I haven’t done Facebook Roundups in a few months, so I’m compiling the best items from the ROTI Facebook Page into a series of posts for this weekend.

In this final entry, I offer you an assortment of superb articles and videos that will expand your mind and fertilize your soul.

There’s only one place to begin: A Liz Taylor tribute, and while we’re at it, a Paul Newman tribute as well. Two insanely talented actors who also happened to be ridiculously good looking. Rest in peace, you two.

The New York Review of Books is easily the best periodical known to man, and not just for its academic bitch-fights in the letters section, or the most erudite personal ads you’ll ever read. The consistently superb writing makes the NYRB well worth the price. A recent issue contained a Janet Malcolm review of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” that is hilarious, incisive, sensitive and thoughtful. It’s one of the best pieces of criticism that I’ve read in a long time.

Check out “Arms So Freezy,” a faux-academic analysis of Rebecca Black’s “Friday” as a radical text from The Awl. This is supremely well-done and hilarious.

She offers the camera a hostage’s smile, forced, false. Her smoky eyes suggest chaos witnessed: tear gas, rock missiles and gasoline flames. They paint her as a refugee of a teen culture whose capacity for real subversion was bludgeoned away somewhere between the atrocities of Kent State and those of the 1968 Democratic Convention, the start of a creeping zombification that would see youthful dissent packaged and sold alongside Pez and Doritos.

ROTI’s good friend The Business Casual turned up this matrix of Alfred Hitchcock death scenes. Shit gets real around the 2 minute mark.

This article, A Declaration of Cyber War, is the most interesting thing I’ve read about the Stuxnet virus — said of be of Israeli origin, and alleged to have derailed Iranian nuclear development.

If you find the Bernie Madoff story as fascinating as I do, you will certainly enjoy this article called The Madoff Tapes. The author managed to communicate with the criminal mastermind behind bars.

Mr. Plinkett’s Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith review completes a trilogy of brilliant efforts, ten times more entertaining than the films that they savage.

Check out this great edition of the always essential This American Life, entitled “DIY“.

“The Great Gatsby” as an 8-bit NES game. Surprisingly fun!

Goodnight Dune — this is ingenious.

Finally, Vladimir Putin will sing us off with his rendition of “Blueberry Hill.”

If you enjoyed this compilation, then join us at our page on Facebook, where good stuff like this is posted daily.

We’ve been posting a bunch of great links and videos on the Rumors on the Internets Facebook page.

If you’re not in the posse, or you have soooo many friends that you can’t keep track of all the updates, here’s what you missed over the past few weeks.

This absolutely glorious montage of Nic Cage losing his shit.

“Wonderland Mafia,” a superb blend of Three 6 Mafia and Alice in Wonderland, was created by Lindsay Scoggins. Nils Coq au Vin came up with this gem.

Vladimir Putin hosted a tiger convention at which he praised Leonardo DiCaprio as a “real man.”

A dude in Wisconsin shot up his TV because he was so appalled by the inverse correlation between Bristol Palin’s dance ability and her success on “Dancing with the Stars.”

Wednesday Addams taught us the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

We mourned the passing of Irvin Kershner, director of “The Empire Strikes Back.” His contributions to that film were critical to its success — while George Lucas created groundbreaking special effects, Kershner focused on the acting and the story — two things that I think are kind of important, although Lucas may disagree. By commissioning a new script from Lawrence Kasdan and thoroughly rehearsing the actors, allowing them to develop the characters further, Kershner played a key role in turning “Empire” into a movie masterpiece.

C. Dave sent us over this video of a Cornell professor flying into a rage after a student emits an audible yawn.

We found an amazing package deal on Amazon.com — Call of Duty 4 and a re-usable adult diaper for one low price when purchased together!

This old gem resurfaced on Youtube — the 1986 Celtics in an advertisement for a local Boston restaurant. Don’t get between Robert Parish and a lobster!

Sometimes cat humor is pretty annoying, but this video is a welcome exception. Cats and humans can sometimes combine to form a pretty strong comedy team.

Let’s wind things up with a couple of awesome tunes — one brand new song from Gorillaz, and a classic song from Devo.

If you want a daily fix of ROTI goodness, I highly suggest you join our Facebook page today. Cheerio!

Vladimir Putin, de facto Czar of Russia, never fails to disappoint ROTI when we turn to him for some quality lulz.

Putin has been a total genius recently, and I thought it best to chronicle his most entertaining hijinks for everyone here to enjoy.

But first, allow me to set the tone with some Soviet background music.

Okay, let’s do this!

Putin is a dog lover — he already owns an 11-year-old black Lab named Koni. He once mocked George W. Bush’s Scottish terrier by saying “My dog is bigger, stronger and faster than Barney.”

On a recent trip to Bulgaria to sign a massive gas deal, Putin was presented with a Bulgarian shepherd. He’s still considering what to name it. I recommend “Vladimir 2.”

This amazing .gif is courtesy of one of my new favorite sites, Fuck Yeah Russian Politics, which also connected me to this video of the occasion.

The dog WINKS 34 seconds in! I guess he knows that he just hit the dog-owner jackpot.

So what did you do on your vacation? Sit on a beach, read a book? Maybe you are some kind of economic girly-man who took a “Staycation” and cleaned leaves out of your gutters.

Vladimir Putin spent his holiday riding a mighty stallion across the tundra of Siberia, then fed it carrots while letting the cameras drink in his burly frame, topless.

That’s why he rules Russia and you don’t even rule your own TV remote.

The photo below totally looks like a Photoshop job. It isn’t!

The owner of Renault brought this F1 racer with him to Russia, paying fealty to the great Putin while buying a stake in a Russian car company.

Putin hit the track and cranked this bad mother up to 240 km/h (about 150 mph).

Putin emerges from the scrub brush after sniping a few pesky journalists.

As a judo expert, Putin knows all about kicking the crap out of others. When Putin goes to a bare-knuckle fight, he usually calls his buddy Jean Claude Van Damme.

JCVD is always trying to impress Putin with tall tales about how he won the Kumite even though he was temporarily blinded by Chong Li.

Silly JCVD. Putin knows that was just a movie.

Afterwards, the thoughtful and supportive Putin extends some kind words to the fighters who didn’t fare so well. JCVD could never muster that kind of compassion.

Putin got on this speedboat and roared across Olga Bay in pursuit of an endangered gray whale. Once he got it in his sights, he started blasting away with his crossbow. After only a few tries, he hit his mark like a boss, tagging the rare creature with a tracking device.

Only Vladimir Putin can make saving endangered species a badass activity.

When a reporter asked, “Mr. Putin, isn’t it risky to do this kind of thing?” he laughed in his face and replied, “Living in general is dangerous.”

Putin jumped in this submarine and dove 1 mile under the surface of Lake Baikal to study some natural gas seepage.

While below, he made a bunch of stupid fart jokes. The crew laughed uproariously because no Russian is foolish enough to fail to laugh at one of Putin’s jokes.

Putin doesn’t like to make all his money from oil and gas. He also likes to sell cars. Here’s Putin promoting a car from the Russian auto industry.

Year end tent event at the Moscow Avtovas dealership! COME ON DOWN!

Putin tranquilized and measured a polar bear. Just ’cause he felt like it that day.

This summer, Russia was beset by a series of horrible wildfires. Putin went into action, piloting a firefighting plane that scooped up water and then sprayed it to douse the inferno.

Opposition leaders attacked Putin, claiming that his policies were partially responsible for the fire outbreaks. Yup, just keep talking, opposition leaders. The next fire will be in your apartments.

This one is my favorite. We’re expected to believe that this depicts Putin and his wife at home participating in the Russian census. As if Putin really lives in such drab surroundings!

I have it on good authority that the second this photoshoot ended, Putin peaced out, jumped into a chopper (with Koni the dog as copilot) and headed off to a wintry fortress where he partied with his mistress and an ABBA cover band.

Hippies everywhere are in agony: the skeptics of anthropogenic global warming have loaded their rhetorical quivers with stolen emails from the East Anglia Climate Research Unit.

Many are calling the email evidence “Climate-gate,” but I think people who affix “-gate” to every scandal are part of a scandalous confederacy of dunces that I like to call Watergate-was-not-a-scandal-involving-water-you-idiots!-gate.

The now-notorious emails don’t prove that anthropogenic (human-caused) global warming is a hoax, as some have asserted; but they are extremely bad publicity for the climate-change lobby on the eve of an epic summit in Copenhagen.

With the global economy in shambles, the appetite for a tax on carbon (don’t give me this “cap and trade is a free market” nonsense) has waned in the United States; meanwhile, rising powers like China and India are loath to arrest their growing fossil fuel consumption.

But one country stands to benefit not only from maintaining the global energy status quo, but potentially from global warming itself: Russia, a major purveyor of fossil fuels that would be able to unlock vast fuel deposits in the Arctic Circle if ice melting trends continue apace.

They wouldn’t mind if those notorious Russian winters eased up a little, either.

That’s why it’s really no surprise that the hackers who stole emails from the East Anglia CRU were very likely on the payroll of the Russian Federal Security Service (FSB).

Guess who was the first director of the FSB, after it rose from the ashes of the KGB? The same guy who still pulls the strings there and everywhere else in Russia: Vladimir Freaking Putin.

Don’t you get it, people?! Putin masterminded the whole thing to derail the Copenhagen conference and increase his vast oil wealth!

Hippies 0, Putin 1,000,000!

Is the climatology scandal really that big of a deal?

Scientifically: not really. Politically: possibly.

A revved-up James Fallows dissects Page One stories from the NY Times and Washington Post on the topic, noting that the NYT frames the issue in terms of “science vs. ignorance,” while the WaPo is fixated on the “-gate” style scandal and gives equal time to the skeptics.

Fallows thinks this is a case-study-level example of crappy journalism on the part of the WaPo. But as ROTI tipster C. Dave (who forwarded Fallows’ article along) points out, the NYT is addressing the issue to its global audience of intellectual citizens, while the WaPo is reporting from its position as the pre-eminent source for Washington political news.

This issue SHOULD be seen differently through those disparate lenses, because it impacts very differently in each sphere.

As ALWAYS, Jon Stewart and his Daily Show crew delivered one of the more incisive looks at the matter:

Anyone who takes a hard, serious look at the substance of the climate controversy [I don't want to belabor the issue since it's not exactly breaking news, but here is a good overview] can see that the hacked emails don’t debunk anthropogenic global warming. They merely reveal top climate scientists speaking frankly about their efforts to assert their arguments in the intellectual realm. There’s nothing wrong with that.

However, the stolen emails ARE news because they indirectly raise concerns about the anthropogenic global warming consensus that lies behind the Copenhagen conference, the Waxman-Markey cap and trade bill pending before the US Congress, and all other efforts to squelch carbon emissions worldwide.

Some scientists arguing that human-caused global warming presents a threat to human life and civilization have played fast and loose with the facts before. Take the notorious “hockey stick graph,” which received prominent play in the work of Al Gore and the UN International Panel on Climate Change’s influential reports:

The “hockey stick” appeared to show that temperatures were skyrocketing at an unprecedented pace. Unfortunately for the scientists and politicians that promoted it, it turned out to be based on cherry-picked data. Most notably, it denies the existence of the Medieval Warm Period, which is supported by significant evidence (but does not, it’s important to note, disprove anthropogenic warming either).

What I find most bothersome about the hockey stick graph, when taken in concert with the leaked emails, is that scientists who had questions about the graph were given a gigantic runaround by the researchers who promoted it.

Their concerns later turned out to be entirely legitimate.

The emails demonstrate efforts by the East Anglia scientists to not just disprove but effectively crush the opposition, by leading vocal protests against any peer-reviewed publications that dared run skeptical papers, and by elbowing those papers out of consideration in IPCC discussions.

Since the case for marshaling all of humanity’s resources to battle anthropogenic global warming is so often based on a supposedly rock-solid scientific consensus that only a creationist or nincompoop would question, it is somewhat disturbing to note an apparent pattern among some top climatologists to squelch dissenting voices and to refuse to share the data upon which their conclusions are based.

While there is clearly a strong scientific consensus that has coalesced around the argument that man’s carbon contributions to the atmosphere are accelerating a warming effect that threatens the environmental status quo, this is not the same thing as DEFINITIVE PROOF that carbon emissions will kill us all. In this context, treating skeptics as lunatics or charlatans is no way to conduct good science.

I firmly agree with Marc Ambinder’s take on the matter:

Climate change scientists aren’t blameless. The future of planet earth is at stake, and while the evidence is on their side, they’ve also conceived of and executed a public relations campaign to convince the public and policymakers of the urgency of the problem. In doing so, they’ve simplified conclusions, at times, or deliberately pointed to worst case scenarios when the middle of the bell curve would do just fine. The science has remained cumulative and solid, but the selling of this science hasn’t — and that, if anything else, fuels the critics.

Ultimately, the East Anglia email controversy is significant because it reveals that top climate scientists are not perfect, and that their arguments should not be accepted with unthinking obeisance.

More importantly, though, it has lit a fire under those who want to see the Copenhagen talks fail. That’s why the East Anglia computers were hacked, and that’s why certain emails were cherry-picked to cause a maximum firestorm.

Passing laws in the United States to combat global warming will not be an easy task…to say nothing of convincing still-developing superpowers like China and India to scale back their emissions. Scientific consensus does not equate with political consensus, even at a time when there is significant evidence for anthropogenic warming. The leaked emails go right for the soft spot of the political case.

Ambinder, again:

Domestically, it is going to be difficult for the administration to convince Congress to take another vote on climate change legislation in 2010. In mounting a campaign against the Waxman-Markey cap-and-trade bill in the House, the business lobby was very successful in scaring the bejeezus out of moderate Democrats. Today, they argue that cap-and-trade legislation amounts to a “tax” and that India or China — which won’t have to curb its emissions by the same magnitude — will steal hundreds of thousands of U.S. jobs.

Dealing in probabilities here, is it preferable to accept a short-term anchor on economic growth in order to improve the health of the commons? Is this a political sustainable vote? It is not clear whether, in 2010, there are enough Democrats who will say yes. That’s one reason why Congress will probably wait until the economy improves.

If the leaked emails turn just a few “yes”es to “no”es, it’s a big win for the status quo.

This is what happens when the liberal West tries to take on Czar Vladimir and his army of digital ninjas...

The UN’s IPCC is obviously reeling from this PR firestorm at what they hoped to be their finest hour.

Putin’s cyber spies stuck it to them when they least expected it; Russia had supposedly taken a more accepting stance on global warming in recent months.

They have wasted no time fingering a suspect for the hacking mischief that has distracted the world from the effort to cut carbon emissions:

The computer hack, said a senior member of the Inter-governmental Panel on Climate Change, was not an amateur job, but a highly sophisticated, politically motivated operation. And others went further. The guiding hand behind the leaks, the allegation went, was that of the Russian secret services.

The leaked emails, which claimed to provide evidence that the unit’s head, Professor Phil Jones, colluded with colleagues to manipulate data and hide “unhelpful” research from critics of climate change science, were originally posted on a server in the Siberian city of Tomsk, at a firm called Tomcity, an internet security business.

The FSB security services, descendants of the KGB, are believed to invest significant resources in hackers, and the Tomsk office has a record of issuing statements congratulating local students on hacks aimed at anti-Russian voices, deeming them “an expression of their position as citizens, and one worthy of respect”. The Kremlin has also been accused of running co-ordinated cyber attacks against websites in neighbouring countries such as Estonia, with which the Kremlin has frosty relations, although the allegations were never proved.

“It’s very common for hackers in Russia to be paid for their services,” Professor Jean-Pascal van Ypersele, the vice chairman of the Inter-governmental Panel on Climate Change, said in Copenhagen at the weekend. “It’s a carefully made selection of emails and documents that’s not random. This is 13 years of data, and it’s not a job of amateurs.”

While the world warms, Russia hopes to reap the profits, both now and in the future.

Quoth Putin, “an increase of two or three degrees wouldn’t be so bad for a northern country like Russia. We could spend less on fur coats, and the grain harvest would go up.”

More importantly, he could unlock more black gold in the frozen tundra:

Much of Russia’s vast oil and gas reserves lie in difficult-to-access areas of the far North. One school of thought is that Russia, unlike most countries, would have little to fear from global warming, because these deposits would suddenly become much easier and cheaper to access.

It is this, goes the theory, that underlies the Kremlin’s ambivalent attitudes towards global warming; they remain lukewarm on the science underpinning climate change, knowing full well that if global warming does change the world’s climate, billions of dollars of natural resources will become accessible. Another motivating factor could be that Russia simply does not want to spend the vast sums of money that would be required to modernise and “greenify” Russia’s ageing factories.

Putin is a sly devil.

While we all drown in a horrific Waterworld dystopia, he will reap massive profits and build a giant yacht fueled by the tears of Chechens. He’ll sail the seas, listening to ABBA, cuddling with nubile models and occasionally nuking any interloper who comes near.

Global warming may destroy civilization, but rest assured, Putin will still triumph.

In an amazing photo essay at Foreign Policy, web editor Joshua Keating takes a look back at Russia’s most enduring political alliance – the bond between Russia’s neo-Czar Vladimir Putin and his protege, technocrat and current President Dmitry Medvedev.

Keating asks, “Vova and Dima 4eva?“

In related reporting at FP, the magazine has heard some rumblings of a feud between the two. It seems Putin is ready to take back the Presidency from his designated heir, and Medvedev might not be so down with that…

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev raised doubts Tuesday that he and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin were working together to determine who will run for president in 2012.

Speaking at the Valdai conference of Russia experts in Moscow, Medvedev responded to Putin’s comments last week, when the prime minister told attendees, “We’re people of the same blood, with the same political views,” referring to the president. “When it comes to 2012, we’ll work it out together.”

“We’ll have a test to see whether we have the same blood type,” said Medvedev, indicating that he might not be a fan of Putin’s aspirations to seek a third term so soon.

Georgetown University scholar Angela E. Stent, who attended both speeches, said that Medvedev’s comments introduced even greater ambiguity into the process and were a clear signal that the two Russian leaders were not on the exact same page.

“One comes away with the impression that anything could happen in 2012,” she said in an interview with The Cable from Moscow. “It’s definitely an open question.”

Piotr Dutkiewicz, director of the Institute for European Studies at Ottowa’s Carleton University, called in from Moscow to relay an additional Medvedev quote: “I have to take my own interests into account in the potential deal [about the 2012 elections],” the president said.

Dutkiewicz said that while it was probably too early to game out the election politics, Putin clearly has the upper hand because his political ratings are higher, but Medvedev has plenty of time to prove some successes on the ground and make a run.

“Putin has all the ties with oil and gas industry, so he controls the flow of money to the Russian Federation’s coffers,” Dutkiewicz added.

ROTI might be a little biased on this one – our obsession with Putin, the most entertaining leader in the world, is well documented – but I strongly urge Medvedev: don’t rock the boat, bro.

Just think of all the good times you dudes have had together…how can you possibly break up this dream team??

Here’s the duo jammin’ on the one while triple-fisting cocktails at a Kremlin hootenanny.

Putin is telling their dinner companion, “You best respect Dmitry, because he’s the reincarnation of a Buddhist goddess. I’m 100% serious. White Tara in the house! “

This is from the time that Putin and Medvedev made a surprise appearance at a rock concert.

No doubt they engaged in a big backstage argument about what truly constitutes an epic jam. While these two Russky leaders are in tune on a lot of issues, music is one place where they really diverge.

As ROTI has reported in the past, Putin is obsessed with the music of ABBA. Meanwhile, Medvedev loves Deep Purple and had them perform a concert for him in Moscow.

OK, I have to take Dmitry’s side on this one — “Smoke on the Water” is one of the dankest basslines of all time…but ABBA has put together some nice grooves too, like “Fernando” and “Gimme Gimme Gimme.”

Agree to disagree?

Here are the dudes on a little ski trip this past winter. Male bonding through sports is the best!

Putin is a certified badass athlete, having made his own judo video, among other exploits.

Medvedev is dorkier and less studly, but only in the context of Russian manliness — he works out for two hours a day.

Basically, either of these guys could kick my ass with one hand tied behind their backs. Then they’d hear you laugh at me and kick YOUR ass just to teach you a well-deserved lesson.

Bros’ night out! Here are the dudes hitting the town in Sochi, a Black Sea resort where they like to get their mack on.

These guys are an unstoppable combination when they set their sights on a toothsome dame. Putin is the alpha male, he’ll drop a few “negs” and act disinterested, while charming wingman Dmitry chats up the less attractive best friend..

Next thing the ladies know, they’re passing each other in the hallway after nailing one and preparing for round 2 with the other.

These guys aren’t too insecure to take a page from the playbook of other famous bros.

Here we see them cruising around in an electric car, a move they no doubt gleaned from the antics of the legendary Leo and his “Pussy Posse.” (Note: that article has a funny item about Susan Sarandon and her then-teen daughter Eva, who has now grown up into…quite a lady.)

However, even when these guys deign to offer a bro-homage, they still take it up a notch.

“We’ll see your electric car, di Caprio…and raise you an adorable Golden.”

Later that day, the homies let the immortal words of The Upper Crust dictate their leisure time activities…

“Croquet’s gay, golf is only OK.
Tennis is too strenuous, and that’s why we play bad…minton.”

There’s little doubt that Putin and Medvedev are among the world’s most inspirational BFFs.

Hopefully they won’t let a silly power struggle come between them…

Let’s face it, Medvedev seems cool and all, but know your role, man. Stay in your lane.

No matter who you are, it’s extremely inadvisable to step to Putin.

Who remembers the 2008 South Ossetia war?

It was the kerfuffle that happened during the Olympics.

Remember when Bush and Putin were checking out the opening ceremonies, and Putin’s all “Yo by the way I’m invading Georgia right now,” and Bush was like “WTF dude?” and Putin was basically all “Try and stop me you numbskull,” and Bush backed down…

The deal was essentially that Georgia, a smaller former republic of the USSR, was being a thorn in Putin’s side by getting all Westernized and trying to get into NATO, buddying up with the USA and possibly threatening to host a nuclear missile shield that could diminish Putin’s global might.

As if Putin is going to let this happen?

Naturally, he moved to squelch this threat and bring Georgian leader Mikheil Saakashvili down a peg.

He exploited the problem of two breakaway Georgian regions to foster unrest within Georgian borders…

By hook or by crook, he tricked the Georgians into invading one of the regions, South Ossetia – whether out of hubris or paranoia is still unclear.

Then, as soon as the Georgians advanced into Ossetia, Putin’s forces crushed them (see above) under the guise of protecting Russian peacekeepers. The Russian Navy blockaded the Georgian Black Sea ports and the Air Force bombed the Georgian interior.

Less than a week after Saakashvili gave the order to advance, his troops were routed, and the Russian army was occupying Georgian cities.

And that’s how the business gets done.

The Georgians withdrew, the Russians triumphed, and NATO observers thought that the Georgians started it, screwing everything up for Saakashvili’s bid to join their ranks.

Putin for the win!!

Anyway, this was a good six months and one Michael Phelps bong rip ago.

Water under the bridge, right? No!

Apparently some crap Georgian musicians are pissed and ready to speak their puny minds! With incredibly derivative disco!!

Still smarting from war with Russia six months ago, Georgians have picked a song for this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow that takes a swipe at Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

The disco song “We Don’t Wanna Put In” by Stefane & 3G was chosen late on Wednesday by a jury and public vote on Georgian television, and has already caused a stir on the Internet.

It promises to receive a cool reception in Moscow on May 12-16.

The English-language chorus runs:
“We don’t wanna put in,
Cuz negative move,
It’s killin’ the groove,
I’m gonna try to shoot in,
Some disco tonight,
Boogie with you.”

The band has not hidden the fact the song alludes to Putin, the ex-Russian president who evokes strong feelings in Georgia.

“Since we (Georgia) decided to take part, we need to send a message to Europe and first of all to Moscow,” song producer Kakha Tsiskaridze told Reuters on Thursday.

“The song is called “Put In” and its text carries a double meaning,” he said. “I think everyone will understand what we want to say. It’s important for us to say what Georgia wants to say as a country.”

Quite a political statement you made Kakha, a dumbass English-language song about how “negative move is killing the groove”?!

Your pathetic military strategy is what’s killing the groove, you crybabies!!

At least Putin now knows the Georgian people stand as one, defiantly ready to boogie.

Devastating, we’re sure.

What’s worse, the song is totally crap. Check it out if you don’t mind boring music…

Nice try Georgia, but maybe next time you decide to step to Putin, maybe you bring the stones to fight more than five days against a rickety ass Soviet army.

And certainly do not be trifling with a shite, trite disco song that bites.

You may think your little disco number is sending a message, well here’s a message for you straight from the man himself.

MC Putin.

Via intrepid correspondent C. Dave we have learned of a top-secret concert in a snowy Siberian fortress…

The musical guest was Australian cover band “Bjorn Again,” who are known for their faithful performances of ABBA classics.

The gig was booked in a mysterious fashion, and the band was transported for many hours from Moscow, with no knowledge of their whereabouts.

Before going onstage, they were strictly instructed not to directly engage the audience in any way.

Once they did hit the stage, the small audience was obscured by a gauzy curtain.

But according to the performers, they soon figured out who they were performing for…

It was…drum roll please…oh the hell with it, you obviously know who it’s gonna be…

Vladimir Putin!!

And a mysterious ladyfriend!

Here’s the amazing story from the UK’s TELEGRAPH:

Only nine people were at the gig, an operation so cloak and dagger that net curtains were erected between the stage and the seating to protect the privacy of Mr Putin and a female companion.

In what could deal a fatal blow to his hardman image, the politician belted out the lyrics to Honey Honey and danced with Kremlin officials to Super Trouper, as Kalashnikov-wielding guards patrolled the building.

Details emerged for the first time yesterday about the show which took place in the snowbound resort of Lake Valdai, nine hours outside Moscow, on January 22.

Bjorn Again’s founder, Rod Stephens, recalled: “I got a phone call before Christmas. The voice on the end of the phone said, ‘Kremlin… Russia… Moscow… we want your band’. I could tell that he was translating someone else’s words. I thought it was someone in the band winding me up and told them to send me an email.”

The offer, however, was deadly serious. The four band members and their crew flew to Moscow, where they were taken on a nine hour coach journey to the mystery location.

Jennifer Robb, who performs as Anni-Frid, said: “We arrived at a building which looked like a big stronghold with metal security gates. We had to put all our belongings through an X-ray machine. They took us to a guest house for the night and the next day we were taken for lunch at a canteen full of security guards and soldiers. The security was very tight and there were cameras everywhere. At one point I went outside to get some fresh air and there was a man with a machine gun who said something in Russian and made it very clear that I wasn’t allowed to wander anywhere on my own.

“The room where we performed had a stage with three sofas in front of it. That was it. Two of the sofas had white net curtains in front of them. The prime minister was sitting behind one of the curtains with a woman who was wearing a long, cream dress. She had short, fair hair. The prime minister was wearing a tuxedo and bow tie. The others were all men and wearing tuxedos too. They must have been security people.

“The prime minister didn’t stand but he and his wife, or whoever it was, were jigging about on the sofa and singing the words to Honey Honey. All his officials were singing away and doing a finger-pointing dance. They really got into it, even though there were only nine of them. At the end, the prime minister shouted ‘bravo, bravo’ and gave us great applause.”

The running order included singalong hits Waterloo, Money, Money, Money, Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia. Miss Robb said: “It was the most bizarre gig I have ever done. At first it was a little scary and we did feel a bit vulnerable at times because we didn’t know where we were, but in the end it was an amazing experience and definitely one to tell the grandchildren.”

After a breakfast of beetroot, they were escorted back to the airport. Mr Putin paid £20,000 for the hour-long show. “I wish I’d asked for twice as much now,” Mr Stephens said.

Time for a musical interlude!

We’d never heard of what’s apparently Putin’s favorite ABBA song, “Honey Honey,” so here it is performed by the original Swedish superstars!

“I’d heard about you before…I wanted to know some more…and now I know what they mean – you’re a love machine!”

That pretty much sums up our feelings towards Prime Minister Putin here at ROTI…

Of course, Putin totally denies that this ever took place:

Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov reacted after the London-based Bjorn Again, a long-established act that imitates 1970s pop super-group ABBA, said it had put on a show, cloaked in secrecy, for Putin…

“I can tell you officially and for sure Vladimir Putin never took part in any concert of the kind. He wasn’t there,” Peskov said.

However the musicians’ manager, Rod Stephen, said he was in little doubt about whom the concert was for, and one of the band’s singers said she saw Putin himself at the performance.

“It was quite obvious where Mr Putin was sitting,” Aileen McLaughlin, who doubles for blonde ABBA vocalist Agnetha Faltskog, told AFP by phone from London.

“I got a glimpse of his face in the lights.”

Stephen, also speaking by phone from London, said the band had been told beforehand that the show was for Putin.

We know one thing for sure, it definitely wasn’t the other top Kremlin official, Putin’s minion Dmitri Medvedev – because his tastes are a lot harder rocking. In fact, Medvedev ordered up a personal Deep Purple concert last year!

The more we learn about the Russian dictatorship, the more we love it.

One final item. It’s possible that Putin is denying the secret Bjorn Again concert took place on his watch because he doesn’t want to look soft.

Or it might be because he is continuing to step out on his wife with super hot, Olympic-medal-winning Russian gymnast Alina Kabaeva!

Look, if you ordered up a secret ABBA concert for your goomah and your posse, would you want your wife and the world to know about it?

We didn’t think so.

“Hey baby, wanna join me at my dacha for some vodka shots and a little Bjorn Again??”

It’s time again to give it up to Vladimir Putin!

Michael Dell asked a wicked condescending question to Putin at the Davos Economic Forum.

It basically boiled down to: I’m astonished that a repressive dictator like yourself would have some of the bright ideas you do, so tell me, how many computers should I sign you up for?

Except he posed as, how can we HELP?

Yo Putin, I’m shocked I agree with you, take my Vista branded computers, please!!

Fortune magazine cringed,

Big mistake. Russia has been allergic to offers of aid from the West ever since hundreds of overpaid consultants arrived in Moscow after the collapse of Communism, in 1991, and proceeded to hand out an array of advice that proved, at times, useless or dangerous.

Putin delivered a rhetorical judo chop.

“The thing is, we don’t need any help!

We aren’t invalids. We don’t have limited mental capacity!

People with disabilities should be helped. Pensioners should be helped.

Developing countries should be helped.”

He then went on a long tirade about how rich countries are stingy, unlike his munificent hand, and how awesome Russia’s computer technology is, because they got internets in Siberia and stuff.

_

And furthermore, he will have you know that Russian mathematicians are the awesomest, and quite frankly their programmers are pretty kickass too, and even our Indian friends would agree! The audience laughed.

Then Putin turned to Dell with a grin and said “Oh yeah and by the way bitch, we don’t just make hardware like your sorry ass, we make righteous software, which everyone knows is more impressive. Die slow Michael Dell!!!”

That may not be exactly what he said, but it conveys the basic gist.

It seems that if you’re an insane foreign leader, Putin and friends will bend over backwards to accommodate your stay in Moscow. Take North Korea’s Kim Jong-Il – although some people think he’s secretly dead now, his plans to visit Putin in 2001 were waylaid by a less impassable obstacle: his paralyzing fear of air travel. No matter — a gigantic logistical operation was staged to allow his ARMORED TRAIN to carry him on a nine-day journey to the Russian capital!

This time around, it’s Libya’s Muammar Gaddafi, who has been pretty anti-house since the Americans bombed the crap out of his presidential compound in the 80s. Seems Gaddafi likes to sleep outside in a tent, ostensibly to hasten the whole run-for-your-life process, and only is down to visit other countries if they make a campground available.

According to REUTERS, Putin was all, “Pitch that shit, homie!”

“Got any s’mores, Comrade?”

MOSCOW – Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi has pitched a tent in a Kremlin garden before talks with Russian leaders on Saturday.

Gaddafi is to meet Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin for talks expected to focus on arms sales and access for Russian energy companies to projects in the North African state.

Located a few metres (yards) from the building where Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has his office, the military-style tent was decorated with North African fabrics and a metal barbecue grill has been set up in front, a Reuters reporter said.

A large, flat-screen television was switched on inside the tent.

So what do two world leaders do after they pitch a Bedouin tent? Go hang out with an age-appropriate babe, obviously!

Libyan leader Moamer Gaddafi spent the last evening of his official visit to Moscow on Saturday at a concert of the French singer Mireille Mathieu with one of her long-time fans – Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

Gaddafi is on a three-day visit to Russia, in a move expected to reprise cordial Soviet-era relations between the two states, and lead to purchases of weapons by Libya.

Putin, 56, and Gaddafi, 66 went backstage to visit the 62-year-old chanteuse, who enjoyed considerable fame in Russia in the years of the Soviet Union. The two leaders reportedly conversed with Mathieu on the topic, among others, of the beauty of Paris.

Mathieu then joined the one-time African revolutionary and the former KGB agent on a walk through the Kremlin garden to Gaddafi’s Bedouin tent, in which he customarily resides during official visits overseas, for tea, according to the Interfax news agency.

Prime Minister Putin remarked that ‘I don’t think Mireille was ever in a Bedouin tent before,’ to which Mathieu replied that one ought to make a wish when one is somewhere for the first time.

On the relationship between Russia and Libya, Putin said to Gaddafi, ‘the fact that you have pitched your tent within the Kremlin walls shows that we are now much closer together.’

At that point, international journalists were ushered out of the tent as the stereo began to play a 70s porn groove…and a tri-continental threesome of America-haters set sail for seas of pleasure.

The DAILY MAIL has a new story headlined, “Macho Putin in yet ANOTHER display of masculinity as he releases ‘Let’s learn judo with Vladimir’ DVD.”

First we saw him shirtless while fishing.

Then he was pictured at the wheel of a massive racing truck and shooting a tiger in the Siberian forest with a tranquiliser.

He has also appeared operating a train, sailing on a submarine and co-piloting a fighter jet.

Now Vladimir Putin – the world’s most manly leader – has released yet another display of his own masculinity: a DVD entitled ‘Let’s learn judo with Vladimir Putin’.

He’s like Sarah Palin – except AWESOME.

Today he presented the instructional judo DVD that shows him throwing an opponent to the mat.

‘Let’s Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin’ is the product of collaboration between Putin – a black belt – and former World and Olympic judo champion Yasuhiro Yamashita…

Putin is a one-time judo champion of his home city St. Petersburg – called Leningrad at the time.

He is also an avid skier, and his apparent fitness and devotion to physical activity helped increase his popularity in eight years as president.

This contrasted sharply with his hard-drinking and chronically ill predecessor, Boris Yeltsin, who died last year.

‘The level of developing of sports undoubtedly defines the level of development of the country itself,’ Putin said at the presentation.

‘Without sports, it’s impossible to speak of a healthy way of life, about the health of the nation as such,’ he said.

The original publication of the fishing photos made Putin a national sex symbol.

Clearly we need to see these for ourselves…

Unreal. Eat your heart out, Khrushchev!

And unlike some gun-toting bikini photos of other politicians I can think of, this shiznit ain’t photoshopped!