An Audiobook of This Would Be Awesome

November 4, 2008 2 Comments

So, it’s election day…and until this evening the news crawl is going to be pretty slow.

(P.S. Ignore exit polls.)

Looking for some insight into the mind of the late-breaking voter?

We randomly found this blog post on Word Press in which an undecided voter from North Carolina finally makes up her mind.

This here’s Ginger, and she’s finally decided on Bob Barr.

Read on to find out why. This is so much more enjoyable when read aloud. The word “mellifluous” comes to mind.

I’m a North Carolina white woman, born to parents that both grew up in Southern baptist homes, in what used to be a small town, so I’m (naturally) a registered Republican. All of us are, y’all. The only time I EVER voted for a Democrat was when Jimmy Carter was runnin’ and that was because he was so Baptist and so southern, plus he reminded my Grandma Gladys of her Papa Green, so how could I not? It turned out to be a big mistake, with all those long gas lines and all, so I’ve been stickin’ with the straight Republican ticket ever since.

I have to hang my head when I admit that I voted for George W. I am sorry and I hope y’all will accept my heartfelt apologies. But, here’s the thing. I don’t think George, Jr. is really a Republican. Naw, really. I think he’s fakin’ it. I think he’s a closet liberal, who’s helped out his rich oil buddies by startin’ wars. I even think he might have sold his soul to the World Bankers, and those One World Government Illuminati types that just want to make enough money to be able to live in fancy caves underground, when the rest of us go up in the mushroom clouds.

So now I don’t feel like I can trust the Republicans anymore. I miss Ronnie Reagan. I wish he was still around to tell me one of his grandfatherly stories about how little Suzie in the third grade in Indiana needs new shoes and how my vote could help her get some cute pink and white Nikes. Without his help, I can’t seem to find my way anymore.

I wanted to be able to get behind one of the mainstream canidates.

John McCain is supposed to be conservative, but I got a feelin’ that he’s only pretendin’ to be, so all the conservative Christians will vote for him. I’m grateful that he went to war and fought for us and all. All that military experience will come in handy. His wife sure is a looker with all that perfectly coifed blonde hair. I was excited when he chose Sarah Palin, instead of some old-timey senator like Obama got. Sarah seems so down-homey and apple pie-ish, that it’s real hard not to just love her to death. But when McCain debated Obama, he looked real scary, y’all. He kept repeatin’ the same thing over and over, like some kind of scratched up little ol’ 45 record. I practically got the vapors from watchin’ it.

I absolutely loved some of Obama’s speeches. That stuff he said about his Grandma reduced me to tears. He’s so eloquent, and young, and handsome. His wife, Michelle, is cute as a button, too, with her fist-bumpin’ and all that jazz. I love that he is neither black, nor white, and yet he is both. I understand why so many people support him. But I was disappointed when he chose Biden. Biden is so old and outta touch, and so ingrained in the system that Obama says he wants to change. I wanted him to choose Hilary. Also, the whole Acorn business scares me. So does that Jeremiah preacher-man. All that hollerin’ from the pulpit got on my Baptist nerves. Now, I’m smart enough to realize he’s prolly not a Muslim, but his reputation as the most liberal senator, plus the fact that he voted “present” instead of actually standing up for anything goes against my upbringing, I reckon.

Then they both lost me over that big bailout deal. I mean, come on already! If either one of the two of them had stood up to George Bush and The Fed and just said NO to giving HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS of DOLLARS WE DON’T EVEN HAVE to the banks, then that canidate would have had my vote, right then and there, y’all. When McCain annouced that he was suspendin’ his campaign and runnin’ back to Washington, my heart was all a-twitter. I thought he was going to act all Reaganish and stand up to them-there big bankers. I thought, “Here’s his big chance to show the world how a REAL Republican is supposed to act and show everyone that he’s not going to stand for another four years of George Bush’s nonsence.”

I still can’t believe that both candidates, Obama the eloquent Liberal, and McCain the war hero Quasi-Conservative, voted exactly the same on gettin’ us even further into debt. McCain should have been against it on the general principle of wanting smaller government, and a balanced budget, like every Republcan in the history of the world has ever talked about. And Obama should have said, “Whoa, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute, if we’re gonna borrow this kind of money, let’s bail out the homeowners and throw in some programs to help out the poor folks, y’all.”

So I voted for Bob Barr. He’s the Libertarian that’s runnin’. He was flatly against the bail out, and he’s all about cuttin’ taxes, reducin’ government spending and restorin’ our civil liberties lost during the Bush administration.The media ignores him, so almost nobody has even heard of him. I’m fully aware of the fact that he’s not going to win. I know my vote won’t count for much. But I did it because I feel we need another choice. I figure if enough people vote for these Libertarians, then maybe the media will sit up and take notice some day.

[...]

Plus, he’s from Georgia, y’all. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Now everyone do like Ginger – make up your minds and go vote.

Filed under Power & Politics Tagged with , , ,

WSJ: Uh, so we were thinkin’, maybe vote McCain?

November 3, 2008 Leave a comment

This weekend the venerable conservative editorial page of the WALL STREET JOURNAL decided to issue an endorsement in the presidential race, apparently something they’ve refrained from for decades. The last time the WSJ decided to take a stand was in favor of Herbert Hoover. That worked out wicked well, so it’s a mystery why they gave up the endorsement game until now.

Unsurprisingly, after years of blasting Obama, Al Gore and other Democrats, the Journal is going with Johnny Mac. And boy, oh boy, do they ever sell it:

Mr. McCain’s bad luck is to be running in a year when character and experience aren’t enough. His party is at a low public ebb and the financial system imploded only weeks before Election Day. The first problem he could overcome with his history as a GOP apostate. The second hasn’t played to his strengths but has instead revealed his penchant for — let’s be charitable — political wanderlust.

Looked at individually, most of Mr. McCain’s economic proposals are sensibly conservative, and some are even bold. They are superior to Mr. Obama’s, and if implemented would make a recession shallower and shorter. They are also politically braver, especially his support for free trade. His health-care plan in particular amounts to genuine “progressive” change in the sense that it would redistribute tax benefits from the well-to-do to the uninsured working class. Mr. Obama’s health plan by contrast is one more incremental — if larger than usual — increase in government control. But Mr. McCain was never able, or willing, to explain the differences.

More broadly, he has never explained to fearful Americans how an economy with Republicans at the helm could fall into this ditch. His one-line explanation for the financial panic has been “greed and corruption” on Wall Street and Washington. Voters know that’s simplistic and would have been open to a larger, and truer, argument.

WELL – now that you put it THAT way, how can we be so foolish as to choose this fool! Oh wait – that’s the guy you WANT us to vote for?

In this difficult year, Mr. McCain has had the harder sale to make. His admirable personal tenacity has been better than his variable political argument. We’ll find out Tuesday if biography trumps hope.

Ryan Tate at GAWKER quips, “There you have it: Vote for McCain and defeat hope.”

Filed under Power & Politics, Schadenfreude Tagged with ,

Johnny Mac’s double blunder with cheese

October 21, 2008 Leave a comment

Today, John McCain appeared in Moon, PA and attempted to put the smack down on John Murtha for saying Western Pennsylvanians (his own constituents, mind you) were racists. The only problem for McCain is that he completely blows his line, then babbles nonsensically for a while, and then compounds his error by proclaiming Western PA the “most patriotic, most God-loving, most patriotic part of America.”

While this line was no doubt part of the script – both literally speaking, and as a tactic in the kamikaze effort to take Pennsylvania from Obama – what the hell is he talking about? What is his basis for declaring that Western Pennsylvanians, on the whole, love God more than the citizens of any other region of the country? And how on earth is that germane to Murtha’s assertions?

Filed under Power & Politics, Schadenfreude Tagged with

Wisecracks from the Al Smith dinner

October 17, 2008 Leave a comment

Both Obama and McCain appeared at the Al Smith dinner in NYC, which is apparently de rigueur for presidential candidates. It’s also an opportunity to show their comedic side, and neither candidate disappointed.

McCain spoke first, and here’s a wrapup of his best zingers from MARC AMBINDER:

He was very very gracious and funny…

McCain says he fired all of his campaign staff; “All of their positions will now be held by a man named Joe The Plumber.”

Says that Joe Biden falsely claims that Joe The Plumber isn’t rich enough trigger the Obama tax hike; “What they don’t know is that Joe The Plumber recently signed a lucrative contract to handle all the work on all seven of their houses.”

Says his pet name for Obama is “The One”; Obama’s for McCain is “George Bush.”

“I can’t shake the feeling that some people here are voting for me. Nice to see you, Hillary.”

Bill Clinton “has been hammering away with me with epithets like, “hero.”

“It’s going to be a long, long night at MSNBC if I manage to pull this thing off. I understand that Keith Olbermann has ordered up his very own Mission Accomplished banner. They can hang it up in his padded room”

“We know the press is really an independent-minded, civic-minded, non-partisan group, like ACORN.”

A nice tribute to Obama at the end, saying that he can’t “wish him luck,” but he does “wish him well.”

Here’s Ambinder’s wrapup of Obama’s best lines, although devoid of sympathetic commentary, for whatever that’s worth. We wish we could locate the dormant comment thread where Ambinder hid his admission of voting for McCain – not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it seemed like a pretty lame way to announce his choice. That said, his blog is a must-read for political junkies.

“People tell me I share the politics of Alfred E. Smith and the ears of Alfred E. Neumann”

“I was originally told that we would able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium. Can someone tell me what happened to the Greek columns I requested.”

“On the Waldorf Astoria: They tell me, from the doorstep, you can see all the way to the Russian Tea Room.”

To Al Smith IV: “I obviously never knew your grandfather, but from everything Sen. McCain has told me…”

Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s term limits maneuverings caused Bill Clinton to say: “You can do that?”

The housing crisis “has been eight times harder on John McCain.”

“The last few weeks, John’s been out on the campaign trail asking the question Who Is Barack Obama. I’ve got to admit, I was surprised by the question: the answer is right there on my Facebook page.”

“I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton….”

“I got my name Barack from my father…. it’s actually Swahali for “That one.”

My middle name, it’s not what you think. It’s actually “Steve.”

“There was a point in my life when I started palling around with a pretty ugly crowd…. that’s right… I’ve been a member of the United States Senate.”

Filed under Power & Politics, Smiles Tagged with , ,

Hitchens pimp-slaps McCain/Palin

October 14, 2008 Leave a comment

The inimitable Christopher Hitchens unveils a presidential endorsement. Taking the long view, it’s no surprise that the leftist-briefly-turned-neocon goes with Obama. It’s also no surprise that this endorsement comes complete with a no-holds-barred smackdown of the opposing candidate and his running mate.

Hitchens is simultaneously the most thrilling (if you agree with him on a given topic) and maddening (if you disagree) scribe out there. This SLATE column is no exception.

On “the issues” in these closing weeks, there really isn’t a very sharp or highly noticeable distinction to be made between the two nominees, and their “debates” have been cramped and boring affairs as a result. But the difference in character and temperament has become plainer by the day, and there is no decent way of avoiding the fact. Last week’s so-called town-hall event showed Sen. John McCain to be someone suffering from an increasingly obvious and embarrassing deficit, both cognitive and physical. And the only public events that have so far featured his absurd choice of running mate have shown her to be a deceiving and unscrupulous woman utterly unversed in any of the needful political discourses but easily trained to utter preposterous lies and to appeal to the basest element of her audience. McCain occasionally remembers to stress matters like honor and to disown innuendoes and slanders, but this only makes him look both more senile and more cynical, since it cannot (can it?) be other than his wish and design that he has engaged a deputy who does the innuendoes and slanders for him.

The ineptitude of the McCain campaign is disturbing no matter how you slice it – either the Senator himself is in charge, in which case any intellectually honest person has to question his skill as an executive for running such a blundering operation, or the Rove-disciples are calling the shots, in which case Senator Obama’s claim that McCain = GWB term III seems pretty valid.

In William Kristol’s column yesterday, he simultaneously beseeched McCain to fire his campaign managers and beseeched some unknown person to let McCain and Palin off the leash – to “set them free.” I hate to break it to the unfunny Billy Kristol, but if there is someone behind the scenes secretly in charge of McCain, that kind of undercuts his legendarily mavericky maverickness.

Anyway, back to Hitchens, who we couldn’t agree with more in this instance…

The most insulting thing that a politician can do is to compel you to ask yourself: “What does he take me for?” Precisely this question is provoked by the selection of Gov. Sarah Palin. I wrote not long ago that it was not right to condescend to her just because of her provincial roots or her piety, let alone her slight flirtatiousness, but really her conduct since then has been a national disgrace. It turns out that none of her early claims to political courage was founded in fact, and it further turns out that some of the untested rumors about her—her vindictiveness in local quarrels, her bizarre religious and political affiliations—were very well-founded, indeed. Moreover, given the nasty and lowly task of stirring up the whack-job fringe of the party’s right wing and of recycling patent falsehoods about Obama’s position on Afghanistan, she has drawn upon the only talent that she apparently possesses.

It therefore seems to me that the Republican Party has invited not just defeat but discredit this year, and that both its nominees for the highest offices in the land should be decisively repudiated, along with any senators, congressmen, and governors who endorse them.

Filed under Power & Politics Tagged with , ,

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