FOTI #49: Ask Us Anything!


Fortnight on the Internets makes your Scorpio fire blaze!

On this episode, we answer all kinds of questions from our Likers in our tribute to Reddit and the Kissing Contest podcast with an Ask Me Anything segment. We enjoy great music from the band Upset, and we have a gangsta party in our report card.

Four ways to listen:

If you subscribe or become a Liker on Facebook, you’ll be able to get to new episodes faster than everyone else. You’d also be wise to follow us on our @FOTIpod Twitter account, where we often have fun interactions with the people and sites we talk about on the show…

Report Card

#1. “Tom Hanks” by Buckwheat Groats

Never before has a JibJab head made us so amused, as Everydad Tom Hanks “participates” in the world’s most ratchet activities in this amazing sendup of rap videos.

#2. Conscious Uncoupling

Fresh off their success from the “Travoltify Your Name” tool, Slate was a bit too eager to keep things rolling with this “Goopify Your Relationship Status” thing that makes light of the weird phrase Gwyneth Paltrow used to describe her divorce from Coldplay. We agree with this Vice article, leave Gwynnie alone.

#3. Gangster’s Helpline

The best parody of hotline commercials in recent memory. This deserves millions of views.

Our Musical Guest: UPSET

In a very early-days episode of FOTI, we discovered and discussed legendary HOLE drummer Patty Schemel’s LA-based dog care service. This was in the wake of my watching and loving a documentary about her, and the rarity of the female drummer, called HIT SO HARD. Then, about a year later, we featured music from former Vivian Girls member, Katy Goodman’s solo project, La Sera, leading Alison to mentioned her friendship with fellow Jersey-ite Ali Koehler, who had also been in Vivian Girls. Now, everything comes together, proving time IS a flat circle, as we’re excited to announce our musical guest for the Fortnight – the band UPSET!

Upset is fronted by Ali Koehler, who is joined by Patty Schemel, Jenn Prince (who has been a part of La Sera, as well), and a rotating fourth member (which, according to the music blog Brooklyn Vegan’s last count, did/does include Katy Goodman, Kyle Gilbride from Swearin’, and Rachel Gagliardi of Slutever).

Upset’s debut album SHE’S GONE came out in November, and reminds us of shades of two of our favorite lady fronted lo-fi garage pop 90s bands, Tuscadero and Velocity Girl. It features the OTHER song called “Let It Go” to take 2013 BY STORM:

Like ’em on Facebook, they rule!

Internet Challenge Surprise!

Twitter rolled out this tool to celebrate its eighth birthday, making it easy to look up everyone’s first tweet. Here are soe from a smattering of our favorite celebs and friends:

And for fairness’ sake, here are ours!

Ask Us Anything


We opened the floor for questions and fielded a passel of doozies from our Likers!

  • When/How/Where did Alpine and Alison meet and what was the first viral video they shared?
  • You both are actively trying to keep your identities secret on the podcast, my question is WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?
  • What are some internet guilty pleasures you guys have we Likers might not know about?
  • What is your primary web surfing device: laptop, ipad, phone, other? What is your favorite? Are there different devices better suited for different surfing tasks?
  • Has anyone you’ve ever spoken ill of, reached out to you?
  • Do you have any H8TRZ?
  • You are given the opportunity, whether it be a genie, magic shoes, etc., to choose to have one of those abilities for 1 calendar year, and that’s it: Dominique-Wilkins-style dunks on an NBA regulation 10 foot hoop, prime Tiger Woods era golf skills, or the ability to consistently throw 100 mph heat. Which one do you choose?
  • Favorite meme of all time?
  • Which cast member of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge (any season) would you choose to be your best man/maid of honor?
  • You are sent to prison for life. How do you approach the critical first few months of establishing your place in the prison population hierarchy?
  • If you could create 1 Cards Against Humanity prompt card and 1 answer card, what would they be?
  • A tail or a skin rope?
  • You have been given the power to prevent a bear attacking your close friend. However, if you chose to prevent it, it will rain for the rest of your life. You will never see the sun again. Do you save your friend?
  • “I had a dream last night that I was a supervisor at Kinkos and some old man came in in a trenchcoat and started photocopying his dickpic. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??????”
  • Whose candidacy would you support for President of the Internet?
  • When was the last time you cried?
  • PLUS three crazy hypothetical questions from Liker Ryan C!

Shoutout to the Likers!

Where do Likers go? Facebook, of course. That’s where you’ll find all the great posts from Alpine, Alison, and our co-conspirator Jeni Sue. Where would this episode’s report card be without the Buckwheat Groats “Tom Hanks” video? Well, we have JSue to thank for that one.

And speaking of Report Card Liker assists…

  • Liker Ryan C. told us to “put our headphones on for this one” when he sent the NSFW AT ALL Gangsters Helpline our way.
  • Liker Andrew W. first alerted us to Slate’s “Goopified Relationship Status” generator. He was “mystically unattached.” Sounds like the universe just NEEDS him to be single right now, for like, reasons bigger than we unenlightened could ever understand.

Now for our Top Liker Countdown!

#5. Liker Doan bravely shared his first tweet with us when we posted about the #FirstTweet Tool, and it was a good’un: “i just want to read tracy morgan’s twitter” – fair enough!

#4. Liker Mark C. spotted a mashup of the Cohle and Hart characters (Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, respectively) from HBO’s “True Detective” reimagined as the Hardy Boys on various faux book covers. Expert photoshopmanship, and a fun little thumb of the nose at what many have called out as being a really good but also BIT pretentious drama.

#3. Liker Daniel R. found a video that mashes up audio of Louis CK talking about how none of the New School acting students who comprise the Inside the Actor’s Studio audience have ever asked a high caliber actor like, say, oh, Sean Penn, a question about his craft,and then gone on to success afterwards, WITH A CLIP FROM A POST-DEAD MAN WALKING SEAN PENN EPISODE OF THAT VERY SHOW IN WHICH A YOUNG BRADLEY COOPER ASKS HIM ABOUT HIS CRAFT PRE-FAME!!! Proving James Lipton continues to be a master of fate.

#2. Liker Lindsey sent us to the House of Whoa, indeed, by finding a feature from that section of the Queerty website featuring the graphic transformations of portraits of world leaders – the intensely homophobic and the staunch supporters of gay rights, alike – into headshots of fabulous drag queens! Go to the FB page and watch Kim Jong-Un become Kimmy Jungle, and Barack Obama suddenly give RuPaul a run for his money as Baricka O’Bisha.

And our Liker of the Fortnight is Liker Mike D for inspiring our AMA segment through his podcast, Kissing Contest, and for posting a serious of hilarious comeons to Alison as AMA Qs. Be sure to subscribe to Kissing Contest in time for their epic annual Reality Madness Episode!

Thanks to Ali Koehler for musical genius.
Our theme songs are by Snowplows and Motern Media.
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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