Vladimir Putin At Large [Photos]

Vladimir Putin, de facto Czar of Russia, never fails to disappoint ROTI when we turn to him for some quality lulz.

Putin has been a total genius recently, and I thought it best to chronicle his most entertaining hijinks for everyone here to enjoy.

But first, allow me to set the tone with some Soviet background music.

Okay, let’s do this!

Putin is a dog lover — he already owns an 11-year-old black Lab named Koni. He once mocked George W. Bush’s Scottish terrier by saying “My dog is bigger, stronger and faster than Barney.”

On a recent trip to Bulgaria to sign a massive gas deal, Putin was presented with a Bulgarian shepherd. He’s still considering what to name it. I recommend “Vladimir 2.”

This amazing .gif is courtesy of one of my new favorite sites, Fuck Yeah Russian Politics, which also connected me to this video of the occasion.

The dog WINKS 34 seconds in! I guess he knows that he just hit the dog-owner jackpot.

So what did you do on your vacation? Sit on a beach, read a book? Maybe you are some kind of economic girly-man who took a “Staycation” and cleaned leaves out of your gutters.

Vladimir Putin spent his holiday riding a mighty stallion across the tundra of Siberia, then fed it carrots while letting the cameras drink in his burly frame, topless.

That’s why he rules Russia and you don’t even rule your own TV remote.

The photo below totally looks like a Photoshop job. It isn’t!

The owner of Renault brought this F1 racer with him to Russia, paying fealty to the great Putin while buying a stake in a Russian car company.

Putin hit the track and cranked this bad mother up to 240 km/h (about 150 mph).

Putin emerges from the scrub brush after sniping a few pesky journalists.

As a judo expert, Putin knows all about kicking the crap out of others. When Putin goes to a bare-knuckle fight, he usually calls his buddy Jean Claude Van Damme.

JCVD is always trying to impress Putin with tall tales about how he won the Kumite even though he was temporarily blinded by Chong Li.

Silly JCVD. Putin knows that was just a movie.

Afterwards, the thoughtful and supportive Putin extends some kind words to the fighters who didn’t fare so well. JCVD could never muster that kind of compassion.

Putin got on this speedboat and roared across Olga Bay in pursuit of an endangered gray whale. Once he got it in his sights, he started blasting away with his crossbow. After only a few tries, he hit his mark like a boss, tagging the rare creature with a tracking device.

Only Vladimir Putin can make saving endangered species a badass activity.

When a reporter asked, “Mr. Putin, isn’t it risky to do this kind of thing?” he laughed in his face and replied, “Living in general is dangerous.”

Putin jumped in this submarine and dove 1 mile under the surface of Lake Baikal to study some natural gas seepage.

While below, he made a bunch of stupid fart jokes. The crew laughed uproariously because no Russian is foolish enough to fail to laugh at one of Putin’s jokes.

Putin doesn’t like to make all his money from oil and gas. He also likes to sell cars. Here’s Putin promoting a car from the Russian auto industry.

Year end tent event at the Moscow Avtovas dealership! COME ON DOWN!

Putin tranquilized and measured a polar bear. Just ’cause he felt like it that day.

This summer, Russia was beset by a series of horrible wildfires. Putin went into action, piloting a firefighting plane that scooped up water and then sprayed it to douse the inferno.

Opposition leaders attacked Putin, claiming that his policies were partially responsible for the fire outbreaks. Yup, just keep talking, opposition leaders. The next fire will be in your apartments.

This one is my favorite. We’re expected to believe that this depicts Putin and his wife at home participating in the Russian census. As if Putin really lives in such drab surroundings!

I have it on good authority that the second this photoshoot ended, Putin peaced out, jumped into a chopper (with Koni the dog as copilot) and headed off to a wintry fortress where he partied with his mistress and an ABBA cover band.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

One Response to Vladimir Putin At Large [Photos]

  1. EMStoveken says:

    That is the Putins’ real home. In the event of intruders, the couple simply blends in with the couch to make it easier to garrotte the interlopers.

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