Mmmm…electric shocks to the face
March 3, 2009 1 Comment
If you believe that an electric-shock belt will slim down your pudgy gut, why not get a terrifying electric-shock mask to give you that Beverly Hills botoxed look for pennies on the dollar?
ROTI contributors Major Beans and C. Dave once purchased the Fast Abs, a product that applied shocks to your tummy after you smeared it with conductive goo.
It basically resembled a torture device from the cabinet of Qusay Hussein.
Now another infomercial product has caught Jamo’s eye, and frankly, we are concerned.
He’s learned about Rejuvenique, a disturbing facial mask that uses electrodes to “stimulate” your face muscles.
“Like exercising your face without the sweat,” the infomercial promises.
Exercising your face?
Dynasty’s Linda Evans subjected this product to rigorous and skeptical testing, and if she’s satisfied, why shouldn’t we be?
Wellll, for one thing this product sounds like abject quackery – and for another, it looks scary as hell!
It’s a Fast Abs for your FACE!
The Rejuvenique electrical facial toning system is designed to help combat the stresses of aging, the environment, and our just too-busy lifestyles. Unlike traditional skin care products that cleanse, moisturize, and pamper the skin, the Rejuvenique system is designed to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles and achieve a smooth, toned, radiant look — without harsh chemicals or other time-consuming, expensive measures.
… The Rejuvenique Facial Toning System consists of a facial mask with 24 individual gold-plated contact points that deliver a light energy pulsation to key areas of your face eight times a second. The energy pulsation is controlled by the palm-size Rejuvenique control unit, which is powered by a 9-volt battery. Special toning gel ensures proper contact between the mask and your skin. The mask system works in tandem with a range of lotions and vitamin- and antioxidant-fortified lotions and gels.
… To use the system, you simply apply Rejuvenique gel to the 24 facial contact points, position the mask on your face, turn on the system, and enjoy 15 minutes at your own personal spa.
I guess to the people who developed this product, one’s own personal spa is something straight out of Eyes Wide Shut…
“Remove your clothes…and put on Rejuvenique!!”
Ridiculous Infomercial Review delivers some scathing commentary:
Hosted by Linda Evans, the former Dynasty star and New Age aficionado, this infomercial introduces us to the Rejuvenique mask and its inventor, Dr. George Springer, “a past associate professor of dermatology who’s also been practicing holistic medicine for the past 19 years.” Practicing holistic medicine? That’s reassuring!
Linda holds up the Rejuvenique mask and comments, “It looks like something out of Phantom of the Opera”—actually it looks more like something out of Silence of the Lambs.
And in spite of all the gentle language used to describe how the mask works—that it “sends a mild impulse” through “gold-plated facial cushions”—Rejuvenique puts one in mind of electro-shock therapy, Frankenstein’s monster, and the good ol’ electric chair.
Also, this product turns out to be rampantly illegal.
Here’s a warning letter to the manufacturer from the Food and Drug Administration:
We are writing to you because we have obtained information that has revealed a serious regulatory problem involving a product known as “Rejuvenique,” which is marketed by your firm. The product consists of a battery-operated electrical facial stimulator that applies electrical current sequentially to various facial muscles, repeatedly contracting them. The product is being sold Over the Counter (OTC) through mail order, and in major department stores such as Sears and The Hecht Company.
An “Owner’s Manual” that accompanies Rejuvenique (see enclosed) represents that it tones the skin to reduce the appearance of wrinkling and improves skin tone; that many people notice an overall change in the appearance of their skin with just a few facial sessions; and that the result is a face that is more toned…This material represents, among other things, that the Rejuvenique creates a gradual reduction in the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles resulting in a face that looks more youthful; that the first change people notice is the appearance of reduced puffiness of your face; that it tightens skin and provides increased skin elasticity; that lines that come when one grins will be fewer; and that wrinkles and bags around ones eyes will seem less noticeable. In addition, an “infomercial” represents, among other things, that Rejuvenique tones and tightens loose sagging facial skin; that with its use, 5-10 years are lifted off your face; that frown lines diminish; and that facial lines are shortened.
While the referenced Rejuvenique “Owner’s Manual” has some of the above referenced warnings, the listing is incomplete. For example, the manual does not provide a warning statement that the device should not be applied transcerebrally; a warning statement that the device should not be used over swollen, infected, or inflamed areas or skin eruptions; or a warning statement that caution should be used in the presence of the following:
1. when there is a tendency to hemorrhage following acute trauma or fracture;
2. following recent surgical procedures when muscle contraction may disrupt the healing process; and
3. over areas of the skin which lack normal sensation.
Because the Rejuvenique Owner’s Manual does not have the above and other warnings, the Rejuvenique is in violation of the law.
So, consider yourselves warned.
Rejuvenique is dangerous!
If you really must don a horrifyingly expressionless mask, you should simply do like the Jabbawockeez and choose one that is not attached to an electric charge.
(top photo from Nebulagirl @ Flickr)