FOTI #32: Anarchic NTSB Intern


Fortnight on the Internets gave me a doozy!

On this episode, we discuss the latest iteration of the famous Konami Code, nestled into some swanky websites; we salute the wisdom of small children, and we shake our heads in disbelief as a San Francisco news anchor pulls a Ron Burgundy by reading ethnic jokes off the teleprompter as if they are hard news. With music from The Blank Tapes and a soulful Internet Challenge Surprise.

Four ways to listen:

If you subscribe or become a Liker, you’ll be able to get to new episodes faster than everyone else. You’d also be wise to follow us on our @FOTIpod Twitter account, where we often have fun interactions with the people and sites we talk about on the show…

Loki Conquers Comic-Con!

Here’s the video we talked about on the show. If you make it more than 20 seconds before turning this off in embarrassment — congratulations, you are a bigger nerd than Alpine.

Internet Report Card

On this report card, an epic local news blunder; an inspirational view from small humans on a disturbing controversy; and the latest appearance of the Konami Code, this time in a rather unexpected place.

#1. “Sum Ting Wong” at KTVU

Here’s the clip that electrified the internet.

How can competent news professionals — in Pacific-rim SAN FRANCISCO no less — have fallen for this absurd prank? What’s worse, they tried to scrub this from the Internet after it started blowing up. Streisand Effect, idiots!

#2. Kids React to Cheerios Ad Controversy

First, the original Cheerios ad:

Almost unbelievably in the year 2013, racist jerks got offended that a white lady and a black man would combine to make a beautiful, literal-minded child. Internet rage erupted!

Now, the Fine Brothers (creators of the React series where kids, olds, teens, and Youtubers watch and respond to various stuff) survey kids’ reactions to this ludicrous bigotry.

#3. The Konami Code Comes to Conde Nast

You know the Konami Code, dontcha? NES veterans, repeat after me:

It recently popped up in a weird place! If you go to any of the Conde Nast UK websites — Vogue UK, Wired UK, etc., and punch in the code — RAPTOR TIME!

Nuff said.

Our Musical Guest: THE BLANK TAPES

One of our favorite records of the summer comes from Cali-based rockers The Blank Tapes, who brew a potent blend of Lou Reed’s patter, Ray Davies’ tale-weaving, Gram and Emmylou’s magical chemistry, Phil Spector’s vocal arrangements, and Jerry Garcia’s blunted-country, and mixing that all into the sounds of modern indie. It’s all at once a throwback to the classic hits of yesterday and the jams of the now.

Here’s our new best friends Matt and Pearl jammin’ out with compadre DA Humphrey (I’m pretty sure) on the track “Don’t Ever Get Old”:

Pick up their album right now, you guys! Then hit the beach for an awesome summer (or check out their upcoming California tour dates). You’re welcome.

Oh yeah — and like ’em on Facebook!

The latest iteration of our MASTER playlist of all FOTI musical guests:

Rock on, friends.

Internet Challenge Surprise!

This episode’s soulful surprise involves an incredible treasury of goofy white chicks taking on one of the pillars of Broadway soul, as epitomized in the iconic performance by Jennifer Holliday below. That’s right, I’m talking about “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.”

Now that we’ve seen the best of the best…let’s enjoy some truly horrible renditions!

First, Miss Alabama’s dainty take:

A pampered teen who can kinda hit the notes, but earns Alison’s eternal loathing along the way:

And the crowning glory of this list, a monstrosity/masterpiece from an amateur theater in Perth Amboy, NJ:

For the entire list of 10 incredibly tone-deaf performances, check out the list at Flavorwire.

“Find the Write One”

The Daily Dot recently covered a Craigslist post that went viral, in which a mysterious DC lady offered to help people re-write their dating site profiles. We figured out who this mysterious Find the Write One is, and got the cyber-Cyrano on the show to talk about some tips and tricks!

Topics include:

  • Who IS this shadowy figure?
  • How did she get the idea to become the Hitch of the interwebs?
  • The folks who have hired her so far, and some of their profile blunders.
  • Tips and tricks for the lovelorn seeking romance online.
  • A possible job opportunity for Alpine and Alison!

To hire FTWO — drop her an email!

Shoutout to the Likers!

You aren’t truly enjoying FOTI unless you are a Facebook Liker. So like…get on that NAOW.

Our Jeni Sue Gem of the Fortnight is the Muppets with People Eyes Tumblr, created by Wonder-Tonic.  Kermit looks stoned and Miss Piggy like an actress whose had some bad elective surgery…but maybe nothing tops how creepy Scooter looks. Yeah, remember SCOOTER?

Other Likers who blew our minds with their finds:

  • Liker Derick A – For that amazing early 2000s inebriated Ben Affleck interview with Entertainment reporter Anne-Marie Losique at press junket while in between relationships with Lopez and Garner that, Derick posited, shows the duality of the universe in opposition to the viral Dustin Hoffman interview in which he spoke about the way having to pass as a woman opened his eyes about misogyny.
  • Liker Per S. – “Toking” with Lawrence Welk.  How this one slipped past the standards and practices guys of 1960s ABC, we may never know.
  • Liker and Past Guest Carrie G. – The My Little Pony Convention 2013 Highlights Reel that elicited the sweet comment from Liker and Past Guest Brett W.: “We’re having a little liability issue with the glowsticks, y’all — a statement said in this video and in my nightmares”
  • Liker Mike D.  —  Backstreet’s Back Circa 1999 Canada’s Wonderland a video karaoke showcase courtesy of a theme park blue screen like you’ve never seen (Thanks also to Liker Trevor!). He also sent along the Posing DJs Tumblr AND the GGN Larry King/Snoop Lion interview/rap collaboration. What a performance by Mike D. So close.

But the Liker of the Fortnight is…

Liker Neil C. for his second LOTF crown!  The 25 Funniest Autocorrects post he sent us had Likers in tears and made many a Friday. Plus, he also submitted the fascinating NEW YORKER article about “Desert Bus” – the worst videogame ever created…by Penn & Teller???

By the way, we had some confusion on the show about all-time LOTF standings. Here they are, a four-way tie with two apiece: Liker Doan, Liker Andrew W., Liker Erinn, Liker Neil C. Will one of them be the first to three, or will another join the ranks of two-time winners first? One thing’s clear — we’re gonna need a spreadsheet.

Thanks for listening — see you in two weeks!

Thanks to Matt Adams and Pearl Charles of THE BLANK TAPES for the tunes!
Theme song by Snowplows: Check out their songs on Bandcamp!
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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