Bitchin’ snow globe will spark holiday inferno!


Hallmark Gold Crown stores have been selling this delightfully tacky giant snow globe for a cool $100 a pop.

Measuring 11 x 12 x 17 inches, it’s a weighty specimen that no doubt glimmers beautifully when the rays of the morning sun shine upon it.

And then your whole house lights on fire.


Some 7,000 jumbo-sized snow globes were recalled by Hallmark Cards Inc. because the holiday decorations can act as a magnifying glass when exposed to sunlight and ignite nearby combustible materials, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said on Tuesday.

The snowman-shaped snow globes were sold in October and November at Hallmark Gold Crown stores nationwide for about $100 each.

The consumer agency said Hallmark has received two reports of the snow globes igniting nearby materials.

Something tells us this warning will be too little, too late. Someone out there already has purchased, wrapped and set this lovely item under the tree.

Come Christmas morn, Nana opens up her new snow globe, the family oohs and aahs, she holds it up to the light like a championship trophy, the globe glimmers, the family giggles with delight and then HOLY CRAP THE TREE IS ON FIRE!!

Nevertheless, we foresee a profitable second hand market in these things among mischievous young boys who know an opportunity to fry hundreds of ants on the sidewalk when they see one…

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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