Laura v. Cheney: WHALE WARS

We know most Americans would like to think of the Bush Administration as a bad dream. But they’re still in power!

And as Bush eats coconut cake, a battle is brewing.

Apparently, W’s plan to protect vast swaths of ocean from human trampling is running into stiff opposition from a junta led by who else, Dick Cheney. However, unlike in the past, Cheney is having trouble bending GWB to his will…

Laura Bush say, not so fast!



President Bush’s vision for protecting two vast areas of the Pacific Ocean from fishing and mineral exploitation, a move that would constitute a major expansion of his environmental legacy, is running into dogged resistance both inside and outside the White House and has placed his wife and his vice president on opposite sides of the issue.

With less than three months before Bush’s term ends, his top deputies are scrambling to try to execute a plan that would shield some of the world’s most diverse underwater ecosystems. The original plan, which included four potential “marine monuments” and was well received by environmentalists, has already been scaled back.

Vice President Cheney and some officials in the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands have argued that the plan could hurt the region’s economy by barring fishing and energy exploration. First lady Laura Bush, along with a number of scientists and environmental advocates, has countered that preserving the region’s natural attributes would attract tourism and burnish the president’s record for history.

Laura Bush has asked for two briefings on the issue from White House staff members, and her aides have conferred with scientists who support the two designations.


Both regions are treasure troves of biodiversity: Kingman Reef and other islands in the central Pacific area teem with sharks and other top predators; the Mariana Trench and its nearby islands are home to several species of rare beaked whales and the Micronesian megapode — an endangered bird that uses the heat from volcanic vents to incubate its eggs — as well as to mud volcanoes, pools of boiling sulfur and the greatest microbial diversity on Earth.

Fight the power, Laura. Mrs. Galt would be proud.

Don’t just do it because it’s the right thing, do it because Hayden Pannettiere and her dolphin loving friends will blubber if you don’t.

And that blubbering will raise the tides, bringing on ECO-APOCALYPSE…

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

One Response to Laura v. Cheney: WHALE WARS

  1. jasonhenle says:

    Those Whale Wars people are extreme Whale Wars!

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