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Over the Borderline

So Sherlock Holmes director Guy Ritchie finally got to see his kids again today after Madonna filed for divorce and took them away on a nationwide tour and A-Rod lovefest.

However, as the DAILY MAIL reports, this was not exactly a no-strings-attached proposition.

After weeks apart, an emotional Guy Ritchie was reunited with his sons Rocco and David at a London airport this morning.

The director’s children were back on English soil after being whisked away to the US by Madonna, who is in the throes of her Sticky and Sweet tour.

But as Guy held his two boys close for the first time in weeks, his estranged wife tightened her grip from the other side of the Atlantic.

The Mail has learned that the 50-year-old has issued a list of demands that Ritchie must meet while the children are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her.

Eight-year-old Rocco looked delighted to be back in his father’s company and threw his arms around him after walking through the gates at Gatwick.

Guy also shared a hug with David, three, whom he adopted from Malawi in 2006, later hoisting him on his hip as they made their way through the terminal.

[…]

Rocco and David have barely seen their father since Guy and Madonna announced their plans for divorce in mid October.

Here’s the Madge-dictated demand list:

Brendon from WWTDD unleashes this screed:

Guy Ritchie was finally reunited with his sons Rocco and David at a London airport this morning after they were taken to New York last month to stay with Madonna. Oh, but they weren’t alone. Joining them was Madonnas list of demands, which you can see above, thanks to the Daily Mail. So if there was any doubt Madonna is an insane narcissistic bitch who thinks the entire world revolves around her, this should put an end to that. The most awesome one is the one saying the boys can’t be photographed (this rule apparently does not apply to Madonna) because he broke that one immediately, and they were photographed literally seconds after they arrived. I can’t even imagine how he put up with her for so long.

The one that really gets us is the one about “no meeting any of Guy’s new friends, especially female friends.” But it’s okay for Madonna to dress Guy’s FRICKING SON Rocco up in the uniform of the dude who cuckolded his dad, and then take him to a game to watch Mommy’s new boyfriend play? And reportedly this incident made a brotha cry. Not cool!

OK, so why should we care?

Well, we’re not up to date on custody laws in the UK, but here in America, it seems that a mother can do whatever crazy-ass stuff she wants, and she’s still getting custody. In this case, said crazy-ass behavior includes blatant infidelity, Kabbalah nonsense, being a shitty neighbor and associating herself with Britney Spears.

Trust us, she’s still getting custody.

Although all his movies are pretty much the same, Guy Ritchie comes across as a decent guy and yet it’s still 80-90% likely that crazy Madonna will take the kids off to the US, never to be seen again except when accompanied by a ridiculous list of demands.

It’s bad enough she almost destroyed his career with Swept Away. Now she’s gonna take the dude’s kids away and place them under the influence of Brit-Brit and A-Rod and other nincompoops with hyphens in their names. How depressing.

On the plus side, unlike Madonna, Guy Ritchie is still young enough to have more natural children.

Time to gain the upper hand with a tried-and-true strategy we like to call “Quaid’s Revenge.”

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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