Hallelujah, Deliverance from Corn Syrup!!

syrup chart

If there’s anything more odious than high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), we have yet to encounter it.

This evil goo became a significant part of the American diet in the 70s, when it was implemented in place of sugar in many processed foods and soft drinks. It has remained a key ingredient in these delights ever since!

If you’ve traveled at all, surely you’ve had a Coke in a foreign land. Sweet sugary deliciousness are three words that come to mind.

Not here in the USA, however. We sweeten our sodas with corn-based sugars, which are oh so close to the same thing…but not.

Accursed HFCS!

You sound like a dread disease and you are making us all unhappily fat!

As the chart above demonstrates, total sweetener consumption has only risen since the introduction of HFCS to our food supply. It didn’t replace cane sugar, it only augmented it!

The heinousness of HFCS is evident from its chemical composition. As Wikipedia explains it,

Cane sugar and beet sugar are both relatively pure sucrose. While the glucose and fructose which are the two components of HFCS are monosaccharides, sucrose is a disaccharide composed of glucose and fructose linked together with a relatively weak glycosidic bond.

A molecule of sucrose can be broken down into a molecule of glucose (C6H12O6) plus a molecule of fructose in a weakly acidic environment. Sucrose is broken down during digestion into fructose and glucose through hydrolysis by the enzyme sucrase, by which the body regulates the rate of sucrose breakdown. Without this regulation mechanism, the body has less control over the rate of sugar absorption into the bloodstream.

In other words, HFCS is sort of like pre-digested sugar that just goes straight into your system, unlike the more complex natural sugars regulated by sucrase that your body knows how to deal with.

HFCS -> Obesity.

High fructose corn syrup is a sin against nature!

No doubt this obscene goo is dribbled over the devil’s pie.

Needless to say, it would be worth it to pay more for Coke or Pepsi if it was sweetened with real sugar.

At this point, it’s basically impossible to obtain sugared Coke or Pepsi in America, except for a sucrose-tastic grace period around Passover, when Kosher Coke can be obtained.

A man wise in the ways of both coasts, legal analyst Nils coq au Vin, reminds us that in California and perhaps elsewhere, “Mexican Coke” can be obtained in glass bottles with an importation sticker stamped on them!

Sadly, without a preponderance of Mexicans around your area, the glass bottled sugary goodness is not an option.

So this is why we hurrayed with glee when a Facebook associate forwarded a link from KOTTKE that shrieked:


And it’s true…deliciously true.

Spinoff versions of Pepsi and Mountain Dew will feature sucrose!

This awesomely correct internet rumor began with a single sentence buried in a puff piece about Pepsi Bottling Ventures that Beverage Industry Magazine published last month, hinting at the products’ release:

This year also brings some new introductions, graphics and packaging innovations from PepsiCo, for which the company has high expectations. In CSD flavors, PBV will add Mountain Dew Voltage, which was the winning flavor in the brand’s Dewmocracy campaign. In the middle of April, PBV also will begin distributing Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback, which features those brands formulated with sugar. For the flagship PepsiCo brands, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Mountain Dew and Sierra Mist, PBV also is beginning to distribute the brands featuring their new redesigned graphics and packaging, which is part of a holistic campaign aimed at drawing in younger consumers. PepsiCo also is launching a new advertising campaign with the release.

Somebody noticed this exciting tidbit and the forums got cranking on it…

Soon enough BEVREVIEW.com delivered graphic evidence! Sick detective work dudes!


Pepsi has been experimenting elsewhere with sugar-sweetened drinks. We reported last February about two such entries… Pepsi Raw in the UK and Mexico’s Pepsi Retro. It’s nice to see some of this finally coming to the States.

A search of the United States Patent and Trademark Office’s Trademark Electronic Search System shows the following logos tied to these brands…

The requests for Pepsi trademarked names were filed July 18, 2008 (Pepsi Throwback and Pepsi-Cola Throwback), but the filing for the image was done January 9, 2009. It is formally described as the following: “The color(s) dark blue, light blue and white is/are claimed as a feature of the mark…”


Meanwhile, 2 requests for the Mountain Dew trademark name were filed (November 11, 2008 for Mountain Dew Throwback; December 3, 2008 for the new logo spelling of “Mtn Dew”, Mtn Dew Throwback). Like the Pepsi logos, the Mountain Dew Throwback logo was filed on January 9 under the full name (Mountain Dew Throwback).”

No word on exact launch date, nor of distribution plans, or how long this drink will be on the shelves.

Details, schmeetails.

Once we see the first red robin, we will begin heartily anticipating Pepsi sweetened with the real deal…

With the spring will come the sucrose.

Amen, homies.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

2 Responses to Hallelujah, Deliverance from Corn Syrup!!

  1. Lynsey says:

    Ha ha. I get Coke with real sugar anytime I want here in Kenya.

  2. Cassie says:

    You can find coke with real sugar at Costco, or so I have heard. I am lucky there is a Mexican shop down the street from me, not that there are a lot of Mexicans here in my part of WA, but there is the Mexican coke! 🙂

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