In You,” a classic Ice Cube dis by Common.
10. C – Apparently, Jay-Z’s mom is a tough old lady!
11. B – “Put some colored girls in the MOMA.” (“That’s My Bitch”)
12. D – More on Qream, Pharrell’s nasty beverage, here.
13. D – “I went from the favorite, to the most hated, but would you rather be underpaid or overrated? Moral victories is for minor league coaches. And Ye already told you, we major, you cockroaches!”
14. B – More to come on the genius of Danger Mouse in the next month or so…
15. True.

In the 80s and 90s, possibly even earlier, there was an annual event at Georgetown University called the Block Party. Students paid a nominal sum, passed through a cursory ID check into a barricaded-off block of 37th Street, and proceeded to drink all the beer they could handle and more.

As GU blog Vox Populi recounts, Block Party was a “one-day outdoor carnival of drinking that masqueraded as a charity barbecue. Much to the chagrin of Georgetown administrators, students would drink openly and sloppily right outside the front gates.” Afterwards, students retired to New South Cafeteria to stuff their faces. And every year, a massive food fight broke out. It was awesome.

But at the 1991 block party, after the feasting had begun but before the food fight started, Georgetown’s seven-foot star center Dikembe Mutombo unwound his prodigiously long limbs, raised his frame to tower over the rest of the student body, and bellowed in a beer-sauced,  Zairean voice, “Who wants to sex Dikembe?” As the rest of the University looked on in pure awe, two comely volunteers quickly identified themselves, and Dikembe Mutombo left New South with a woman on each arm.

This is how the tale was passed down to me in 1998. But is this really what happened? 

As Mutombo went on to an extremely successful career in the NBA after his time at Georgetown, legendary for his blocked shots, great personality, finger-wagging attitude and prodigious exploits in the Gold Club, more and more heard this tale and passed it along.

Time and retelling have shaped this tale in strange ways, but the basics are always the same — Dikembe Mutombo, towering over the crowd, demands to know who will sex him. Today, however, the prevailing version of this story has been meaningfully altered from the version I first heard over a decade ago.

I was reminded of the Dikembe Mutombo sex request legend by a recent tweet from the hilarious FakeGrantland account, which parodies Bill Simmons’ website and its sometimes-awkward blend of junk culture and erudition:

An existential answer to the question: "Who wants to sex Mutombo?"—
Fake Grantland (@fakegrantland) August 26, 2011

Indeed, most versions of this story currently found in print, as well as the version frequently told by Bill Simmons, have the player asking “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” not “Who wants to sex Dikembe?”

For example, a 2006 article in Deadspin asserted:

Possibly the greatest contribution to the game by Dikembe Mutombo may be the phrase, “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” To quote The Mighty MJD, “Dikembe walked into a Georgetown bar one night [in the early '90s], the entire place stopped to look at him, and in response, Mutombo just yelled out, “WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO?!”

Online media, including a now-defunct website of the same name, have clearly asserted that the legendary phrase should go down in history as “Who wants to sex Mutombo?”

Other evidence, however,sides with the earlier, “sex Dikembe” legend. Therefore, further investigation is warranted.

An archived discussion on the venerable Georgetown Hoyas basketball discussion board, Hoya Talk, contains a number of variations of the “Dikembe” version of the story:

Re: Mutombo Website
Post by goldhoya on Apr 19, 2005, 2:28pm

Ok, this has been bugging me for a while, since The Sports Guy insists on using this quote at least once a week. I need the expert opinion of those who were around in the early ’90s to resolve my question.

The way the story got passed down at The Hoya, we always believed the quote was “Who Will Sex Dikembe Tonight?” and it was uttered while Dikembe sat on a stool at The Pub.

Fact-checkers, please?

Re: Mutombo Website
Post by austinhoya03 on Apr 19, 2005, 9:53pm

I always heard the famous line (which was passed down to me as “Who Will Sex Dikembe tonight” as well) was uttered at the Tombs and on more than one occasion.

Re: Mutombo Website
Post by frankblack on Apr 21, 2005, 6:12pm

I heard the story at a party my sophomore year in 1994 and the person indicated that it was in Village A. So it must be true. I remember it as: “Who wants to sex Dikembe?”

Re: Mutombo Website
Post by fhillsnyhoya on Apr 20, 2005, 1:10pm

I also remember it as “Who will sex Dikembe tonight”. While I originally thought it happened at the Tombs, some of you have me convinced it might have been at the Pub.

Re: Mutombo Website
Post by wsrrules on Apr 20, 2005, 2:24pm

Georgetown’s own Urban Legend with a million variations. Outstanding.

My freshman year (98), the story was passed down to me by someone who claimed it was “Who wants to sex Dikembe,” but not at the Pub or Tombs… but New South cafeteria. haha.

Comments from Georgetown alums on another discussion board corroborate the “sex Dikembe” version of the tale.

Moreover, a comment thread on a Vox Populi article about Mutombo’s being named commencement speaker for Georgetown College of Arts and Sciences contained this telling exchange:

college senior says:
WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO?

1992 Graduate says:
To College Senior: you have it wrong; Dikembe’s signature call was not “who wants to sex Mutumbo” but “Who will sex Dikembe tonight?!” Those of us who witnessed the man with the booming voice as he walked out of New South on a Friday afternoon, wandering over to his Village A apartment, will never forget it. — C’92

Greg Gumbel will sex Dikembe tonight.

So, after reviewing all the evidence, here are ROTI’s findings regarding what Dikembe Mutombo said when requesting sexual favors, where he said it, and whether this story is true at all.

WHAT DID HE ACTUALLY SAY?

Despite what Bill Simmons may tell you, there does not appear to be anybody in a position to directly relate tales from Mutombo’s undergraduate days at Georgetown who asserts that he said “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” Instead, this construction of the  quote is a legend that dates to Mutombo’s NBA days, and is most feverishly peddled by known Hoya-hater Simmons and Syracuse fans. Dubious sources, to be sure.

Here’s what we know about the evolution of this rumor based on the dates it was first heard:

Early 90s, Georgetown campus: “Who will sex Dikembe tonight?”
Late 90s, Georgetown campus: “Who wants to sex Dikembe?”
Mid-aughts, The Internet: “Who wants to sex Mutombo?”

Not only is the latter version the least funny, it is also the least supported by the facts in evidence. I am somewhat attached to the version I originally heard, since I think that construction of the phrase is arguably the funniest. Nevertheless, based on the evidence that this investigation turned up, I must conclude:

He actually said “Who will sex Dikembe tonight?”

WHERE DID HE SAY “WHO WILL SEX DIKEMBE TONIGHT?”

Deadspin claims Mutombo walked into “a Georgetown bar,” everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him, and he yelled out the line basically as a joke. This is bogus on a number of levels. First of all, Georgetown undergrads would not have frozen at the mere appearance of Dikembe Mutombo, who they probably saw every time they went to eat at the cafeteria. Secondly, there is no way this line was a reaction to an awkward situation. It was a serious question…who’s going to have sex with me? Identify yourselves!

Here are the locations where the primary sources cite Dikembe asking who will sex him tonight:

• The Pub (an on-campus bar, RIP)
• The Tombs (the quintessential Georgetown bar)
• Village A (student housing complex)
• New South Cafeteria after the Block Party

There are many possibilities. Our conclusion? If you come up with a line this brilliant, and it actually works, you don’t just say it one time. You say it every damn time you can.

He said it all over campus and beyond. Therefore, the multiplicity of settings for the “sex Dikembe” anecdote is no obstacle to their collective veracity. ”Who will sex Dikembe tonight?” was his catchphrase. For all we know, he says it to this day.

BUT IS THIS STORY ACTUALLY TRUE?

Of course it is! I don’t want to live in a world where this story isn’t true.

We’re never afraid to buck a trend, and here’s one trend we’re freely bucking: the Lisa Madigan love fest.

The Illinois Attorney General is a new face on the national scene, with Hoya credentials and political knowhow, and her efforts to unseat slimy Governor Blago “Rod” Blagojevich have earned her such accolades as the leadoff spot on “Meet the Press” a few Sundays past.

By fighting to get rid of the corrupt Blago, a sleazeball who refers to his hairbrush as “the [nuclear] football”, Madigan is winning a lot of fans across the land.

The NYT even suggested that Madigan might be President someday:

Almost unanimously, the experts say that a successful contender will come from a younger generation than Mrs. Clinton — promising, as Mr. Obama has, to move to a post-boomer era, beyond the old identity politics.

But as fundamental a change as that may be, much else seems unlikely to change.

Mrs. Clinton easily cleared the bar with many voters on her ability to be commander in chief, making it easier for people to see a woman in that role. Still, most people assume that the burden will fall on women to prove toughness — of a certain kind.

Mrs. Clinton seemed to have the most success in the last months, fighting like a mama bear for her cubs. So some people look to women who have earned reputations as tough fighters: Lisa Madigan, a Democrat who is attorney general in Illinois, and mentioned as a possible successor to the embattled governor, Rod Blagojevich.

Madigan’s father is an influential Illinois politico, so naturally fellow dynastic heiress Caroline Kennedy gave Madigan an award for her “public service in the spirit of John F. Kennedy.“

Our daddies made us political princesses!!!!

What crap. Would you consider outlawing a delicious, alcoholic energy drink to be public service in the Kennedy tradition??

We certainly don’t.

MillerCoors agreed to stop selling Sparks, a caffeinated alcohol drink as part of an agreement Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan announced Thursday.

As part of the agreement about so-called alcopops, MillerCoors will stop using images that imply power, like the identifying “plus” and “minus” symbols on its can that resemble those on batteries, Madigan said. MillerCoors will also cease marketing campaigns that appeal to underage youth, like its sponsorship of professional air guitarist William Ocean.

Chicago-based MillerCoors denied all allegations but cooperated with the investigation and will reformulate Sparks without caffeine or other stimulants. The company said it would also cease production of all caffeinated alcohol beverages and will not produce any in the future.

“These drinks are extremely dangerous in the hands of young people,” Madigan said in a statement. “They contain substantially more caffeine than coffee or soda and are marketed as a way to ‘power’ your nights by staying awake and drinking more alcohol. This is a completely inappropriate message to send to younger audiences.”

Madigan’s office participated in the investigation, which was led by Maine Attorney General Steve Rowe. The attorneys general of Arizona, California, Connecticut, Idaho, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, and Oklahoma and the city attorney of San Francisco also participated in the settlement.

In June, St. Louis-based Anheuser-Busch, following negotiations with Madigan and 10 other states, agreed to withdraw from the alcohol energy drink market and reformulate Tilt and Bud Extra without caffeine or other stimulants.

That’s right – Lisa Madigan killed Sparks.

And she won’t stop until every sweet, sweet blend of booze and stimulants is off the market…

All in the name of “protecting the kids”!!!

Damn you, Lisa Madigan. Damn you and your moralizing ways. You are the most despicable Hoya politician since philandering Hank Hyde.

At least Hank never ripped tasty drinks from our thirsty hands!

RIP, Sparks.

Your sweet boozy nectar will always remain dear to our taste buds, like a phantom limb of tart intoxication…

Sniff.

Past winners of the award include LeBron James, Kevin Love and Greg Oden…so yeah, this guy can ball.

As the WAPO reports, the Hoyas definitively move on this season from the roster that took them to the Final Four two years ago:

The beauty of college basketball, Georgetown Coach John Thompson III likes to say, is that it constantly evolves.

There is no such thing as a finished product to sit back and admire, but instead a revolving cast of players, perpetually defining and redefining itself.

Thompson’s fondness for that flux — and the notion that his work, as a result, can never be finished — will be tested this season.

That test gets under way tonight at Verizon Center, where Georgetown opens its first season in four years without Roy Hibbert, Jonathan Wallace and Patrick Ewing Jr., who led the Hoyas to consecutive Big East regular season titles and three NCAA tournament appearances.

The opponent is Jacksonville (0-1), a team Georgetown beat by 32 points last season but one Thompson isn’t taking lightly. The Dolphins have all five starters returning and scored 40 second-half points against Florida State in both teams’ opener Saturday before falling, 59-57.

“They’re a significantly different team than when we played them last year,” Thompson said of Jacksonville, picked to finish second in the Atlantic Sun Conference. “With their whole group back, they’re going to be confident, and we’re finding ourselves.”

For the faithful at Verizon Center, where Georgetown was unbeaten last season, the focus will be entirely on the new-look Hoyas.

Will 6-foot-11 freshman Greg Monroe, a McDonald’s all-American, show promise of becoming the Hoyas’ anchor inside?

Thompson cautions against assuming that Monroe will simply step into Hibbert’s role, characterizing him instead as “a facilitator.”

“He’s someone who’ll make his teammates a lot better,” Thompson said of the sought-after recruit. “He has an affinity and a gift for being able to pass the ball.”

Teammates rave about Monroe’s work ethic in practice.

“I love the kid!” gushed junior forward DaJuan Summers, who returns for his third season as a starter. “He works tremendously hard. His skill set is very good. And he’s very aware of what’s going on the game.”

Here’s a YouTube highlight reel of Monroe in action at some major national/international camps. We can’t vouch for the audio on this, but the visuals are banging. Update: Got your voucher right here…Gang Starr – “Full Clip.” Certified awesome.

Circle January 17th on your calendar now: that’s the day when Monroe takes his A-game to Duke and shows them what they lost out on by falling short in the recruiting wars.

Monroe canceled his scheduled visit to Durham and signed on with the Hoyas after witnessing Gtown’s March Madness rally featuring Patrick Ewing Jr. teaching Jerry Rice how to dance like Soulja Boy. (Duke promised to counter with Coach K teaching Reade Seligmann and Collin Finnerty to do the Electric Slide, but apparently that wasn’t enough.)

A few comings and goings for the Hoyas this season: Vernon Macklin, who was never really able to assert himself in the post for Gtown, transferred to Florida to join the Billy Donovan Brigade.

More surprisingly, Jeremiah “Son of Doc” Rivers transferred to Indiana. Maybe he got tired of hearing the sarcastic applause following his infrequent field goals…

Nate Lubick (right): Gtown’s first Ginger Great?

On the recruiting front, the Hoyas are heavily recruiting in Boston-area prep schools: an arid landscape to be sure, but also the same terrain that yielded Patrick Ewing.

GU has already signed up one top player from the tiny Independent School League’s Class of 2010 all-stars – skilled, carrot-topped big man Nate Lubick from St. Mark’s School. His ginger aura will bring a new dimension to the GU team, and his all-around skills aren’t bad either…

Our sources tell us that Coach Thompson has ALSO been spotted at the Middlesex School gym checking out potential role-player Rod Odom. Although he’s a big man in a little man’s league right now, Odom ultimately projects to be a perimeter player with a solid 3-point stroke and excellent defensive skills. Seton Hall is in hot pursuit of Odom, but JTIII wants to see more before he extends an offer. Here’s hoping Odom accompanies his growth spurt with a killer junior season, so the official high school basketball team of ROTI can send a representative to the official college basketball team of ROTI.

You’d think Gtown would be harvesting most of their players from the DC/Baldimore area, instead of tiny New England prep schools.

However, we suppose that on some level this makes a lot of sense: if you like to run the Princeton offense, you probably need players capable of making the grade at Princeton…

UPDATE: Monroe kicked ass against Jacksonville. The AP report drooled, “The arena lights dimmed…and Greg Monroe was the first Georgetown player introduced to the crowd. Then the game against Jacksonville began, and the 6-foot-11 freshman was the first Georgetown player to shoot the ball this season. And the first to score. And the first to grab a rebound. And the first to block a shot.” Final line: 14 points, 7 rebounds, 3 blocks…