FOTI #38: StarbucksDrakeHands


Fortnight on the Internets is giggling at poop jokes!

On this episode, we ask the eternal question: Ikea product or death metal band? We give a thumbs down to a girl who quit her job with a viral video and a thumbs up to a weird video sexy-face meme. We bring you a comedy group that’s clean enough for the Mormon church. And we giggle at a video of a little kid pooping. Plus great new tunes from Brothertiger and lots of great finds from our Likers!

Four ways to listen:

If you subscribe or become a Liker on Facebook, you’ll be able to get to new episodes faster than everyone else. You’d also be wise to follow us on our @FOTIpod Twitter account, where we often have fun interactions with the people and sites we talk about on the show…

IKEA or Death?

The quiz that asks you if names like DRUDKH or SAMPSPLET belong to IKEA products or “blackened” death metal bands. Alison scored an 8/12 on our mini-quiz, but I have to think that’s at least a C when this is graded on a curve. Let’s see how you do.

Internet Report Card

A millennial quits, a barista flirt-fails, and a small child pushes out a poo.

#1. “I Quit!” by Marina Shifrin

Here’s an excerpt from the position paper this idealistic young journo posted on The Huffington Post:

“I am not saying journalists are monsters, but the atmosphere of today’s society — everything has to be first, loud and sensational — is taking the discretion out of journalism. Sensational stories have always been a part of the dark underbelly of journalism. But with the saturation of news providing platforms on the market, these sensational stories are multiplying, rising, strengthening and trending. Now machines and buttons inhabit journalist’s tool boxes. Clicks are King. The smartest journalists not only know this rule, but they respect it.”

So to firmly reject this shallow approach to Web content, she did a viral video dancing to Kanye. HANH? On the plus side, this returned Kanye to the charts!

#2. #StarbucksDrakeHands

An LA model gives her number to a thirsty barista. He attempts to flirt using this Instavid. She mockingly forwards it to all her friends. A douchey DJ shares it with the world. A MEME IS BORN.

#3. Pooping Child

Not hard to understand why this cracked us up. Haha, Poop!

Our Musical Guest: BROTHERTIGER

Friend of the podcast and past guest John Jagos, aka Brothertiger, returns for a second stint as musical guest in support of his new album Future Splendors.

Bringing another fresh batch of jams, Brothertiger is back with a great record that’s both a terrific headphone listen and totally road-ready. (Check him out live, NYC!) For those who love M83 and Brian Eno, Future Splendors is an album well worth checking out. After relocating from Ohio to Brooklyn, Brothertiger has taken advantage of living in the indie-rock mecca by taking a big leap forward with this album that updates 80s synthpop for the modern age. Get it, Brothertiger!

For more Brothertiger, check out our interview with him from 2012!

Internet Challenge Surprise!

Did you know the Mormons have their own Saturday Night Live? It’s called Studio C and it airs nationwide on something called BYU TV! I guess it’s available through Dish Network — and obviously, everywhere in the Beehive State of Utah. It features 100% clean, family-friendly comedy. Which is…an extremely high degree of difficulty that they don’t totally pull off!

Here’s a somewhat good sketch that has a very difficult time avoiding the weird symbolism of White President…

And here’s their most popular video ever. Ehhhh.

A telling exchange from Youtube comments:

cosmicgumby4 months ago

This has been flagged as spam

This is my current theory as to why so many of my fellow Mormons like this. Mormons have a desperate desire to be culturally relevant in america, but don’t want to accept the crasser elements of American life. I think we mentally “will” this to be funny as a sort of proof that we can live a duel life as cool americans devout Mormons. It’s painfully obvious to any non-mormon that it’s not working out that great. Neutered comedy is like setting a 35 mph speed limit to the Daytona 500.

TheIcyPhantom4 months ago

People only like dirty jokes because they’re easy. Making clean jokes that are actually funny is a lot harder than telling funny dirty jokes. But because of this, the clean humor is so much better when it’s done right.

This Studio C video in particular isn’t very funny. But there are so many of them that are, while still being just as clean.

Anyone who likes sex jokes has fallen into the same rut as too many other people. Get a worthwhile sense of humor, idiots.

Ouch, that burns, Icy Phantom!

When it comes to Mormon comedy, I’ll take the ladies of Mormon Girls Say over the Studio C crew every time.

All Things Facebook!


This is a longish rambling section in which we break down a lot of the demographic information revealed by Facebook on their newly-enhanced Insights page (such as that shown above!). We now know a lot more about our Liker Population than we used to!


and here’s Facebook The Musical from AVByte. Since I know you’re wondering, the cute ginger is Molly Gallagher.

Shoutout to the Likers!

As always, we give thanks for J. Sue Gems – She made sure we didn’t miss out on the hottest new online dating trend, You can put in info like if you’re a male or female ghost, and what kind of ghost you’re looking for (gender, age range…even how he/she died…HORRIBLY, MYSTERIOUSLY, TRAGICALLY or SUDDENLY). The profile for 134 year-old “hauntingeyes” starts off: I love long walks on the stairs at night; staring down at the living while they sleep; randomly clanking the chains which bound me when I was shot for my crimes in life. WARNING:  they don’t accept the living dead or undead.

Kinda relatedly, go VOTE for Ghost Ghirls in this poll. It’s the last poll on the page. Do this now!

Other heroes of the fortnight:

  • Liker Brett W. shared with us the Potty Talk! video of the little kid pooping. Huzzah!
  • Liker Cara H. introduced us to Snoopybabe the Chinese cat full of wide-eyed wonder who could legitimately pass for a cartoony stuffed animal.
  • Liker Andrew W. pointed us to the “what is the most screwed up thing about your state infographic?”.
  • Liker Zach W. for his spot-on comment re: the internet-infamous Kelly Family’s “Ain’t Gonna Pee Pee My Bed Tonight” video we posted in anticipation of our last episode dropping.  About the tiny, pale, long-haired redheaded child who is the group’s lead singer, Zach asked, “Is that a Young Mario Batali?”
  • Liker Joan N. for her comment on our post on the Buzzfeed article that revealed one-third of married people on FB attended the same college: “I like how the list of colleges where women find husbands all have a much higher male:female ratio compared with the schools where men go to find wives….Engineering schools, ladies, that’s the place to find a man. To quote Garrison Keillor, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”

AND Our Liker of the Fortnight is LIKER BRYAN S (not to be confused with past LOTF Liker Brian S!) who has been an absolute GENIUS lately, fueling both of Alison’s past two Internet Challenge Surprises! Thank you, Bryan, for your tireless service and congratulations on this most prestigious of made up Internet awards!

For everyone else, thank you for listening — see you in two weeks!

Thanks to John Jagos aka Brothertiger for musical genius.
Our theme song is by Snowplows.
Cover art by Vicious Rumors.

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