One Nation Under McNaughton

full-painting

ROTI always stands ready to bring the greatest achievements of the art world to your attention. Like the time we braved a buggy Google Earth interface to demonstrate the wonders of the Museo del Prado’s online collection. Or the time we highlighted a groundbreaking poop artist in Los Angeles.

Yesterday, Nils coq au Vin sent me a link to one of the finest pieces of American art I’ve ever glimpsed.

Mother Jones’ Marian Wang does a good job of summing up this masterpiece:

For as little as $130, fellow Americans, you can take home a canvas reproduction of this beauty of a painting depicting your country’s noble roots. “One Nation Under God” is a new piece by artist Jon McNaughton of Utah, who says he got his inspiration from a vision he received during the 2008 elections.

Front and center, the painting features Jesus Christ, creator of the heavens and earth and bearer of the US Constitution. (A few online wags have already compared the likeness to that of Viggo Mortensen’s Aragorn.) At his feet on his right you have the good guys—the farmer, the Christian minister, the US Marine, the handicapped child, the black college student, the schoolteacher who vaguely resembles Sarah Palin. You also have the young white man who represents the rising generation.

On the other side—Jesus’ left side—is another set of characters, including a professor holding a copy of Darwin’s Origin of the Species, a politician, a lawyer counting his money, a liberal news reporter, and a Supreme Court Justice weeping over Roe v. Wade. Oh, and who could forget Satan lurking in the shadows.

When dudes in Utah start having visions, you never know what kind of freaky shit they’re going to come up with. This painting has every Fox News talking point embedded into it, and then some.

Not only that, but this School of Athens-style depiction of Jesus coming back to lay down a reckoning on American liberals comes complete with alt-text webpage, outlining all the delicious symbolism.

The bottom line: Republican presidents and Founding Fathers rule, Jesus hates the legislative and judicial branches, conservative interest groups are awesome, liberal interest groups are in league with Satan.

Also, Jesus is somehow involved in the Constitution.

Let’s take a look and find out more!

reagan

I thought “patriot of freedom” was a weird phrase to use here. Patriotism is love of one’s country, it doesn’t really apply to love of a specific concept.

If I’m wrong, then you can go ahead and dub me a TRUE PATRIOT OF CAKE.

I Googled it up and quickly found a link to the webpage of the American Patriot Party. Other than the fact that this is the single worst webpage design I’ve ever seen since the blink tag fell out of favor, it’s worth noting that this is a hard-line right wing party dedicated to…well, pretty much everything this painting stands for, and against.

judge

politician

Here are a couple of dudes that Jesus can’t STAND.

Some might say that we have three co-equal branches of government. Jesus doesn’t agree. He’s only down with the POTUSes. Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, punks!

Marbury vs. Madison? Jesus intends to take a dump on that one, and every other cockamamie scheme those activist judges cooked up since. Judges’ role is to interpret the laws, not make them!

How a law that doesn’t square with the Constitution could be invalidated without the principle of judicial review, I have no idea. Maybe McNaughton will come up with the answer to than one in his next vision. Be patient.

Now for the dastardly politicians. In his lengthy dissertation on the painting’s imagery, McNaughton declares “In the background are the Federal Capitol Building and the U. S. Supreme Court Building to represent the Legislative and Judicial branches of our government. Only some of the lights are lit and some are very dim to symbolize the waning of the cause of liberty among many of our elected officials.”

Jesus doesn’t like it when you ignore liberty!

If only those two rascals were the extent of the evil plague upon America, we might be able to handle it. But the hit list goes on!!

prof

news

Here’s where McNaughton really starts to tip his hand. Whereas before we’ve seen him talk about those who haven’t stood up for liberty, here he pretty much comes out and calls liberals evil.

The fricking liberal left! They believe in evolution and try to convince others that their views are correct! The nerve!

When is our beloved Christ gonna show up and kick the shit out of these pansies already?

lawyer

This skeevy lawyer LOVES his money. What a dick!

We definitely need to take away his liberty to enjoy the free market profits of the demand for his services…wait, WTF am I saying? Just stone the bitch!

50stars

civilwar

Hopefully. Hopefully…

But ya know. If those liberal lefties don’t cool it, we might just have to declare war on their evil states and wipe them from the face of the earth once and for all.

In the name of liberty!

5000

This is one of my favorite parts. You know who else gives big ups to the 5000 Year Leap?

None other than the messiah of all birthers, deathers, and fringe whack jobs…Glenn Beck!

The only thing that would make that cover better is a big smiling Jesus face stamped right in the middle.

The delightful geniuses at Shortpacked.com took a liking to McNaughton’s masterwork, and have created their own version of the site with commentary interspersed.

One thing they hit on quite well was the fact that many of the Founding Fathers did not beat their chests and cry out to Jesus.

Actually, a lot of the Presidents depicted flanking JC were actually deists, who believed in a higher power but not Jesus Christ per se…

Then again, that’s probably something fed to me by the wicked professors of academe, who this painting makes VERY clear are in the pocket of Sinners who Jesus is gonna destroy!

gw-paroda

tomjeff-parody

jfk-parody

Wait just a damn minute…these guys sound like a bunch of atheist pinkos to me!!

What kind of country IS this, anyway?!

benfrank-parody

teacher-parody

Also…she looks exactly like Sarah Palin.

farmer-parody

If there’s one thing I LOATHE, it’s big government passing out handouts to lazy welfare queens and good for nothing bums.

Now please pass me that pitcher of corn syrup.

jesus-parody

What a stud!

I still prefer Baby Jesus to the grown-up edition – so much more inscrutable, yet knowing – but this is a pretty bad ass Jesus, and he loves him the Constitution.

Never mind that it never actually says ANYTHING about Jesus in the Constitution. Visions don’t lie, bro.

One thing that is great about both the original McNaughton page and the parody is that both versions feel the same way about the evillest figure in the painting — no, not Satan.

MR. HOLLYWOOD!

hollywood

hollywood-parody

The Of Common Consent blog was so inspired by this work of genius, they started a haiku contest.

Here are some of my favorites:

Karen H. Says:
Founding Father Jive!
Alexander Hamilton
Dance jazzy hands dance!

jazzhands

Geoff J Says:
Civil war soldier
What’s up with all the crying?
The blue side won dude

And my personal favorite:

S.P. Bailey Says:
Benjamin Franklin
Gots his eyes on that cutie
With the baby bump

babybump

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