His Putanic Majesty Requests

Via intrepid correspondent C. Dave we have learned of a top-secret concert in a snowy Siberian fortress…

The musical guest was Australian cover band “Bjorn Again,” who are known for their faithful performances of ABBA classics.

The gig was booked in a mysterious fashion, and the band was transported for many hours from Moscow, with no knowledge of their whereabouts.

Before going onstage, they were strictly instructed not to directly engage the audience in any way.

Once they did hit the stage, the small audience was obscured by a gauzy curtain.

But according to the performers, they soon figured out who they were performing for…

It was…drum roll please…oh the hell with it, you obviously know who it’s gonna be…

Vladimir Putin!!

And a mysterious ladyfriend!

Here’s the amazing story from the UK’s TELEGRAPH:

Only nine people were at the gig, an operation so cloak and dagger that net curtains were erected between the stage and the seating to protect the privacy of Mr Putin and a female companion.

In what could deal a fatal blow to his hardman image, the politician belted out the lyrics to Honey Honey and danced with Kremlin officials to Super Trouper, as Kalashnikov-wielding guards patrolled the building.

Details emerged for the first time yesterday about the show which took place in the snowbound resort of Lake Valdai, nine hours outside Moscow, on January 22.

Bjorn Again’s founder, Rod Stephens, recalled: “I got a phone call before Christmas. The voice on the end of the phone said, ‘Kremlin… Russia… Moscow… we want your band’. I could tell that he was translating someone else’s words. I thought it was someone in the band winding me up and told them to send me an email.”

The offer, however, was deadly serious. The four band members and their crew flew to Moscow, where they were taken on a nine hour coach journey to the mystery location.

Jennifer Robb, who performs as Anni-Frid, said: “We arrived at a building which looked like a big stronghold with metal security gates. We had to put all our belongings through an X-ray machine. They took us to a guest house for the night and the next day we were taken for lunch at a canteen full of security guards and soldiers. The security was very tight and there were cameras everywhere. At one point I went outside to get some fresh air and there was a man with a machine gun who said something in Russian and made it very clear that I wasn’t allowed to wander anywhere on my own.

“The room where we performed had a stage with three sofas in front of it. That was it. Two of the sofas had white net curtains in front of them. The prime minister was sitting behind one of the curtains with a woman who was wearing a long, cream dress. She had short, fair hair. The prime minister was wearing a tuxedo and bow tie. The others were all men and wearing tuxedos too. They must have been security people.

“The prime minister didn’t stand but he and his wife, or whoever it was, were jigging about on the sofa and singing the words to Honey Honey. All his officials were singing away and doing a finger-pointing dance. They really got into it, even though there were only nine of them. At the end, the prime minister shouted ‘bravo, bravo’ and gave us great applause.”

The running order included singalong hits Waterloo, Money, Money, Money, Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia. Miss Robb said: “It was the most bizarre gig I have ever done. At first it was a little scary and we did feel a bit vulnerable at times because we didn’t know where we were, but in the end it was an amazing experience and definitely one to tell the grandchildren.”

After a breakfast of beetroot, they were escorted back to the airport. Mr Putin paid £20,000 for the hour-long show. “I wish I’d asked for twice as much now,” Mr Stephens said.

Time for a musical interlude!

We’d never heard of what’s apparently Putin’s favorite ABBA song, “Honey Honey,” so here it is performed by the original Swedish superstars!

“I’d heard about you before…I wanted to know some more…and now I know what they mean – you’re a love machine!”

That pretty much sums up our feelings towards Prime Minister Putin here at ROTI…

Of course, Putin totally denies that this ever took place:

Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov reacted after the London-based Bjorn Again, a long-established act that imitates 1970s pop super-group ABBA, said it had put on a show, cloaked in secrecy, for Putin…

“I can tell you officially and for sure Vladimir Putin never took part in any concert of the kind. He wasn’t there,” Peskov said.

However the musicians’ manager, Rod Stephen, said he was in little doubt about whom the concert was for, and one of the band’s singers said she saw Putin himself at the performance.

“It was quite obvious where Mr Putin was sitting,” Aileen McLaughlin, who doubles for blonde ABBA vocalist Agnetha Faltskog, told AFP by phone from London.

“I got a glimpse of his face in the lights.”

Stephen, also speaking by phone from London, said the band had been told beforehand that the show was for Putin.

We know one thing for sure, it definitely wasn’t the other top Kremlin official, Putin’s minion Dmitri Medvedev – because his tastes are a lot harder rocking. In fact, Medvedev ordered up a personal Deep Purple concert last year!

The more we learn about the Russian dictatorship, the more we love it.

One final item. It’s possible that Putin is denying the secret Bjorn Again concert took place on his watch because he doesn’t want to look soft.

Or it might be because he is continuing to step out on his wife with super hot, Olympic-medal-winning Russian gymnast Alina Kabaeva!

Look, if you ordered up a secret ABBA concert for your goomah and your posse, would you want your wife and the world to know about it?

We didn’t think so.

“Hey baby, wanna join me at my dacha for some vodka shots and a little Bjorn Again??”