Shaq Tweets Quotatiously

We’ve had a hard time getting into Twitter, the “microblogging” site where you constantly update your status with little blurbs, just like a needy Facebook user.

It’s really come into vogue this year – lots of bloggers, journalists and public figures are using it now, and the recent Fbook overhaul in no small part reflected the growing microblogging trend.

And yet we still find these “tweets” exceedingly boring to read.

Sure, Twitter can be useful and interesting when serious events come into play, like when a disaster breaks out, or if you’re captured by agents of an authoritarian government while covering human rights protests abroad.

However, we’re hoping that we don’t get consumed by wildfires anytime soon, and we certainly don’t intend to leave the comfortable confines of our office for scary Third World locales.

So what’s the point, really?

Well, it turns out that Shaquille O’Neal is the point.

After learning that an imposter was tweeting under his identity, Shaq established his own account. Since then, he’s been frequently updating with voluble and extraordinarily entertaining tweets under the username “THE_REAL_SHAQ.”

(No word on whether or not he ordered the imposter to “tell me how my ass tastes.”)

It took the Big Aristotle a little while to get the hang of things. At first, he was blogging, not microblogging, and his paragraph-length statements got truncated to incomprehensible blurbs like:

igent ( but i hide it, dont want anyone to kno i’m a geek) lol And finally, i say things to make you earthlings think. For example, How…

Soon enough, though, the “VERY QUOTATIOUS” big man figured it out; now he uses Twitter regularly, and the results are spectacular.

Shaq’s thoughts on music:

All my life, i pray for someone like you, and i thank god that i finally found you Kci and jojo


Shaq dishes on NBA doings:

Why is steve francis sittn on the houston rocket bench Thingsdat make u go ummmm

I just texted gary payton, one of the greatest point guards ever

Sittin next to steve nash, tryna get hi to join twitter

Just saw the the great phil jackson, gave him a kiss on da cheek

Cant sleep, the lakers embarrassed us, im pissed

Still tryin to get steve nash to join the twitter universe

Whatthe hell is wrong wit da suns

Shaq observes and comments on current events:

Mayor bloomberg made some strong statements regarding plexico buress, wow

Is plexico in trouble, mayor bloomberg sounded mad

Does anyone have the names of the 14 people bush gave pardons

Just landed in new orleans, how come it still looks like nothin has been done, whos in charge

Detective oneal does not jordan vander sloots story about what happened to natalee

Did anyone hear about da guy on da web dat commited suicide, my prayers go out to his family

Did mrs clinton really take da job

Shaq is on his way to help the homeless:

On my way to the 1st annual phoenix shaqsgivn dinner, feed 750 families

On my way to oklahoma city, gettin ready to send 2 million lbs of peanut butta to africa

Finally, Shaq loves to publish his own quotations, most of which seem to be slightly revised from existing entries in Bartlett’s:

“Some leaders r born, most are made. If u wanna b sucessful, act like a leader” Shaquille o’neal

Shaq quote “treat people as u expect them to be, not how u think they are”

Go were yo dreams take u, live the live u have imagined Shaquille oneal

He who has never learned to obey, cannot b a good commander The big aristotle

Tomorro depends on what we do today Shaquille oneal

It really wasn’t hard to find entertaining examples, since pretty much everything he posts is entertaining.

The other great thing is that Shaq seems to be texting to Twitter all day and night, describing himself as “Shacula,” a vampire who never sleeps.

ROTI contributor C. Dave, on the other hand, descibes Shaq as “the funniest athlete of his generation,” and we are strongly inclined to agree.

So if you want to see more of this…

Good nite people, tune in tomorro same time same place, the shaq twitter show (use yo own theme music ) lol

…you need to start “following” Shaq’s Twitter feed immediately!

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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