ROTI always stands ready to bring the greatest achievements of the art world to your attention. Like the time we braved a buggy Google Earth interface to demonstrate the wonders of the Museo del Prado’s online collection. Or the time we highlighted a groundbreaking poop artist in Los Angeles.

Yesterday, Nils coq au Vin sent me a link to one of the finest pieces of American art I’ve ever glimpsed.

Mother Jones’ Marian Wang does a good job of summing up this masterpiece:

For as little as $130, fellow Americans, you can take home a canvas reproduction of this beauty of a painting depicting your country’s noble roots. “One Nation Under God” is a new piece by artist Jon McNaughton of Utah, who says he got his inspiration from a vision he received during the 2008 elections.

Front and center, the painting features Jesus Christ, creator of the heavens and earth and bearer of the US Constitution. (A few online wags have already compared the likeness to that of Viggo Mortensen’s Aragorn.) At his feet on his right you have the good guys—the farmer, the Christian minister, the US Marine, the handicapped child, the black college student, the schoolteacher who vaguely resembles Sarah Palin. You also have the young white man who represents the rising generation.

On the other side—Jesus’ left side—is another set of characters, including a professor holding a copy of Darwin’s Origin of the Species, a politician, a lawyer counting his money, a liberal news reporter, and a Supreme Court Justice weeping over Roe v. Wade. Oh, and who could forget Satan lurking in the shadows.

When dudes in Utah start having visions, you never know what kind of freaky shit they’re going to come up with. This painting has every Fox News talking point embedded into it, and then some.

Not only that, but this School of Athens-style depiction of Jesus coming back to lay down a reckoning on American liberals comes complete with alt-text webpage, outlining all the delicious symbolism.

The bottom line: Republican presidents and Founding Fathers rule, Jesus hates the legislative and judicial branches, conservative interest groups are awesome, liberal interest groups are in league with Satan.

Also, Jesus is somehow involved in the Constitution.

Let’s take a look and find out more!

I thought “patriot of freedom” was a weird phrase to use here. Patriotism is love of one’s country, it doesn’t really apply to love of a specific concept.

If I’m wrong, then you can go ahead and dub me a TRUE PATRIOT OF CAKE.

I Googled it up and quickly found a link to the webpage of the American Patriot Party. Other than the fact that this is the single worst webpage design I’ve ever seen since the blink tag fell out of favor, it’s worth noting that this is a hard-line right wing party dedicated to…well, pretty much everything this painting stands for, and against.

Here are a couple of dudes that Jesus can’t STAND.

Some might say that we have three co-equal branches of government. Jesus doesn’t agree. He’s only down with the POTUSes. Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, punks!

Marbury vs. Madison? Jesus intends to take a dump on that one, and every other cockamamie scheme those activist judges cooked up since. Judges’ role is to interpret the laws, not make them!

How a law that doesn’t square with the Constitution could be invalidated without the principle of judicial review, I have no idea. Maybe McNaughton will come up with the answer to than one in his next vision. Be patient.

Now for the dastardly politicians. In his lengthy dissertation on the painting’s imagery, McNaughton declares “In the background are the Federal Capitol Building and the U. S. Supreme Court Building to represent the Legislative and Judicial branches of our government. Only some of the lights are lit and some are very dim to symbolize the waning of the cause of liberty among many of our elected officials.”

Jesus doesn’t like it when you ignore liberty!

If only those two rascals were the extent of the evil plague upon America, we might be able to handle it. But the hit list goes on!!

Here’s where McNaughton really starts to tip his hand. Whereas before we’ve seen him talk about those who haven’t stood up for liberty, here he pretty much comes out and calls liberals evil.

The fricking liberal left! They believe in evolution and try to convince others that their views are correct! The nerve!

When is our beloved Christ gonna show up and kick the shit out of these pansies already?

This skeevy lawyer LOVES his money. What a dick!

We definitely need to take away his liberty to enjoy the free market profits of the demand for his services…wait, WTF am I saying? Just stone the bitch!

Hopefully. Hopefully…

But ya know. If those liberal lefties don’t cool it, we might just have to declare war on their evil states and wipe them from the face of the earth once and for all.

In the name of liberty!

This is one of my favorite parts. You know who else gives big ups to the 5000 Year Leap?

None other than the messiah of all birthers, deathers, and fringe whack jobs…Glenn Beck!

The only thing that would make that cover better is a big smiling Jesus face stamped right in the middle.

The delightful geniuses at Shortpacked.com took a liking to McNaughton’s masterwork, and have created their own version of the site with commentary interspersed.

One thing they hit on quite well was the fact that many of the Founding Fathers did not beat their chests and cry out to Jesus.

Actually, a lot of the Presidents depicted flanking JC were actually deists, who believed in a higher power but not Jesus Christ per se…

Then again, that’s probably something fed to me by the wicked professors of academe, who this painting makes VERY clear are in the pocket of Sinners who Jesus is gonna destroy!

Wait just a damn minute…these guys sound like a bunch of atheist pinkos to me!!

What kind of country IS this, anyway?!

Also…she looks exactly like Sarah Palin.

If there’s one thing I LOATHE, it’s big government passing out handouts to lazy welfare queens and good for nothing bums.

Now please pass me that pitcher of corn syrup.

What a stud!

I still prefer Baby Jesus to the grown-up edition – so much more inscrutable, yet knowing – but this is a pretty bad ass Jesus, and he loves him the Constitution.

Never mind that it never actually says ANYTHING about Jesus in the Constitution. Visions don’t lie, bro.

One thing that is great about both the original McNaughton page and the parody is that both versions feel the same way about the evillest figure in the painting — no, not Satan.

MR. HOLLYWOOD!

The Of Common Consent blog was so inspired by this work of genius, they started a haiku contest.

Here are some of my favorites:

Karen H. Says:
Founding Father Jive!
Alexander Hamilton
Dance jazzy hands dance!

Geoff J Says:
Civil war soldier
What’s up with all the crying?
The blue side won dude

And my personal favorite:

S.P. Bailey Says:
Benjamin Franklin
Gots his eyes on that cutie
With the baby bump

As everyone no doubt has heard, Massachusetts’ Class I Senate seat has recently become vacant with the passing of Ted Kennedy.

The seat has been held over the years by such luminaries as John Quincy Adams, Daniel Webster, Charles Sumner and Henry Cabot Lodge (the elder and junior).

More recently, it’s become known as “the Kennedy Seat” because it has been held since 1953 by the Kennedy family – first JFK, then briefly by placeholder minion Benjamin Smith, and then by Ted Kennedy until this week.

Massachusetts’ Senate delegation has been locked in place since 1985, so it’s been a long time since Bay State politicos rumbled for state-wide election to a national office. Both Kennedy and Kerry were challenged a decade ago by Republican contenders (Mitt Romney and Bill Weld, respectively), but both challengers fell significantly short.

However, maneuvering that took place while then-junior Senator John Kerry was running for President gives us some clue as to what is going to take place over the next six months as the battle for the open seat begins.

Governor Patrick: May be empowered to appoint an interim senator

Under current state law, the seat will remain vacant until a special election can be held. Ironically, this law was put into place to prevent former Republican Governor Mitt Romney from appointing a senator of his choosing if John Kerry had won the presidency. Now, Democrats are unable to put their own man in place immediately because of a law they themselves passed, overriding Romney’s veto.

Kennedy urged the state to overturn the law in his final days, which would give Governor Deval Patrick the opportunity to send a Democratic loyalist to Washington to help push the party’s agenda. While Kennedy’s request was initially rebuffed by the what’s-in-it-for-me state legislature, there have been signs that this resistance is fading. At this point, it seems likely that Patrick will be able to make an appointment.

Of course, if we have learned anything from the sagas of Blago and David Patterson/Caroline Kennedy, it’s that gubernatorial appointments of Senators are generally a horrible idea.

This wouldn’t be the first dumb idea passed by the Mass. legislature, nor the millionth, so for the sake of argument let’s say it’s going to happen.

At present, there seem to be two possible contenders for the appointment, neither of whom would be expected to seek further terms.

The first is Victoria Reggie Kennedy, the Senator’s widow. Don’t ask me why there is such a rich tradition of appointing the bereaved spouse of a dead political figure to their empty position, but this has happened many times.

Additionally, Vicky Kennedy is said to have worked closely with the Senator for decades, and would be expected to have immediate entree into any Congressional audience she might seek. The idea here goes that Ted Kennedy’s lifelong healthcare quest would be best served by the appointment of his widow. Meh.

I’m not sure whether to chalk the persistence of inherited political appointments in the modern age up to laziness or what. Sounds like a terrible idea to me.

An idea that is generating a lot of heat at the moment is the potential appointment of former Governor and Democratic presidential nominee Michael Dukakis to the seat. The Duke is still a respected political figure in Massachusetts, and with his electoral buttwhipping by George H. W. Bush receding into distant memory, his image has been rehabilitated somewhat in recent years. Of all potential appointees, Dukakis is seen as least likely to desire to stay on, because he’s a pretty old fella and hasn’t run for office in decades.

The diminutive Duke just might ride his tank straight into the Senate.

Two other names bouncing around are Kennedy scion Joe, best known for cutting deals with Hugo Chavez to bring cheap oil to New England (and riding around grandiosely on a Citgo oil barge in Boston Harbor in fairly ridiculous TV commercials), and Kennedy minion Peter Meade, who worked closely with the Senator and also recently spent time at health care giant Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

Neither of those guys are particularly well-regarded in the state, and neither has close ties to Governor Patrick. Thumbs down.

My money says the Governor will appoint the former Governor, and we’ll have Senator Dukakis serving until the special election in January.

Which, no doubt about it, would be pretty weird; but undoubtedly preferable to keeping the Kennedy seat in Kennedy hands.

Come on, this isn’t a feudal empire. Right???

The really interesting questions pertain to the candidates in the special election. Who’s going to run, and who has the money and the savvy to win? There are a handful of really well-qualified candidates, each with their own constituency and sources of funding.

Many of these candidates have long been biding their time for a major seat to open up, and are probably having trouble restraining themselves until the funeral services are complete.

The #1 seed right now in this Mass. political tournament bracket has to be Attorney General Martha Coakley. Let’s face it: the Democratic party is first and foremost the party of women, and for the supposedly most liberal state in the universe, Massachusetts has only a single female in its entire Congressional delegation (Congresswoman Niki Tsongas, herself the wife of the late Senator Paul Tsongas). Coakley, the former DA of Middlesex County, easily coasted into office in 2006, and has been not-so-quietly eying Teddy’s seat since he was taken ill.

What Coakley has going for her is a fair amount of name recognition and the experience of running and winning a statewide election. THE FIX’s Chris Cilizza notes that she has already done polling on her chances in a special election and continues to move forward with a bid. Coakley can be sure to draw the women’s vote and might win some men over as well with tough-on-crime bona fides.

However, Mass. is not quite as socially liberal as some might think, and it’s not a complete fluke that Coakley is the highest-ranking female elected official in the state. The patriarchy is strong, and several gents will be vying to take her down.

Congressman Stephen Lynch is as close to a conservative contender as you’re likely to see in this race. He’s a Democrat, but the kind of working-class Democrat that listens to the Dennis & Callahan right-wing morning show on WEEI. Lynch is staunchly pro-life, and a former ironworker who has extremely close ties with organized labor. He only voted for the TARP after he voted against it.

Lynch is said to have $1 million sitting in a bank account, and his strategy would be to run to the right of the rest of the Democratic field. Given the political climate in the state at the moment, this is a pretty promising strategy, but the fact that it’s Ted Kennedy’s seat will probably work against him. It seems unlikely that Massachusetts voters would send someone in Ted’s place who might undermine Obama’s agenda.

Congressman Michael Capuano is also sitting on a hoard of political gold – several hundred thousand at least in his political coffers (the Globe says $1.2 million) – and has a strong power base in the white-collar suburbs. Capuano hails from Somerville, but his working-class roots are belied by his basis of support among the Cambridge intelligentsia.

Capuano is a skillful politician with the potential to bridge the class divide that threatens to become the crux of the special election. Capuano won a fierce battle to win his seat to begin with, and has amassed a fair amount of power in the House. Mike Capuano is a pretty skilled shit-talker, as well; check out this clip of him eviscerating bank executives:

“You come to us today on your bicycles after buying Girl Scout cookies and helping out Mother Teresa and telling us, ‘We’re sorry, we didn’t mean it, we won’t do it again, trust us.’ Well, I have some people in my constituency that actually robbed some of your banks and they say the same thing.”

The merits of this attack aside, it’s nothing if not entertaining. Capuano will have to face down strong opponents from the left and right to win the seat, but outbursts like that would go a long way towards winning my vote.

The wild card is former Congressman Marty Meehan, now the Chancellor of UMass-Lowell. Meehan was all geared up to run for Kerry’s seat, but retreated into academe when his dreams were Swiftboated. Meehan has FIVE MILLION stashed away in his House account that he could bring into play in a Senate bid. He was a powerful House politician before his retirement, and still has high name recognition and political skills to match.

However, political consultant Dan Lynch claims that UMass Lowell probably has some kind of deal whereby Meehan has promised not to run. We’ll believe that when we see it, because a Massachusetts Senate seat doesn’t open up every day. Meehan could run as the outsider candidate, assailing the others with his pet issue, the need for campaign finance reform. Meehan’s deep pockets make him the potential favorite if he jumps in, but so far, he hasn’t.

Other potential candidates include various Kennedys…here’s hoping this does not happen.

“It will be hugely powerful,’’ said Will Keyser, a former communications director in Kennedy’s office. “It will create an environment that would make it very hard to defeat a Kennedy family member.’’

Can we let someone else play in the sandbox for a little while, please?

Chris Cillizza claims that the race would be a “coronation” if Victoria Kennedy got involved. Please, no.

Some have floated potential candidacies for current Congressmen Ed Markey and Barney Frank. These guys already swing a lot of weight in their current House seats, and might not have much to gain from becoming the most junior Senator around. On the other hand, it’s tough to find a more secure Senate seat given current political trends, and you just never know. The fact that nobody would have to give up their current seat to run in a special election means that you can’t rule anyone out for sure.

Oh, except of course for any potential Republican candidate.

The strongest statewide figure the GOP has is Charlie Baker, who recently announced his intentions to take on the unpopular Governor Patrick. Massachusetts has elected many a Republican to the Governor’s office, as a means of reigning in the absurdities of the legislature. Baker seems a little goofy to me – check out his website – but his credentials as a member of the Weld administration and an accomplished private-sector executive are sound, despite Mass. liberals’ attempts to tie him to the Big Dig.

There wouldn’t be much in it for Baker to change course and pursue a Senate seat that he’s unlikely to win. It would be much easier to take down Governor Patrick. Massachusetts is extraordinarily unlikely to send a Republican to Washington in this day and age. The idea just doesn’t make any sense when he’s got a pretty excellent shot at becoming Governor.

And beyond Baker (and maybe former Governor Weld, since relocated to New York), there really aren’t many impressive Republicans to speak of in the state…with one notable exception:

Blogger Peter Roth suggested Mitt Romney should go for the seat as a stepping stone to the Presidency in 2012.

Hold up, someone pays this guy to offer these opinions? Without exaggeration, this might be the stupidest political blog post I’ve ever seen.

“And, in an environment where President Obama seems to be dragging the Democrats down, he would be a serious threat to the Democratic hegemony in Massachusetts’s congressional delegation. Meaning Romney likely would win.”

Firstly, the argument is fundamentally bogus and sloppy. Despite sagging poll numbers, Obama is still far more popular than congressional delegations from either party. Yet he’d singlehandedly flip a senate seat in a deep blue state due to his allegedly massive unpopularity? Illogical in the extreme.

More to the point, I have no idea what would be in this for Romney, nor why the state would elect him to the post.

Romney has already attempted to parlay a Massachusetts office into the Presidency once, and royally annoyed the state’s electorate in the process. There is no way he could stage a run without somehow vowing not to quit after two years, and thereby open himself to the old flip-flopping charges if he did.

Moreover, the political stances that he would be  required to assume in order to win the Mass. Senate seat would completely torpedo Romney’s chances at winning Republican primary votes in red states.

This idea makes no sense whatsoever. For anyone. Go away, Peter Roth.

The bottom line: Coakley has to be considered the favorite for now, but if Meehan gets involved, his money could clear the field pretty fast. For entertainment purposes, you have to hope Lynch and Capuano get in, setting the stage for a political battle royale as the seemingly solid Massachusetts electorate splinters into its constituent parts.

All I know is, it’s time to pass the “Kennedy Seat” on to a non-Kennedy family member or flunkie. They’ve controlled the seat since Ike was president. It’s time to move on.

UPDATE 9/4/09 – Vicky Kennedy is out, Coakley is in. Lynch appears poised to get in, and my sources in the Capuano family indicate the Congressman from Somerville will run as well.

Curt Schilling has made noise about getting in the race, but he’s ineligible to run as a Republican and my hunch is that he’s just enjoying the publicity. State Senator Scott Brown appears to be the most prominent Republican testing the waters.

The new blog kennedyseat.com looks like an amazing clearinghouse for all information surrounding this special election, so check it out.

We are, of course, already registered…at as many polling places as possible. But if we were not registered, this video would make us NOT want to. The fact is, most of these people didn’t go to college and pretend for a living. We don’t recommend letting dullards like these influence your political positions. The video is pretty lame, so once you get the gist of it skip to the very end: the last 20 seconds are worth catching.

Why don’t they just put on their Obama t-shirts. This is a Democratic ad masquerading as a nonpartisan effort. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; it’s pretty clever actually.

Only six of these celebrities remain dear to us and emerge from this lameness intact.

PEOPLE WHOSE VOTE I WANT TO CANCEL OUT
Tobey Maguire – His manner is so irritating.
Demi Moore – Clearly ridiculous.
Eva Longoria – the biggest whore for publicity on the planet. Insufferable.
Usher – Ever since this guy pretentiously wore Clockwork Orange makeup in a video…just no.
Ashton Kutcher – Should be turned over to al-Qaeda
Courteney Cox – Go away.
Ethan Suplee – (a) What are you doing here? (b) Scientologist. They should be disenfranchised
Halle Berry – So annoying
That idiot from “Entourage” – That show is played out!!!
will-i-am – Although he has produced some good stuff – “Hip Hop is Dead” comes to mind….ahhh, we don’t know. We still hate him.
Kiedis – Even in his best years he teetered on the edge of lame. Those years are gone.
Adam Levine – Die…
Giovanni Ribisi – Scientologist. See “Ethan Suplee”

PERHAPS NOT TOTALLY CONDEMNABLE
Leo – the pointman; he’s definitely annoying but he has had his moments in some good movies.
D. Hoffman – Pretty lame these days, but he is a legend and saves the video at the end.
Forest Whittaker – Street Kings was so bad.
Laura Linney – Kind of annoys us now.
Kate Bosworth – Please don’t flail your skeleton arms at us again.
Kyra Sedgwick & Kevin Bacon – Meh.
Jamie Foxx – We’re not into his musical career, but he was badass in Miami Vice.
Djimon Hounsou – Whatever
Michelle Trachtenberg – You’re very attractive, but please stop talking.

LET’S FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED
Benicio – He mostly mutters darkly, anyway, and maintains his cred.
Ellen – She’s cool
Sarah Silverman – doing her usual shtick. The Great Schlep still the best 2008-election-related Silverman clip
Jonah Hill – Not nearly as big a star as most of these other people, unless I missed something. But he’s funny in this.
Natalie Portman – You found our soft spot
Amy Adams – Hot and talented ginger…

The cure for this lame video is more Amy Adams!!