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Petty Crimes in A Small Town: The Police Beat of Maynard, MA

Inspired by our look at the “Back Talk” section of the Lowell (MA) Sun, frequent contributor Vicious Rumors returns with a sampling of amusingly banal items from the police log of his hometown, Maynard, Massachusetts. 

My investigation of the past four months of the Maynard Beacon-Villager (which also covers neighboring Stow) did not disappoint. Below are 23 of the best entries between January 1st and the most current issue of the newspaper. I’ve found that the style of writing has changed since the days when I used to follow along in print; back then, the sentences were written more fluidly, and names of those arrested were not withheld. But now the log seems to be published in the same shorthand that it was initially recorded in, which can make for some awkward and confusing sentences. I therefore cleaned up and edited where applicable. Also, specific officers are usually referred to as “S3” or “S12”; I just changed the S to Officer to make it clearer.

Stow – Monday, Jan. 2, 1:41 p.m. Walk-in reporting that while on his deck New Year’s Eve, he observed a red and orange disc-like object which he could not identify fly over Stow towards Maynard. He was wondering if anyone reported seeing it. Officer 3 advised.

Stow – Thursday, Jan. 5, 1:57 a.m. Caller on No Name Road states there is a group of kids outside and one of them is her son. Officer 12 checked the house and surrounding area.

Maynard – Sunday, Jan. 8, 3:38 p.m. Acton Police reports they received call regarding kids doing bong hits in a motor vehicle, heading toward Maynard. Officers checking area.

Stow – Tuesday, Jan. 10, 8:43 p.m. Caller on No Name Road reports the neighbors are spying on her. Officer 10 advised son.

Maynard – Saturday. Jan. 14, 7:01 p.m. Caller on Roosevelt Street reports four orbs circling each other in the northeast sky. Car 36 responding to speak with caller. No orbs or UFOs, just high-powered lights, maybe from MCI Concord.

Stow – Friday, Jan. 20, 9:32 a.m. Caller reporting seeing a UFO last Saturday night. She is going to call the weather service to see if they received any reports. No reports of UFO sightings to police station for that night.

Maynard – Sunday, Jan. 22, 4:54 p.m. Caller on Crane Avenue reporting a bad smell coming from the manhole near the end of her driveway. Car 12 responding. No smell on the street, but a slight smell near subject’s home, likely from bathroom vent, not manhole.

Stow – Saturday, Jan. 28, 1 p.m. Stow Recreation reports someone over the past couple of nights went out in the park, drank beers, and threw traffic cones and mats on the ice rink at Stow Community Park. No damage done, but patrols will continue to check.

Stow – Monday, Jan. 30, 4:32 p.m. Walk-in reporting two old tents in the woods of the Town Forest. Officer 7 and Officer 3 walking in woods to try and locate.

Maynard – Monday, Jan. 30, 4:34 p.m. Caller on Summer Street reporting neighbor throwing dog feces in his yard. Car 11 assisting.

Stow – Tuesday, Jan. 31, 9:20 a.m. Party into station requesting information on local ski lodges. Party advised she was looking for Stowe, Vermont, not Stow, Massachusetts. She was told of the great local orchards and golf courses.

Maynard – Saturday, Feb. 11, 6:12 p.m. Subject came into the station reporting large group of young kids got into a motor vehicle and stuffed one of the kids in the trunk of the vehicle. Vehicle located at residence.

Maynard – Friday, March 9, 4:41 p.m. Caller on Main Street reports male party out front smoking who “stole” a bottle of Tide last Saturday and stated he wanted to be arrested. States the subject appears to be agitated and is yelling. Cars 32 and 30 responding.

Maynard – Tuesday, March 13, 7:15 p.m. Reporting party states his wife is not following custody agreement; this is an ongoing issue. Officers determined neither party lives in or has a connection with Maynard. Subject reports he just figured he’d stop in since Maynard Police was on his way to a meeting. Also states that he already reported to Hudson, Clinton and Stow. Advised to notify proper town.

Stow – Saturday, March 17, 12:03 p.m. Caller on Johnston Way reports receiving a call from Cragin from Jamaica at xxx-xxx-6437, reporting that he is the IRS trying to give money to her. Officer 10 spoke to caller and traced number to Jamaica. Officer 10 left message for Cragin and advised caller to contact the unlawful call center.

Stow – Monday, April 2, 10:31 a.m. Caller reporting someone cut three branches off his dogwood tree and left them on the ground. Officer 3 speaking with caller.

Maynard – Tuesday, April 3, 2:18 p.m. Baby locked in house on Maybury Road. Fire responding; opened door.

Maynard – Wednesday, April 4, 12:09 p.m. Caller on Harriman Court reports a female in a gray pick-up keeps parking and going into the house on High Street. Would like to have it checked it; looks suspicious. Subject spoken to; she is training her dog.

Stow – Friday, April 6, 10:20 a.m. Caller on West Acton Road reports an unknown black car pulled into his driveway and two people got out and banged on his door. They then left. Caller got plate of vehicle. Officer 6 contacted owner of vehicle. People in vehicle were Jehovah Witnesses. Reporting party was notified.

Stow – Saturday, April 7, 11:03 a.m. Caller reporting a deceased turkey in the back yard of his neighbors. Referred to animal control officer.

Maynard – Monday, April 9, 9:12 a.m. Resident on Concord Street Circle reports she believes someone entered her apartment yesterday and stole some toilet paper. Officer notified.

Maynard – Tuesday, April 10, 1:37 a.m. “One Love” tagged in gold with pink hearts on side of building facing abandoned railroad tracks on Acton Street. Unknown time frame; logging for future reference.

Maynard – Thursday, April 19, 4:03 p.m. Caller on Patti Lane reported an item put in her mailbox leaked on her mail (some type of prank). Party spoken too. Fart bags not dangerous.

Vicious Rumors lives in Los Angeles but will always call Maynard home.

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About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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