Associated Press Disses Hamels, Babymama

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The Associated Press reports:

PHILADELPHIA — Philadelphia Phillies starter Cole Hamels left the ballpark with his wife, a former “Survivor” contestant, who was in labor with the couple’s first child.

Hamels gave up four runs and seven hits in five innings against the Colorado Rockies in Game 2 on Thursday. He left after throwing 82 pitches and rushed out of the dugout when he was pinch-hit for in the fifth inning.

Hamels said this week his wife was due “any day.”

Hamels’ wife, Heidi, also posed for Playboy.

That is some cold shit, Associated Press! Not only does this item make Hamels look like he wasn’t focusing on his team’s playoff game…it calls his wife out for naked modeling at the end for no reason.

“Yo Hamels, AP called, they said your wife’s a tramp and you sir, are guilty of extreme uxoriousness!”

That’s not cool, AP. While we can’t entirely endorse Hamels’ preoccupied play and shameful flight from the ballgame, the crack on his wife for her Playboy gig was not well worded.

At all.

Hopefully this will turn into an internet meme and a cataclysm of overreactional outrage will manifest itself to my great amusement!

Even the crazed denizens of the “Conversation” were unanimous in their outrage:

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We Warned You, Lady!

In what is quickly becoming an incessant whine, we are forced to continue castigating politicians who invoke baseball to achieve self-serving ends. You’d think they’d listen to us, what with our booming mouthpiece averaging 150 hits a week. But noooooo…

In yet another example of “going rogue,” Sarah Palin decided to disregard our advice. And she got booed.

God bless the citizens of Erie, PA for this swift justice!

The LA TIMES reports on “A swing and a miss in Erie.”

It was a throwaway line meant to be a crowd-pleaser. But it fell flat.

On Thursday at a rally in Erie, Pa., Sarah Palin touted the victors in the World Series to thousands of supporters. “I am thrilled to be here in the home state of the world-champion Philadelphia Phillies,” Palin said.

The crowd booed.

Philadelphia is a seven-hour drive from Erie, which is in the state’s far west. Erie’s baseball devotions are split between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Cleveland Indians. (Pittsburgh and Cleveland are about two hours away.)

Palin has been booed by Pennsylvania sports fans before. Earlier this month, the Republican vice presidential candidate was loudly heckled at a Philadelphia Flyers game.

What were you thinking, Palin? Would you give props to the Anchorage Bucs while stumping in Fairbanks, home of the Alaska Goldpanners?? Of course not!

Then why go out of your way to piss off (already wicked ornery) western Pennsylvanians by rubbing in their face that the liberal side of the state just took home a title, while the sorry Pirates traded their best players this season and got poop sandwiches in return?

Politicians, stay away from baseball. It’s in everyone’s best interest.

Pull your dick out of your heart! Oates to the rescue!

When Philly made the World Series, summoning Hall & Oates to sing the national anthem was a no-brainer. Incredibly, this didn’t happen until Game 5, when Daryl Hall was chosen to belt out The Star-Spangled Banner. (Tampa’s opening play? The Backstreet Boys, a solid 5 years past their expiration date.)

While Hall’s solo act was definitely preferable to, say, DJ Jazzy Jeff spinning some national anthem beats, or Double Dutch Bus songster Frankie Smith rapping the SSB, ROTI was a little bummed that John Oates wasn’t going to be there to perform…as web series Yacht Rock definitively proved, he’s by far the superior member of H&O.

Well, surprise surprise, as the curtain rose on Game 5, Hall was nowhere to be found, and Oates belted out our proud anthem to the delight of all Philadelphians! Wearing a boss commemorative jacket, no less!

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Turns out Hall caught a cold, and like the puss he is, called in sick. MLB.COM has the story of Oates’ heroic cross-continental journey to save the day in Philly:

PHILADELPHIA — Daryl Hall was scheduled to perform the national anthem prior to Game 5 of the World Series Monday night, but after he came down with the flu, he turned to his longtime friend and bandmate John Oates for a pinch-hit appearance, so to speak.

Oates, one half of the hit band Hall and Oates that reached its peak in the 1970s and ’80s, lives in Aspen year-round and received a frantic call from their manager around 8 a.m. Monday morning, pleading with the singer to hop on the first flight to Philadelphia to sing the anthem.

“At 8 o’clock, my wife starts shaking me and goes, ‘You’ve got to go to Philadelphia,” Oates said, an hour before he was scheduled to perform. “I thought she was kidding me. I thought she was just trying to get me out of bed. Then she said, ‘No, no, Daryl got sick and you have to sing the national anthem at the World Series. I’m like really? I said, ‘OK.’”

Turns out, that was easier said than done. Every flight out of Aspen connects in Denver, and his flight, which was scheduled to leave Denver at noon, was delayed.

“I said, ‘That’s it, I’m not going to make it,’” he said. “We were cutting it close as it was, I was supposed to arrive at 6. Then I saw a flight that was leaving in 20 minutes for Philadelphia. I said, ‘Can I get on?’”

There was one seat left — a middle seat, no less — and Oates pounced.

“I guess it was meant to be,” he said.

Oates, who grew up 25 miles north of Philadelphia in North Wales, had plans to watch the World Series, but from his couch, not in person.

“I was actually looking forward to watching Daryl sing,” he said. “I was quite happy to stay home and watch the game on TV. But now I’m in it and it’s fantastic. It’s very exciting.”

This isn’t the first time Oates has been asked to fill in. He performed the anthem at a Denver Nuggets game a while back after the original act had canceled.

“Exact same circumstance,” Oates said. “I got a call in the morning that someone was supposed to sing it and couldn’t make it. I guess I’m the designated pinch-hitter. They called me down, and I went on.”

It’s likely that night didn’t compare to Game 5 of the World Series, however. On a cold and blustery night at Citizens Bank Park, Oates provided a flawless rendition of the anthem, sparking a thunderous ovation from the sellout crowd.

What is wrong with the anthem-singer-pickers at various sports stadia? John Oates ain’t no second-stringer!

Though, it must be said, we miss his epic ‘stache terribly…

oates stache

Manny Being Clueless

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In an ESPN story about Manny Ramirez’s quest for a new, blockbuster contract, we noticed this amusing quote (emphasis added):

There could be a Manny Ramirez sequel in Hollywood if a blockbuster deal can be worked out.

The Los Angeles Dodgers will talk to the slugger’s agent, Scott Boras, and according to an SI.com report on Wednesday, average salary might not be an issue. The duration of the contract is another matter, however.

“We don’t have too many six-year deals,” Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti said, according to the Web site. Actually, nobody on the Dodgers has a six-year contract.

Ramirez has said publicly that he is looking for a long-term deal. Sources told SI.com that the Dodgers might be willing to pay Ramirez Alex Rodriguez-type money, but only for two years.

“We’ll know more after we sit down with Scott to gauge what’s happening and see if there’s some place we can meet in the middle,” Colletti said, according to the site.

After the Dodgers were eliminated by the Phillies in the NLCS, Ramirez said: “I want to see who is the highest bidder. Gas is up and so am I.

Oh really, Manny?? Gas is up? Tell that to the people who locked in winter heating fuel supplies this summer only to see prices plummet in the wake of the financial meltdown.

Or if we’re talking strictly price-at-the-pump, dig this chart:

Manny Being Economist isn’t going so well. Don’t quit your day job.

We Take It Back, Barack.

Recently, we blasted Sarah Palin for seeming to support both the Tampa Rays and Boston Red Sox during campaign stops in Florida and New Hampshire. More generally, we noted the lame-brained takes on baseball by politicians and urged them to leave MLB alone – with the exception of Barack Obama, who memorably ripped on Cubs fans for being lightweights when compared to fans of his White Sox.

However, we now have to place Obama on the list of double-dealing politicians who use baseball for their own personal ends. Politico reports, “Can’t lose: Obama backs Rays, Phillies.”

Barack Obama, campaigning in the key swing state of Florida, is seeking to capitalize on the excitement over the World Series-bound Tampa Bay Rays, telling a Tampa crowd he was “showing some love for the Rays,” several members of which joined him onstage.

Only problem?

Obama, a self-avowed Chicago White Sox fan, declared his allegiance earlier this month for the Rays’ National League opponent in baseball’s championship, the Philadelphia Phillies.

On Oct. 11, Obama told a crowd in the City of Brotherly Love — the biggest city on the key swing state of Pennsylvania: “My White Sox are gone, so I’ll go ahead and root for the Phillies now.”

Yet in Tampa on Monday afternoon, where he was introduced by Rays players Fernando Perez and David Price, Obama also seemed to express support for the Rays, telling the crowd that he had just met with several members of the team backstage.

“I have said from the beginning that I’m a unity candidate, bringing people together. So when you see a White Sox fan showing some love for the Rays and the Rays showing some love back, you know we’re onto something here,” Obama said.

He added that he considered cutting his hair in a Mohawk to show solidarity with the team’s players, but “My political advisers said they weren’t sure how that would play with swing voters.”

FOR SHAME Obama! Granted, you may have profited politically from a Rays/Phils series, with many citizens of swing states FL and PA now fixated on the October Classic and not on Bill Ayers, Joe the Plumber or what have you – but don’t front like a sports bigamist for votes. Politicians, we say again: leave baseball alone.

Time for McCain to order up some “Barack Hussein Obama only pretends to like our beloved ballclub until he’s in enemy territory!” robocalls, stat.

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