Talkin’ Cape Cod Wedding Night Ex-Lover Attack Jail Time Blues

This morning’s Cape Cod Times has a delightful wedding story that I simply must share with you.

It seems that Timothy Keene, 37, and Marissa Putignano, 22, shacked-up lovers residing at 77 Winter Street in Hyannis, MA, decided to make their love match official yesterday. So they headed down to the Barnstable town hall to get themselves married.

The ceremony went off without a hitch — Ms. Putignano changed her last name to Putignano-Keene — and the happy couple celebrated by splitting a bottle of champagne.

But as they made their way back to 77 Winter Street to consummate, still tipsy from the bubbly they’d quaffed, the new Mrs. Putignano-Keene spotted a woman and her son crossing the parking lot that fronts Alberto’s Ristorante.

Unfortunately for this woman, she was an ex-lover of Hyannis’ own Don Juan, Timothy Keene.

Despite the fact that T. Keene liked it enough to put a ring on it, Putignano-Keene flipped out at the sight of her new husband’s former flame. According to the published report:

The woman told the police she had just left work and was cutting through the parking lot, accompanied by her son, when the newlywed couple drove by. The woman told the police Putignano-Keene rolled down the driver’s side window and began swearing and using sexually charged language.

The bride’s bathroom mirror Facebook picture.
Note the telltale towel rack in background…

As they walked away, they heard tires squealing and an engine roar!

Hell hath no fury like a Putignano-Keene!

The woman said she and her son were walking away when she heard a car engine roar then saw Putignano-Keene’s car heading directly toward them, causing them to jump out of the way. She said Putignano-Keene then backed the car up, turned and in the process crashed into a fence behind Alberto’s Ristorante, which backs onto the parking lot.

The scene of the crime (was on the other side of this building)

Both Putignano-Keene and her husband were caught red-handed at the scene by police officers who noted that they were both wasted off a couple of glasses of bub. Learn how to hold your liquor, Cape townies!

The Cape Cod Times also noted that this isn’t Mr. Keene’s first brush with the law. Back in 2000, he was convicted of “lewd and lascivious behavior” and is now a Level 2 Sex Offender in the State of Florida. His sex offender information webpage lists this amazingly long series of aliases:

Timothy John Keene, Timtohy J Keene, Timothy Keene, James Tillman, Stephen Brenner, Tim Obell, Timothy Lee Keene, Timothy Lee Zeh.

My favorite is “Timtohy”. “What’s Tim short for?” “Timtohy.”

It also features this mugshot, which would fit nicely in Gene Weingarten’s ongoing “Guilty based on mugshot alone” series:

Yup, looks capable of lewd and lascivious behavior to me…

The newlyweds spent their wedding night segregated in separate cells.

Mr. Keene was charged with disorderly conduct, while his wife was hit with two counts of assault with a dangerous weapon, a count of disorderly conduct and a count of vandalism.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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