FOTI #52: Solange Attacks Jay-Z


Fortnight on the Internets goes buckwild when your bodyguard’s back is turned!

On this episode, we analyze the Carter-Knowles elevator brawl video like it’s the Zapruder film. We delight in the discovery of a 1990 Oprah show featuring the TMNT. And we draft our favorite 90s alt-rock vocal hooks.

Four ways to listen:

If you subscribe or become a Liker on Facebook, you’ll be able to get to new episodes faster than everyone else. You’d also be wise to follow us on our @FOTIpod Twitter account, where we often have fun interactions with the people and sites we talk about on the show…

Our Legend Is Growing

Last week, we told you about Scott Bradlee’s new Saturday Morning Slow Jams series and named our #1 request: the Gummi Bears theme. Well looka looka looka looka looka looka looka here:

You’re welcome, Internet. (But in seriousness, thank you SMSJ!)

Internet Report Card

#1. Solange Attacks Jay-Z

The TMZ video goes mega vi. Wendy Williams analzyes. PolicyMic takes the piss. The beef is now squashed.

BTW, cool it with the “Solange’s first hit!” jokes. Solange is awesome.

#2. Gosling/Culkin Infinite Recursion

What more needs to be said?

Here’s the mean article about The Pizza Underground that summoned Culkin’s righteous defenders, knives out.

#3. Cat Saves Boy From Dog

And demolishes animal stereotypes along the way.

Our Musical Guest: PARADISE

Paradise, a “60s Psych garage punk mod soul psychedelic pop” act from Portland, brings organ-drenched jams to execute heists/rob banks to:

Their music immediately makes us feel like we’re in an epic slow motion montage from a Tarantino or Scorsese film. They bring driving power to their songs, especially every time the tambo and organ come in. Alison was also utterly charmed that, if you buy their album Soldiers of the Modern Age on vinyl, it comes with a limited edition Zine. There’s not enough zines these days.

Internet Challenge Surprise!

Put simply: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Oprah in 1990.

The 5-minute distillation above has blessedly surfaced, but if you want to go for the full 45-minute insanity, check it out here.

Here’s the description of the musical tour from Turtlepedia (which is a thing that exists):

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out Of Their Shells was a live musical tour that occurred in 1990 starting August 17. It was endorsed and sponsred by Pizza Hut. The very first showing of the tour was broadcast live on Pay-Per-View. A VHS recording of the broadcast was made available, as was a soundtrack. The tour is generally lambasted for its terrible costumes and wafer-thin plot. The band featured Donatello on keys, Leonardo on bass guitar, Michaelangelo on guitar/lead vocals & Raphael on drums/percussion/tenor saxophone/vocals.

Thanks to Kissing Contest for the priceless find!


Inspired by this amazing Youtube video:

And the draft went like so:

Pick 1 (Alpine): Nirvana, “Lithium”
Pick 2 (Alison): The Rentals, “Friends of P”
Pick 3 (Alpine): Ween, “Push Th’ Little Daisies”
Pick 4 (Alison): Paul Westerberg, “Dyslexic Heart”
Pick 5 (Alpine): Ben Folds Five, “Battle of Who Could Care Less”
Pick 6 (Alison): Pavement, “Cut Your Hair”
Pick 7 (Alpine): Alice in Chains, “Man In The Box”
Pick 8 (Alison): Weezer, “Undone — The Sweater Song”
Pick 9 (Alpine): The Cranberries, “Zombie”
Pick 10 (Alison): R.E.M., “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite”

We then each got one off-the-board pick. Alison took “Lump” by POTUSA, and Alpine chose “The International Language of Screaming” by Super Furry Animals.

We’ll try to keep the singing in check in the future. But no promises.

Shoutout to the Likers!

Some Likers to thank right up front for helping us program this show:

  • Likers Nic S. and Charlotte S. (no relation) couldn’t wait to alert us to the fact that our Episode 51 wish came true and the Saturday Morning Slow Jamz team had done the Gummi Bears theme song! Good looking out, Likers!
  • Our sister podcast Kissing Contest gets all the credit for this walk down “I Can’t Believe This Actually Happened Memory Lane.” Many thanks to them for alerting us to the TMNT episode of “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”
  • Liker Neil C. pointed us to the outstanding 90s alt rock vocal hooks compilaish that effectively MADE our collective Fortnight, as well as the Fortnight of those we love. So thanks for that!

And now for the countdown to Liker of the Fortnight…

#5: Liker Nate M. alerted us to a genius imgur post poking fun at the over the top way in which online gossip news outlets caption photos of celebrities being “just like us” in everyday life. For example, the actual headline for a picture of a dressed-down Hillary Duff getting into an SUV read: “Hillary Duff shows off shapely legs in skintight jeans and towering wedges as she takes son Luca to lunch.” and the keeping it real alternate headline read: “Woman has legs.”

#4: Liker Derick A. was the only Liker to offer a suggestion as to which movie should go on a movie-and-TV-viewing bucket list inspired by the Reddit post about a Terminally Ill man asking just that and getting a wonderful snark-free outpouring from the Reddit community. Derick chose Joe Dante’s very underrated MATINEE, starring John Goodman.

#3: Liker Rob B. shared with us a cruise ship celebrating Hamburg, Germany’s “harbour birthday” by blowing its horn to the tune of the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army”s signature riff.

#2: Liker Charlotte S. found a very scientific breakdown of WHO in hip hop actually has the largest vocabulary that is kind of stunning in its methodology. The winner? Aesop Rock, far an away – someone the study’s author almost didn’t include but then the Reddit community was in an uproar! The entire WuTang Clan also represented strongly in the Top 20.

And the Liker of the Fortnight: Liker Erinn D. has done it again, rallying her media and education technology class students to become Likers and get interactive on the Facebook page. Thanks to all the new Likers and we hope you stick around to keep us olds in line!

Thanks to Annie Ostrowski of Riot Act Media for musical assistance.
Our theme songs are by Snowplows and Motern Media.
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.

About Alpine McGregor
Just like you, man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. All in the game, though, right?

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