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Outhouse Spelunking

Britain is apparently abuzz with talk of “Poo Girl,” a mysterious young woman who got stuck in a portable toilet at the Leeds Music Festival.

This unfortunate creature dropped her handbag down the loo hole…since it was worth 400 pounds and held her precious iPhone, she decided that she had no choice but to go after it.

The Sun tells what happened next…it is not pretty.

A FESTIVAL-GOER rescued after she got jammed head first in a reeking portable toilet was left bruised by the 20-minute ordeal, her cousin said.

The teenager — named only as Charlotte — was trying to reach her handbag which contained £400 and an iPhone after dropping it in the loo.

Toilets were closed for half an hour as firefighters prised the 19-year-old’s head and arms free at Leeds festival on Saturday.

loo

Charlotte’s cousin Katie has revealed the teen is just now starting to laugh off the drama.

She said: “I think most people would have left the bag, but it had all of her money in it, her phone and her tickets home – her life really.

“She couldn’t reach with one arm so she put her other arm in, and managed to get her shoulders stuck.

“Her arms are black and blue from bruises.”

Luckily, Charlotte’s friends were standing outside and quickly raised the alarm.

The on-site fire crew are said to have treated it as a major emergency and sent seven firemen, who tried to dismantle a portion of the toilet to pull the teen free.

After 20 minutes they heaved Charlotte out, leaving her with more bruises on her hips, her cousin said.

Katie added: “She was hosed down, which was a bit embarrassing, but she hadn’t been covered in anything as her hands were a good few feet above it.

“She went to get changed and she stayed for the rest of the festival – but she said she felt paranoid as she thought people would be nasty about the incident.

“It did spoil it a little bit.

“She was a bit distressed when she came home but I told her not to take it to heart and I think she’s able to laugh it off now.

“I can’t believe how big the story has become. You can even buy ‘poo girl’ hoodies!”

That is correct. Moving quickly to capitalize on Poo Girl Mania, some enterprising person has created an entire “I Am Poo Girl” store, hawking t-shirts, hats, and more…

poo girl hoodie

The “I Am Poo Girl 2009” mug is pretty epic…

The plight of Poo Girl is bringing thousands together online in a celebration of her exploits and quest for her identity. 15,000 people have joined the Facebook group in honor of Poo Girl.

The Awl described it as a “Trainspotting incident” and urged Charlotte to reveal herself to cash in on the burgeoning Poo Girl merchandise industry. Commenter HiredGoons added, “It’s not just poo, it’s poo from people who eat British food!”

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over.

Poo Girl has come forward…

charlotte

THIS is unlucky Charlotte Taylor who got her head stuck down a toilet at a music festival.

The 18-year-old was wedged face-first in the pongy bowl for a stomach-churning 20 minutes before firefighters pulled her free.

She had been trying to reach her handbag – containing cash and a mobile phone – after accidentally dropping it in the loo.

[…]

She said: “I kept saying to myself, ‘Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening. It can’t be real.’

“My bag had my phone, train ticket and all my money in it, so if I left it I wouldn’t have been able to get home and I would have been stranded.

“I put one hand down but I couldn’t reach so I put the other one down too to try and grab it.

“But I was straining so far down that I got wedged.” She added: “My shoulders were stuck on both sides and I couldn’t move at all.

“I was struggling and trying to get out and it just made it worse. I knew I couldn’t get out myself and was so embarrassed.”

After 20 minutes a team of firefighters arrived and used brute force to pull her out of the stinking portaloo.

But Charlotte faced further embarrassment after they then hosed her down in front of hundreds of festival-goers.

She added: “All of my friends were laughing at me when I told them what had happened.

“Throughout the rest of the weekend I could hear people talking about it.

“It was strange that I was right there and not many people knew it was me. I was so embarrassed.”

Charlotte’s mum Chris, 51, said: “When Charlotte told me I just laughed. I felt bad for her but you have to laugh at these things.”

Charlotte’s mum is absolutely right! We’re proud of you for coming forward, Poo Girl.

Besides, there are far worse reputations that can come along with descending into the depths of a stinkhole.

Meet Gary Moody, a New Hampshire man who cannot resist the lure of the outhouse…

PORTLAND — When Gary Moody pleaded no contest to trespassing in 2005 for hiding in a pit toilet on White Mountain National Forest property in New Hampshire, a judge urged him to seek help for whatever had driven him to climb down there.

According to a new complaint, Moody didn’t get the message.

The 49-year-old Pittston man is charged again – this time in federal court – with climbing into a pit toilet in the White Mountain National Forest.

Authorities say a 9-year-old boy saw Moody climbing out of a toilet at the Hastings Campground on Memorial Day and two other witnesses saw him walk away from the outhouse. The campground is about three miles south of Gilead, just east of the New Hampshire border.

Moody was not identified at the time, but a special agent from the U.S. Forest Service investigated the report from the campground manager. Recalling the well-publicized incident involving Moody in 2005, special agent William Fors paid a visit to Moody’s home on June 19.

“Based on the extremely rare nature of this type of activity, the fact that Gary Moody had a previous conviction for the same activity, and the fact that Moody had a last known address in the Gardiner, Maine, area, I decided to locate and interview Moody,” Fors wrote in an affidavit filed last week in U.S. District Court in Portland.

“I asked Moody if he knew why we were there,” Fors wrote. “Moody stated, ‘I guess someone must have filed a complaint.’ ”

“I advised Moody that I understood that this was likely a difficult issue to talk about and that it was our intention to solve the problem of Moody getting caught in the pits of National Forest outhouses,” Fors wrote.

According to Fors, Moody admitted that he had been in a toilet at the Hastings Campground on Memorial Day. Moody initially said he had dropped his shirt into the pit and climbed down to retrieve it.

That story was similar to one Moody had told authorities on June 26, 2005, when he was found in a toilet on U.S. Forest Service property in Albany, N.H. Moody said he climbed into the pit to retrieve his wedding ring, but officials cleaned out the pit, screened the contents and found no ring.

“I told Moody that I did not think that his trips into the outhouse pits had anything to do with dropping things by accident, and asked Moody if I was right,” Fors wrote in the affidavit. “Moody said ‘yes.'”

AWWWWW that’s so pathetic.

Let’s have a look at Poo Guy before we continue his story…

gary

Moody admitted that he had gone into outhouse pits more than twice, Fors wrote. Moody said he never took photographs or videotaped people using the toilets, and he told Fors that he had not received counseling for what Fors called “the outhouse problem,” according to the affidavit.

Moody faces one count of attempted violation of privacy, one count of entering an enclosed area not open to the public and one count of leaving refuse in an exposed and unsanitary condition. Each count is a federal misdemeanor, punishable by a maximum of six months in prison and a $5,000 fine.

[…]Fors said he was not sure how much time Moody spent in the toilet on May 25. In a telephone interview Monday, Fors declined to provide additional details about the case, which he described as the strangest of his 20-year career.

“We don’t have a file cabinet drawer full of things like this,” Fors said. “This is kind of a category by itself.”

The incidents in which Mr. Moody has been caught loo-splashing are equal parts horrifying and gigglesome.

The investigation of the Memorial Day incident began on May 29, when another Forest Service officer met with the manager of the Hastings Campground regarding complaints from campers. Fors found that a 9-year-old boy had walked to one of the pit toilets in the mid-morning on May 25 and, after waiting for several minutes, opened the door.

He saw that the toilet had been pulled out of the pit, then saw a man pop out of the hole, Fors wrote in his affidavit. The boy and two other people saw the man, who was “completely wet,” leave the restroom. The floor was left covered with waste, the witnesses said.

On June 26, 2005, a 14-year-old girl was using a pit toilet in Albany, N.H., when she heard noises below. The girl looked down and saw Moody looking up at her. Officials pulled Moody from the toilet and firefighters hosed him off before he was arrested by Carroll County sheriff’s deputies.

[…]

“This gentleman has been subject to a great deal of media scrutiny and drawn to himself, should I say, notoriety. And a healthy share of bathroom humor, if you will,” District Court Judge Pamela Albee said during the sentencing in New Hampshire.

The sad thing is that Mr. Moody was just born too late.

Why, back in medieval times he could have obtained a job as a garderobe technician. There he could have whiled away the days to his heart’s content, showered with kingly droppings.

It’s just too bad that our cruel modern world has no place for Poo Guy and his UK counterpart, Poo Girl.

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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