You gotta wake up pretty freakin’ early in the morning to fool Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen!!

December 4, 2008 Leave a Comment

In case you were wondering who the hardest person in America to successfully prank call is, we now know the answer.

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Florida Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, the most senior Republican woman in the House of Representatives, hung up on both President-Elect Obama and future Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel in separate incidents yesterday.

And not because they offended her with their pinko liberal ways; because she was all, “you can’t fool me, prank calling Florida talk radio hosts!!! President Obama, my ass!”

According to CNN, the Congresswoman “convinced she was being prank-called by a Barack Obama sound-alike – hung up on the actual president-elect Wednesday.

[Rep. Ros-Lehtinen] was told by an aide that Obama wanted to speak with her. According to a statement released by her office, the Republican congresswoman cut off the caller, telling him she thought “this is a joke from one of the South Florida radio stations known for these pranks.” She then hung up.

Obama’s future White House chief of staff, Rahm Emmanuel – a fellow congressman – then called her to let her know she’d actually been speaking with the future commander-in-chief. Ros-Lehtinen, convinced the call was another hoax, hung up on him, too.“

At which point an irate Emanuel undoubtedly plunged a steak knife into his desk, bellowing “Dead! Dead! Dead!!!!!!”

The best part of the story is when the President-Elect had one of Ros-Lehtinen’s congressional colleagues call her to say, “Obama ain’t playin’.”

While Rep. Howard Berman is the chairman of the powerful Foreign Affairs committee, of which Ros-Lehtinen is the ranking minority member, he’s still a relatively unknown figure that radio goof-offs wouldn’t think to impersonate.

Not good enough for the least gullible woman in the world, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen!!!

She demanded to know the top-secret pinky-swear Congress password!

The CNN report continues, “an aide told Ros-Lehtinen she had an urgent call from Chairman Howard Berman, chairman of the Foreign Affairs Committee. Still suspicious, Ros-Lehtinen urged the California Democrat to recount a story only both of them would know. Berman passed the test — and told her she had, in fact, hung up on President-elect Obama.“

Obama thought all this was hilarious, and they finally got down to business.

Although we doubt many of you know much about Ros-Lehtinen – we sure didn’t – it seems that if Obama intends to reach across the aisle on issues of foreign policy and immigration, the most prominent Cuban-American congresswoman is a good place to start.

Of course, she didn’t burnish her image any by issuing a poorly-spelt press release about her skeptical ways, in which she referred to her would-be callers as “Barak Obama” and “Rahm Emmanuel.”

(To be fair, CNN spelled Emanuel’s last name wrong too! See above.)

Filed under Power & Politics, Schadenfreude Tagged with , , ,

Netanyahu: Hebrew for “to plagiarize”

November 18, 2008 Leave a Comment

Remember Benjamin Netanyahu?

He’s the Israeli conservative leader who was briefly Prime Minister in the 90s, and has been keeping up the opposition to the centrist Kadima party for quite some time.

Anyway, he’s running to take over the country again, and change course from the cede-territory-to-the-Palestinians crowd who have been in control so far this decade.

Wait a minute, did somebody say “change”?

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On the left: Obama. On the right: Benja-Bama.

Yup, he completely copied Obama’s campaign website.

The NYTIMES reports:

Mr. Netanyahu is positioning himself as the candidate of new ideas both for Israel itself and for peace with the Palestinians.

The ideas revolve around economic opportunities, aides say, cutting red tape to improve the Palestinian economy; building peace from the ground up, not the top down; and improving life in Israel with a bold domestic agenda involving improved education, economic growth and personal security against increased crime.

The aides are convinced that negotiations with Palestinian leaders will lead nowhere and that the best steps Israel can take, as it waits for Palestinian attitudes to change, involve building the Palestinian economy. Ms. Livni has vowed to continue the talks with the Palestinians, which she is helping to lead.

Mr. Netanyahu’s aides add that just as the Obama campaign linked Mr. McCain to President Bush, they plan to label Ms. Livni as a continuation of the status quo and Mr. Netanyahu as the candidate of change.

“Yes he can,” one aide said, with a touch of self-parody. “He believes he is the guy who can do it.”

Our trusty tipster C. Dave sent us this link via ANDREW SULLIVAN, who says that “The Obama web campaign will be copied and copied and copied again. Because its structure is exactly where media and campaigning are headed.”

Nothing wrong with that, of course. But lifting the whole web design is a little weak…

That’s not change. That’s more of the same!!

Filed under Power & Politics, Smiles Tagged with ,

TN columnist firmly entrenched in 20th century

November 10, 2008 Leave a Comment

Scroll to the end for a potentially disturbing UPDATE.

Via ROMANESKO, we learned this morning about a delightful column by the MURFREESBORO (Tennessee) POST’s columnist Stephen Lewis.

It’s tough to know where to begin with this one. How about here:

Even so, history has been made as the first black president has been elected. I still don’t get it though. If Obama has a black father and white mother isn’t he every bit as much white as he is black? Was his father blacker than his mother was white? Didn’t Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney sing about this over 20 years ago? “Ebony and Ivory, lives together in perfect harmony.” My hope is that eventually both races will be able to celebrate in his accomplishments.

First of all, you idiot, that horribly cheesy song does NOT assert that racism is over and that we all now live in racial harmony. It makes the “point” that black and white keys peacefully coexist on a piano keyboard and asks “Why don’t we?” do the same.

Well, apparently we don’t live together in perfect harmony like ebony and ivory because of people like this asshole, Stephen Lewis, who apparently still lives in the 1970s, with his opinions on racial issues thoroughly intact from that era.

Secondly, it was Stevie Wonder. Not Michael Jackson. I guess to Stephen Lewis, all black entertainers look alike…


Breaking news from Stephen Lewis: This guy isn’t REALLY black.

For generations, white bigots defined a person with even 1/8th black ancestry as black. Ever heard of an octaroon? In fact, some views held that ONE DROP of African blood made a person fit to be enslaved.

Thankfully, we live in more enlightened times – but backward douchebags like Stephen Lewis have decided to flip the script, and belittle the historical election of a non-white president by suddenly finding it super noteworthy that Obama’s mother is white.

Oh, it gets so much worse. Dr. Rishi K. Saxena was a Democratic candidate for Congress in Middle Tennessee. He’s a doctor who has lived in the state for 15 years; he has a thriving practice and two kids who have grown up as native Tennesseeans.

On Tuesday, Dr. Saxena got thoroughly thumped by the incumbent, Rep. Donna Rowland, who carried 65% of the vote. Somehow, this isn’t enough for A #1 asscaptain Stephen Lewis.

What about this fellow who ran for state representative, Dr. Rishi Saxena? I’m not sure where he’s from but I’m pretty sure it’s not Rutherford County. From what I read about him he has some very good ideas. My advice to him would be to work on perfecting his southern accent. I’m not talking about southern Bangladesh either. And if he can’t sound southern, he could at least throw in a few y’alls and a couple fixin’ to’s every once in a while.

Yeah, Macaca, welcome to Murfreesboro and the REAL America!!!!

Stephen “The Worst Journalist in Murfreesboro, and Possibly The World” Lewis was unsatisfied that Dr. Saxena merely lost, so he takes the opportunity to kick him when he’s down by questioning his legitimacy to represent Tennessee. Stay classy, Stephen Lewis.

For his final act, this jerkoff decides to deliver a SUPER relevant song parody that’s gonna get to the heart of the matter with satire. What’s an appropriate theme song for Barack Obama’s 21st century presidency? Stephen Lewis dug through his five-page dossier on “All Things Black” and came out with “The Jeffersons”. Of course! A TV theme song from a 30 year old show. Why didn’t we think of this ourselves??

I’m so confident in his success that I wrote a song about it and would like to present it to all Post readers as my “Ode to President Obama.” I do apologize to those of you who are under 30 years of age since you probably won’t “get it.” However, if you will tune into TV Land you can catch the opening of The Jeffersons and it may make more sense to you. And remember, if this offends you, your man got elected. So really you have the last laugh.

(Sung by Obama to the theme song of “The Jeffersons”):

“Well we’re movin’ on up,
To Washington, D.C.
To a deee-luxe pimp pad,
Painted whiiiite.
Yeah we’re movin’ on up,
To the White House.
I’ll be jetting with P. Diddy cross the sky.

McCain can’t score on the east coast,
Palin was just a cute, cheap thrill.
Took a whole lot of campaign promises,
To take over Capitol Hill.
Now we’re livin’ in the White House
Chewin’ on the government fat.
As long as we here
It’s tax, tax, tax!
Ripping off the rich fat cats!

Well we’re movin’ on up
To the big time.
To a dee-luxe sweet crib
That’s just too fly.
Moooovin’ on up
To D.C.
I finally showed McCain I’m the guy!”

Thank you! I’m here all week. Try the veal.

The real point of this posting is not that you should get all outraged over this, demand this guy’s resignation or bandy this about as proof that racism is real.

The point is, this guy is living in the past, he’s not talented, not funny and he’s used a valuable opportunity to speak to the public to air a bunch of bigoted comments. Ultimately, he’s just embarrassing himself.

Commenter “JC1″ skewered Lewis quite skillfully:This column offends me as a journalist. Too many people in our profession are so insulated, so consumed with what amuses them and their cohorts in their newsrooms, that they fail to remember that they are writing for real people. This column is self-serving journalism at its worst – it serves no purpose other than to give one ignorant racist a forum for his childish, shameful humor. No reader is better off for having read this column, no point has been made, no purpose has been served at all. This is worthless journalism, another nail in the coffin of our profession. How can you expect the public to trust any of us if one of us is passing this type of opinion piece off as legitimate journalism?

Stephen Lewis, we officially invite you to go fuck yourself.

—-

UPDATE (3 PM): According to commenters on the original article posted on the Murfreesboro Post’s site, Stephen Lewis the jackass columnist MAY be the same Stephen Lewis who presides over the Rock Springs Elementary School in nearby La Vergne. Commenter “Fitzcomm” states, “I am sure. I called Rutherford County Schools.”

Principal Lewis has not yet returned an email seeking comment.

Filed under Power & Politics, Serious Business Tagged with , , , ,

An Audiobook of This Would Be Awesome

November 4, 2008 2 Comments

So, it’s election day…and until this evening the news crawl is going to be pretty slow.

(P.S. Ignore exit polls.)

Looking for some insight into the mind of the late-breaking voter?

We randomly found this blog post on Word Press in which an undecided voter from North Carolina finally makes up her mind.

This here’s Ginger, and she’s finally decided on Bob Barr.

Read on to find out why. This is so much more enjoyable when read aloud. The word “mellifluous” comes to mind.

I’m a North Carolina white woman, born to parents that both grew up in Southern baptist homes, in what used to be a small town, so I’m (naturally) a registered Republican. All of us are, y’all. The only time I EVER voted for a Democrat was when Jimmy Carter was runnin’ and that was because he was so Baptist and so southern, plus he reminded my Grandma Gladys of her Papa Green, so how could I not? It turned out to be a big mistake, with all those long gas lines and all, so I’ve been stickin’ with the straight Republican ticket ever since.

I have to hang my head when I admit that I voted for George W. I am sorry and I hope y’all will accept my heartfelt apologies. But, here’s the thing. I don’t think George, Jr. is really a Republican. Naw, really. I think he’s fakin’ it. I think he’s a closet liberal, who’s helped out his rich oil buddies by startin’ wars. I even think he might have sold his soul to the World Bankers, and those One World Government Illuminati types that just want to make enough money to be able to live in fancy caves underground, when the rest of us go up in the mushroom clouds.

So now I don’t feel like I can trust the Republicans anymore. I miss Ronnie Reagan. I wish he was still around to tell me one of his grandfatherly stories about how little Suzie in the third grade in Indiana needs new shoes and how my vote could help her get some cute pink and white Nikes. Without his help, I can’t seem to find my way anymore.

I wanted to be able to get behind one of the mainstream canidates.

John McCain is supposed to be conservative, but I got a feelin’ that he’s only pretendin’ to be, so all the conservative Christians will vote for him. I’m grateful that he went to war and fought for us and all. All that military experience will come in handy. His wife sure is a looker with all that perfectly coifed blonde hair. I was excited when he chose Sarah Palin, instead of some old-timey senator like Obama got. Sarah seems so down-homey and apple pie-ish, that it’s real hard not to just love her to death. But when McCain debated Obama, he looked real scary, y’all. He kept repeatin’ the same thing over and over, like some kind of scratched up little ol’ 45 record. I practically got the vapors from watchin’ it.

I absolutely loved some of Obama’s speeches. That stuff he said about his Grandma reduced me to tears. He’s so eloquent, and young, and handsome. His wife, Michelle, is cute as a button, too, with her fist-bumpin’ and all that jazz. I love that he is neither black, nor white, and yet he is both. I understand why so many people support him. But I was disappointed when he chose Biden. Biden is so old and outta touch, and so ingrained in the system that Obama says he wants to change. I wanted him to choose Hilary. Also, the whole Acorn business scares me. So does that Jeremiah preacher-man. All that hollerin’ from the pulpit got on my Baptist nerves. Now, I’m smart enough to realize he’s prolly not a Muslim, but his reputation as the most liberal senator, plus the fact that he voted “present” instead of actually standing up for anything goes against my upbringing, I reckon.

Then they both lost me over that big bailout deal. I mean, come on already! If either one of the two of them had stood up to George Bush and The Fed and just said NO to giving HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS of DOLLARS WE DON’T EVEN HAVE to the banks, then that canidate would have had my vote, right then and there, y’all. When McCain annouced that he was suspendin’ his campaign and runnin’ back to Washington, my heart was all a-twitter. I thought he was going to act all Reaganish and stand up to them-there big bankers. I thought, “Here’s his big chance to show the world how a REAL Republican is supposed to act and show everyone that he’s not going to stand for another four years of George Bush’s nonsence.”

I still can’t believe that both candidates, Obama the eloquent Liberal, and McCain the war hero Quasi-Conservative, voted exactly the same on gettin’ us even further into debt. McCain should have been against it on the general principle of wanting smaller government, and a balanced budget, like every Republcan in the history of the world has ever talked about. And Obama should have said, “Whoa, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute, if we’re gonna borrow this kind of money, let’s bail out the homeowners and throw in some programs to help out the poor folks, y’all.”

So I voted for Bob Barr. He’s the Libertarian that’s runnin’. He was flatly against the bail out, and he’s all about cuttin’ taxes, reducin’ government spending and restorin’ our civil liberties lost during the Bush administration.The media ignores him, so almost nobody has even heard of him. I’m fully aware of the fact that he’s not going to win. I know my vote won’t count for much. But I did it because I feel we need another choice. I figure if enough people vote for these Libertarians, then maybe the media will sit up and take notice some day.

[...]

Plus, he’s from Georgia, y’all. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Now everyone do like Ginger – make up your minds and go vote.

Filed under Power & Politics Tagged with , , ,

1-877-MI-CHANGE – file under “electile dysfunction”

October 29, 2008 Leave a Comment

Tis the season for political mailers, and if you’re in any kind of swing state or competitive congressional district, you’re no doubt besieged with them. Well, if you live in Michigan, you might want to check them out, because the Democratic Party is pimping more than their candidates.

NPR reports:

The Democratic Party of Michigan passed out a flier with two applications for absentee ballots in an effort to get people to vote early. The flier included photos of Barack Obama and Sen. Carl Levin, and a number for a Democratic campaign hot line. Unfortunately for Democrats, the number was really hot: The party mistakenly gave the number for a phone sex line.

Turns out the number they MEANT to print was 888-MI-CHANGE. Oops.

EXAMINER.COM cracks wise on this and another phone-sex related election news item:

The Michigan Democratic State Central Committee circulated the notices, which featured likenesses of Barack Obama and U.S. Senator Carl Levin.

Whew, two things I never wanted to hear in the same conversation: Carl Levin and phone sex.

In California, where one expects this sort of inanity, a staff worker for Republican congressional candidate Zane Starkewolf (now that would be a great porn name) recorded a ‘robo-call’ in hopes of calling attention to incumbent opponent Mike Thompson’s voting record.

The female staffer – in a dusky, risqué tone – begins her robo-message by saying, “Mike Thompson has been a bad boy.”

Congressman Thompson’s campaign called the tactic a “sophomoric and tasteless prank… it’s incredible that someone would waste voters’ time with this drivel.”

[screengrabs from WJBK-TV DETROIT]

Filed under Power & Politics, Schadenfreude Tagged with , ,

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