An Audiobook of This Would Be Awesome

So, it’s election day…and until this evening the news crawl is going to be pretty slow.

(P.S. Ignore exit polls.)

Looking for some insight into the mind of the late-breaking voter?

We randomly found this blog post on Word Press in which an undecided voter from North Carolina finally makes up her mind.

This here’s Ginger, and she’s finally decided on Bob Barr.

Read on to find out why. This is so much more enjoyable when read aloud. The word “mellifluous” comes to mind.

I’m a North Carolina white woman, born to parents that both grew up in Southern baptist homes, in what used to be a small town, so I’m (naturally) a registered Republican. All of us are, y’all. The only time I EVER voted for a Democrat was when Jimmy Carter was runnin’ and that was because he was so Baptist and so southern, plus he reminded my Grandma Gladys of her Papa Green, so how could I not? It turned out to be a big mistake, with all those long gas lines and all, so I’ve been stickin’ with the straight Republican ticket ever since.

I have to hang my head when I admit that I voted for George W. I am sorry and I hope y’all will accept my heartfelt apologies. But, here’s the thing. I don’t think George, Jr. is really a Republican. Naw, really. I think he’s fakin’ it. I think he’s a closet liberal, who’s helped out his rich oil buddies by startin’ wars. I even think he might have sold his soul to the World Bankers, and those One World Government Illuminati types that just want to make enough money to be able to live in fancy caves underground, when the rest of us go up in the mushroom clouds.

So now I don’t feel like I can trust the Republicans anymore. I miss Ronnie Reagan. I wish he was still around to tell me one of his grandfatherly stories about how little Suzie in the third grade in Indiana needs new shoes and how my vote could help her get some cute pink and white Nikes. Without his help, I can’t seem to find my way anymore.

I wanted to be able to get behind one of the mainstream canidates.

John McCain is supposed to be conservative, but I got a feelin’ that he’s only pretendin’ to be, so all the conservative Christians will vote for him. I’m grateful that he went to war and fought for us and all. All that military experience will come in handy. His wife sure is a looker with all that perfectly coifed blonde hair. I was excited when he chose Sarah Palin, instead of some old-timey senator like Obama got. Sarah seems so down-homey and apple pie-ish, that it’s real hard not to just love her to death. But when McCain debated Obama, he looked real scary, y’all. He kept repeatin’ the same thing over and over, like some kind of scratched up little ol’ 45 record. I practically got the vapors from watchin’ it.

I absolutely loved some of Obama’s speeches. That stuff he said about his Grandma reduced me to tears. He’s so eloquent, and young, and handsome. His wife, Michelle, is cute as a button, too, with her fist-bumpin’ and all that jazz. I love that he is neither black, nor white, and yet he is both. I understand why so many people support him. But I was disappointed when he chose Biden. Biden is so old and outta touch, and so ingrained in the system that Obama says he wants to change. I wanted him to choose Hilary. Also, the whole Acorn business scares me. So does that Jeremiah preacher-man. All that hollerin’ from the pulpit got on my Baptist nerves. Now, I’m smart enough to realize he’s prolly not a Muslim, but his reputation as the most liberal senator, plus the fact that he voted “present” instead of actually standing up for anything goes against my upbringing, I reckon.

Then they both lost me over that big bailout deal. I mean, come on already! If either one of the two of them had stood up to George Bush and The Fed and just said NO to giving HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS of DOLLARS WE DON’T EVEN HAVE to the banks, then that canidate would have had my vote, right then and there, y’all. When McCain annouced that he was suspendin’ his campaign and runnin’ back to Washington, my heart was all a-twitter. I thought he was going to act all Reaganish and stand up to them-there big bankers. I thought, “Here’s his big chance to show the world how a REAL Republican is supposed to act and show everyone that he’s not going to stand for another four years of George Bush’s nonsence.”

I still can’t believe that both candidates, Obama the eloquent Liberal, and McCain the war hero Quasi-Conservative, voted exactly the same on gettin’ us even further into debt. McCain should have been against it on the general principle of wanting smaller government, and a balanced budget, like every Republcan in the history of the world has ever talked about. And Obama should have said, “Whoa, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute, if we’re gonna borrow this kind of money, let’s bail out the homeowners and throw in some programs to help out the poor folks, y’all.”

So I voted for Bob Barr. He’s the Libertarian that’s runnin’. He was flatly against the bail out, and he’s all about cuttin’ taxes, reducin’ government spending and restorin’ our civil liberties lost during the Bush administration.The media ignores him, so almost nobody has even heard of him. I’m fully aware of the fact that he’s not going to win. I know my vote won’t count for much. But I did it because I feel we need another choice. I figure if enough people vote for these Libertarians, then maybe the media will sit up and take notice some day.

[…]

Plus, he’s from Georgia, y’all. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Now everyone do like Ginger – make up your minds and go vote.

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

2 Responses to An Audiobook of This Would Be Awesome

  1. Ginger says:

    Well hey. Glad you enjoyed my ruminations.

  2. Debbie says:

    An audio tape would be awesome! Because the only thing better than reading Ginger’s writing is to actually listen to her!

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