“Osama bin Laden’s Hideout Compound” — The Reviews Are In!

This evening, I discovered that Osama’s secret compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan is marked on Google Maps!

It’s listed as a Historical Landmark / Villa.

(Whoever added the photograph of the Bluths’ model home deserves a trophy.)

You can even write your own review of this charming establishment in the bustling exurbs of Islamabad. Many citizens of the Internets are taking the time to tell us about their experiences at the Hideout Compound.

Here are my favorites:

This was a huge disappointment; this bed -and-breakfast is overrun with rude, muscular and heavily armed American crusaders! I strongly recommend the lavish Blood of the Martyrs Cave Complex in North Waziristan or the five-star 72 Virgins Hotel in Quetta if you really need to get away from the pressures and stresses of running an international terrorist organization. Oh, those tiresome, infernally noisy American crusaders and their damned helicopters and Christian burials! The infidels have no respect for privacy and simply TRASHED this place in no time as though they were rock stars or Charlie Sheen!

This neighborhood has really gone downhill. Previous tenants burned their own trash and stole my wi-fi connection. I was pleased to hear that they were evicted in the middle of the night.

It took us years to find this little place! But once we did it was a HIT!

One of the best dinner theaters that I’ve ever attended! While the ‘Defeat the Infidel’s Invasion” sketch didn’t end quite the way that we expected, the special effects were absolutely top notch! My wife swore up and down that the helicopters were real (she’s not that bright…) and I thought I could actually smell the gun powder! I thought they went a touch overboard with the blood splatter from the lead character’s death but, overall we couldn’t have asked for a better, more-realistic experience. The demand for this place must be through the roof as we were told that we could not reserve seats for the next night’s show. We will be back in Pakistan again in a few months and will definitely make it a priority to attend the next show! Kudos!!

I ended up at this place based on Hotwire.com. Although they gave it 3 stars, I didn’t think it warranted even one star. The views are terrible with high walls blocking everything. The gates at the front entrance are not inviting at all. When I got to my room I found there was no TV and no internet or WI-FI available. Not even a phone was in the room. I guess it’s their way of “getting away from it all”.

The rooms are adequate in size, but the noise was terrible. Helicopters and gunfire rang out in the middle of the night last night. The hotel owner looked like some creep with his long graying beard surrounded by three girls half his age that he calls his wives.

They mentioned continental breakfast in the morning, but when I got up the morning of 5/2/2011, no breakfast was to be found. Even the owner wasn’t around this morning. I wandered around the inside of the building and it appears that I’m the only one still here. The upper floors needs some serious remodeling as there are bullet holes in the walls and blood stains on the carpet. When does housekeeping come by? Not recommended, not even for the most reclusive individuals…

Seen a dozen bin Laden Hide Out locations. This one looks about right. Housekeeping, Landscaping and Security at this property was atrocious. The management was surly and rude. No restaurant or pool. Recreational facilities consisted of some monkey bars and dirt tunnels that were mostly used by the guest house’s Security Department – for mandatory “training exercises”. . Some commotion for about 40 minutes the other night. Blood all over the place and a flaming Blackhawk in the front courtyard in the morning. Left without paying the bill. Would not recommend.

And my personal favorite:

best place to take a dump in all of Pakistan

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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