Don’t Rent Your Condo to the Bangbros!

Miami’s Fisher Island is an enclave of the super-wealthy, filled with luxury residences, sandy beaches and lush fairways.

It’s an exclusive community, and only residents, invited guests and the help are welcome. Famous names from Vanderbilt to Oprah have owned property within its elite confines.

Raul Quintana owned a $3 million condo on the island, with views of picturesque Biscayne Bay and fine furnishings. He’d rented it out on occasion, once to baseball All-Star Ivan Rodriguez, and once to Anna Kournikova’s peeps. It was only one of several properties Quintana had once owned on the island, before he sold several for a huge profit.

But when Quintana rented the condo out to a “modeling agency,” he soon found himself a hated outcast on Fisher Island.

It turned out that the “modeling agency” was actually the porn producers known as the Bangbros, and they used the condo to film a masterpiece called “Sexy Golfing Experience.”

Now Raul Quintana has been banished from the island as surely as if Jeff Probst read his name at the Tribal Council.

As the Miami New Times reported, “Quintana…is in trouble. His three remaining luxury units are now worth $5.6 million — almost $3 million less than their purchase prices. Banks might soon take them over. Fisher Island, he says, is his ‘Alcatraz.’

Then his voice breaks as he remarks, “Bang Bros really banged my life.”

This tragic tale came to our attention via Deadspin, which noted that you’d think golf/porn related controversies are the sole domain of Eldrick Woods, but in this case, you’d be wrong.

The New York Times ran an article a few years ago about labor strife on the island, and did a fine job of describing its unique and luxurious setting:

A 216-acre nub of land sliced from the tip of Miami in 1905 when the government dredged out a sea-lane from Biscayne Bay, Fisher Island was acquired in 1925 by William K. Vanderbilt II, scion of the robber-baron railroad clan, to build his winter mansion.

It epitomizes wealth to this day. The island is home at least part of the year to an assortment of magnates, like the investment guru Martin Zweig, the car dealership mogul Robert Potamkin and the financier Bennet S. LeBow, of tobacco fame. Celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Mel Brooks have owned winter homes here.

According to the Census Bureau, Fisher Island was the richest enclave in America in 1999, with an average income per capita of about $236,000 — more than double the $91,000 average on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Residents say the real figures are actually far higher, partly because of the difficulty in gathering income data on part-time residents.

Indeed, from the imported Bahamian sand coating the beaches to the marble and mahogany-encrusted Vanderbilt mansion and the 186-foot, $250,000-a-week chartered yacht bobbing in the marina just outside, everything bespeaks luxury.

As the New Times article noted, Raul Quintana was once one of the island’s most notable residents: “In the early days, Quintana was among the top investors, buying 15 condos and spending $45 million, by his estimation. Back then, he was the flashy socialite who drove a Ferrari, sponsored polo matches at the Fisher Island Club, and always arrived by chopper.”

But Quintana fell on hard times after an acrimonious divorce. His ex took some of the property, and he sold some additional units to raise living expenses. Luckily for Quintana, though, he unloaded those properties at the top of the market.

Meanwhile, he’d begun the practice of renting out one condo for cash. He was obviously hard up for funds, because when the “modeling agency” offered him $600 for six hours, he had his assistant deliver the keys and didn’t even require a written contract. Tragically, he now says he thought a high-fashion photo spread might help him find future tenants.

Unfortunately, the temporary tenant wasn’t an MLB backstop or hot Russian tennis player.

It was the production crew for the Bang Bros…

You can’t help but love the evocative description of the porno flick that was penned by the New Times’ Gus Garcia-Roberts.

This prose is dripping with the contempt that can only be inspired by viewing the film, perhaps succumbing to its lure, and then letting a wave of self-loathing crash over you…

It turns out Quintana had rented his apartment to, an online porn giant based in Miami. Its auteurs produced Sexy Golfing Experience, which sounds like an unauthorized Tiger Woods biography but is in fact a hard-core skin flick starring zeppelin-breasted actress Devon Lee.

The film is no innovation in cinema. In it, Tony, a ratty-looking dude with a thin beard and designer shades, commandeers a golf cart — clearly displaying Quintana’s apartment number — to rendezvous with Devon on a Fisher Island golf green. After the dirty-blond porn starlet does some butt-focused putting, the lovers drive to Quintana’s condo on a golf cart with a pudgy, bearded dolly grip riding on the rear.

Once in the apartment, they head to the balcony, where, in broad daylight and full view of any neighbor who might glance out a window, Tony applies baby oil to Devon’s buttocks for five minutes. They then go inside and run through the usual battery of positions, with only a thin white towel separating their carnal intermingling from Quintana’s brown suede couch and matching chaise lounge. Other scenes involve possible staining of one of the homeowner’s throw pillows and his carpet.

The “zeppelin-breasted” Devon Lee

It didn’t take long for word to get around about the first-ever Fisher Island porno, and for Quintana’s reputation to come crashing down.

Quintana didn’t find out about Sexy Golfing Experience until roughly three months after he rented out his apartment, he says, when a safari-helmeted security guard named Howard greeted him with: “Great film, Mr. Quintana!”

“The rumors always start with security,” says Fisher Island real estate agent and resident Claudia Campuzano. “Everybody on the island knows about Raul’s movie, and everybody’s watched it too.”


That earned him a new nickname: “The Porn King of Fisher Island.”

The Fisher Island Community Association found out about this and dropped the hammer on poor Mr. Quintana…

Citing non-specified bad behavior, they yanked privileges and laid out several restrictions:

  • They banned him from renting out his condos, seriously cutting into a major source of income.
  • He was forbidden to use the car lanes for residents on the ferry, and instead, he was banished to the employee lanes. Ouch.
  • Furthermore, they made him get advance approval for any guest that he wished to bring onto the island in the future.
  • When an irate Quintana stopped paying his association dues, the dispute turned into a legal battle over $250,000 in unpaid fees.
  • Quintana was banned from the Fisher Island Club, and he couldn’t even visit as a guest of another resident. He was also accused of threatening Community Association officials.

Now Quintana’s life is falling down around him. The New Times quoted a sympathetic neighbor:

“Everybody loved Raul,” says Ty, a Fisher Island resident and business owner who asked that his last name not be used. “But he’s lost everything. He’s been outcasted.”

Let this be a lesson to you, property owners — when a “modeling agency” calls you up and wants to use your real estate for a shoot, make sure you know what you’re getting into.

You just might find your condo on “Ass Parade” and your community association irate, while your reputation becomes that of a common pornographer.

Not to mention the stains on the throw pillows.

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